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  • loginfaith 5w

    A Letter to My Mama.

    Dear Mama,

    My dreams have been hunting again, they flash throughout the night, and I always wake up like I ran short of breath in my sleep, with small moisture all over my face and fearful eyes. I keep wishing you are here to sing me back to sleep but adulthood made sure we're distances apart.

    When my children have nightmares, they jump on me, I don't sing for them, I cover them and ask them to go back to sleep, when I have nightmares, I turn on the lights then sleep with an eye open because I'm afraid of the night, I'm not strong as you Mama, not half of the woman you are. I'm scared of everything around me, maybe it's a phobia or perhaps I'm a little psychotic but the nights Haven't been any honest.

    Mama,
    My husband never came home last night, even the night before, he said that he had to sleep at work- I don't believe him but my marriage vows said I have to trust him. He hit me today, refused to eat the food I cooked and stormed out of our house, I didn't cry because my children were watching. He forced me to bed three nights ago, I didn't tell him off because the Holy book said I should respect and be submissive to my husband and well, I grew up a believing in the Holy Book, I still do.

    I'm scared of Faith Mama, It's hard believing in the things I'm not sure will erect. Most times my Faith blossom to Hope but this times, it shreds to mistrust and disappointments.
    Mama, the day has even been more horrible, the light of the sun brings me shame and the rise of the moon invites fear to dine with me, it feels like looking at the creepy crows in the night.

    Mama, I don't want my children to see me with swollen eyes when they return from school, because they're going to ask;
    "Mummy what happened?!"
    I don't want them to find me crying because they're going to ask;
    "Is it Daddy again?"
    Mama, I want them to have a Father, just like the kids in the cartoon they watch. I want them to grow up like I did, believing in the existence of love because Papa loved you just Right.

    Mama, what if I'm doing all wrong? what if I only have to wear make up and cover the swell? or hold my tears untill my children go to bed? Teach me Mama, tell me how to live with a man that wrecks my life every day, tell me how to break the Vow I made infront of Pastor Elias, Tell me how to not wait "until death do us part" because Mama, I'm tired, pale and scarred.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 5w

    Five Things

    Expectations?
    No, my expectations died
    The day I hurt

    Love?
    No, Love left
    A heart so grilled.

    Hope?
    No, my hope applied
    For shame.

    Faith?
    No, my faith complied
    With his demons.

    Integrity?
    No, integrity
    is one of my fears.

    Just like that,
    I am an ally broken,
    A virgin shamed,
    An energy inactivated,
    A chameleon ever blue.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 7w

    A Letter To My Gone Lover

    Dear gone lover,
    how are you?
    This letter is to tell you that I healed,
    But the scars never left,
    What matters though is that I'm fine.

    I almost got myself another man
    But I am scared,
    this time, not to lose you,
    but to forget you.
    I am scared to start another first time
    because, what then happens to me if I meet you at the grocery store?
    would I have to fold and pretend I never known you?
    or laugh with you when your girlfriend makes a joke?

    I'm ready to live without you
    but somethings feel so different,
    maybe I just got too used to you
    Because,
    I can still feel your breath on my neck
    the touch of your fingers on my Waistlines,
    my legs giving you feet tickles
    I can still taste your 'nut' on my tongue
    and your desire heating up my blossoms.

    I can't forget the naked mornings,
    The California fire in me
    when you peer in my eyes,
    the little arguments,
    the hours of small laughs,
    the times I made you smile
    the promises we made that never came to pass,
    The little stupid things we both did and
    when I almost broke the gate of a hotel.

    I'm not asking you to get back
    I'm not asking you for anything,
    I'm just telling you that
    it scares the hell out of me
    to know that I have to find someone else
    who's not you
    I want to live with your memories
    and I promise, dear gone lover
    that I'll keep your memories safe
    Even when I have loved another.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 9w

    The memories hurt,
    Feels like they chained me to a
    Titanium pole with a tungsten fetter,
    Secured my lips with a strap,
    Caged me in a cell
    And whenever I tried to haul myself out,
    The chain got tighter around my wrist
    and feet.

    My recollections are not the gay ones,
    They have always been darker after dark.
    The cards had fold,
    The dawn and the set never showed,
    Neither did the stars nor the moon.
    Every dark had a cold sensation
    Each dark only got colder.
    The tears that went down my cheeks were
    not as warm as they used to be.

    I had the same prayer,
    Survive!
    But I was a woman of one fear,
    Faith.
    Then my blood would run stale,
    And my prayers would all fail.
    From the west,
    I could see my happiness
    in the East,
    But how to get there, remained a mystery.

    On the inside, I executed my combat
    And took my cannon to the foes' side
    As part of my escape plan,
    But I was a moth drawn to flames-
    For the ones I hailed,
    Were the worst of them all.
    They'd fire and watch me trip over myself
    Like I was numb to the burn.
    I kept beating to outrun the pain,
    But slowly, I lost my breath.
    And It's Dark again.

    Read More

    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 13w

    Now this is a better #mondo two stanzas, two answers, one question. Better than the first I wrote. #miraquill @miraquill.

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    What is Blue?

    An old man seated on the street holding a picture of his dying daughter but with a hand stretched to the strangers.

    A child whose mother joined the choir of Jericho at the setting of the sun and his father at the setting of the moon.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 13w

    What Is Red?

    What is red?
    Strained on your white vest,
    Sprinkled on your left cheek,
    Painted on your right fingers.

    What is red?
    Rubbed on your brown tiles,
    Leading to the attic,
    Why is that smell
    Like smoked beacon?

    What is red?
    At the door of the attic,
    Why is your eyes fearful?
    Why the small moisture on your face?

    What is red?
    And why do you tremble?
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 14w

    From a Distant

    I watched her ride a brown horse,
    I watched her plough their garden,
    I watched her rare two grey cattles,
    I watched her cook with three stones,
    I watched her sweep the chicken crib,
    I watched her swim in the dams,
    I watched her climb the hills,
    I watched her grow into adulthood,
    I watched her meet a male
    And gets heartbroken,
    I watched her cry,
    Speaking to her felt like boiling an ocean
    So I do not know her name,
    I only watched her from a Distant.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 14w

    A TROUBLED HEART

    What is the point of fighting back
    When they have won.
    What's the point of crying
    When my eyeballs are dried.
    What's the point of trying
    When it's all so useless.
    What's the point of hoping
    When there is no sky.
    What's the point of loving
    When there is no love.
    What is the point.
    What is the point of thinking
    When I could just pick up a knife
    And pass it through my heart.
    What is the point of a therapist
    When I know she goes through the same shit.
    What's the point of anything.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 14w

    T A L K

    I want to have a deep talk
    With someone who understands me,

    I want to talk while watching the moon
    And pretending that the night planes
    Are shooting stars,
    So that we can make a few wishes.

    I want you to feel that sharp
    Iced cold blade that flashes through your Heart in a blink of an eye when
    You think of a particular someone.

    I want to tell you how my breath Reek
    When I'm hyped.
    I want to tell you why Coitus with
    blindfold on is so romantic.
    I want to show you what star to talk to
    When your heart is stuck on hold
    I want to teach you how to extract feelings From ink
    I want you to smell and taste desire.

    I want to talk about why
    "butterflies in my stomach"
    is an understatement,
    I want to talk erotic, sensation,
    tell you how purity is never a priority
    And how love just hypnotizes,
    no matter how long you stand on ice,
    it never breaks.

    How one person can give you a whole damn Zoo
    I want you to talk to me and I want you to listen to me
    because it will give me a whole hunch of enjoyment.
    ©loginfaith

  • loginfaith 14w

    Heels On

    Let me lie on that bed naked,
    But with my heels on
    Part my legs to the ages of the mattress,
    But with my heels on
    Pierce me sharply with your syringe,
    But with my heels on
    Pour on me that warm coffee foam,
    But with my heels on

    With my heels on,
    I'm not afraid to tell you what I want
    And how I want it.
    With my heels on,
    I'm on defense mode.
    My heels are made of extra Sharp metals
    It can go through your eyes
    And down your throat.
    It's like Onion
    The only difference is, you cry blood.
    ©loginfaith