Not living, only surviving. #anxiety#socialanxiety#depression#ptsd#moodswings

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  • lollipop71 1d

    My Own Mind

    I'm a prisoner in my own mind.
    Reliving the past and hating who
    I am everytime.
    Not knowing how to escape,
    How to break out of these bars,
    I'm a prisoner in my own mind.
    Where do I seek relief from these
    nightmares in the daytime and in the
    Night that control my every thought,
    Every decision which I seek to find.
    Thoughts I wish to control, why am
    I a prisoner in my own mind

  • lollipop71 2w

    A Happy Place

    As the sun peaks over the ocean
    Drying up the dew from the dark
    Night before
    The ships appear in the distance
    Ready for the day to come
    Tourist and beach goers slowly
    Make their way to the cold sand
    Not yet beaten by the sun, just
    Appearing above the blue waters
    To greet the day to come.
    The restaurants nearby begin to
    Fill with hungry tourist who will
    Also eventually make their way
    To the beach, enjoying the sand between
    Their toes and the cool ocean water.
    Bicyclist, skateboarders, and skaters
    travel the pavement between the beach
    And hotels where I long to be.
    Where I find comfort and peace.

  • lollipop71 2w


    I haven't shared lately due to not having anything I wanted to write about. Good day all!

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    Those Eyes

    Those eyes, I get lost in cannot focus
    That smile, lights up my day to the mostest
    Those hugs, send my mind to a happy place
    And put a big smile on my face, while
    Giving me hope to get through another day.

  • lollipop71 5w

    Deceit & Lies

    You lured me in with your deceitful ways
    Taking advantage of my trusting heart
    And kind, kind ways.
    Your lies tore me down day after day
    I wanted to, had to see through your lies,
    Your deceit, your vengeful, meaningless
    To see through the lies, and deceit came
    To be impossible due to your con artist
    Ways which made you ugly even with
    That handsome face that at one time I
    So adored, not anymore. Why
    So much evil lives inside you, in your soul
    I guess one will never know. The hatred held
    Inside will one day come to light, and the
    Explosion will light up the night.

  • lollipop71 6w

    One of a Kind You Were

    Your love was like no other, one
    Of a kind, although not as strong
    At times as I would have wanted.
    Tough love? Is that what it was?
    That's my belief and I hold it
    Within my heart until my end here
    On earth.
    You cared for my boo boos as a
    Mother would. You made me
    Soup when I didn't feel so good.
    You encouraged me to do better
    When I didn't think I could.
    You let me see what fun was like
    In your own special way.
    You were always there for me in
    My younger years, but not as much
    As I always wished you were.
    My adult years you were there for
    Me more. You would still care for me
    When I fell ill no matter what age I was,
    No matter how tired you were.
    I did my best to take care of you when
    You no longer could. I only hope I did
    For you as well as you expected I could.

  • lollipop71 6w

    Spinning to No End

    My head spins like a ferris wheel
    Out of control on the verge of
    Rolling off the track, like a tire
    Spinning off a vehicle ending up
    Who knows where it could be
    After all that.
    So many wheels spinning
    Inside my head in a sequence of
    The perfect rhythm, like the wheels
    Inside a clock which never stop is
    How it feels.
    My mind is on it's way to an
    Excruciating journey of the final
    Tick, final beat of my heart, final
    Breath I do feel.

  • lollipop71 6w

    Any thoughts on how this could have been written better?


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    My life is much more simplified NOW,
    Or is it now?
    Some days have no idea what day it is
    NOW, or even the date without looking
    at my phone NOW.
    What does each day hold NOW?
    Many sleepless nights, wake up late
    Many days NOW, I eat breakfast,
    Brush teeth, get dressed, maybe clean
    (depends on mood NOW), color on my
    phone or tablet NOW, once in a while create
    My own art to color now, and repeat
    This each and every day NOW.
    So why is it that I am stressed and
    Worry more NOW?

  • lollipop71 6w

    I'm not so sure about this poem, but here it is.

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    I Do Not....

    I Do Not like when my anxiety is
    Stirred up, by noisy people when
    The lips on their faces open up with
    Words loud enough for the next room
    To hear, or by noisy places like a
    Construction site with the loud
    Machinery disturbing my thoughts
    For being so close my mind cannot
    Take it.
    I Do Not like when my mind wants to
    Run all night, but my body wants to
    Find dreamland where the demons
    Are no more.
    A clear mind I cannot remember
    How that feels anymore.
    The feeling is like a wheel in my head
    Spinning constantly and it cannot
    be stopped.
    I Do Not......

  • lollipop71 7w

    Her Soul, Not Hers

    The days are dark, the nights even darker
    Her body holds a dark soul that demons
    Have come to make their stay permanent.
    The darkness, all too common for her.
    Her soul thrives and feeds on it now.
    It is now her way of life, her safety net,
    The comfort she has searched for, for
    Many years.
    Her way of life not many will understand.
    The demons only sought the night in the
    Beginning, now they feed on her day and
    As they will until the end.

  • lollipop71 7w

    The Over....

    The overthinker
    The overdoer
    The overexaggerater
    With the mindset to always,
    Always look for, or expect, the
    Worst outcome with every
    or obliteration.
    Bad vs. good,
    Good vs. evil
    Always being prepared for
    The negative can spare the
    Heartache that can come
    With the positive outlook
    In life.