Adults sit at the table and argue loudly about something, laugh and drink anything alcoholic and not pleasantly smelling
Why do you think? It’s not so interesting. It’s better to play, because how many toys they can afford. They all sit, all drunker and more drunk. They have fun. And you are still waiting for them to leave, so that they do not interfere with sleep ...
Here you are 13 years old You have already sat your time of "courtesy" with adults at the table and left to go about your business. Years go by and the picture does not change - they drink and talk the same way. Unless everyone is already older, and some are no longer at your table ...
You are 17. You don't owe anyone anything. And you don't pay attention to these gatherings for a long time, they don't concern you, they are not interesting to you. Your experiences, your first love are more important to you, you want money, you want everything at once. Youthful maximalism.
You are 26. You gather with your friends at the table and chat all evening. You so rarely get yourself together. Everyone has work / worries / problems. You listen to songs of your childhood and school years. You dance to songs Your soul becomes warm and cozy, your family is near and you feel good. All worries are left behind the wall, on which after a while neighbors begin to knock, because you make noise. It's funny to you. Now you make noise with a serious face after and a quiet "shhhhh"
And nothing else makes sense except for these gatherings at the table, with this incomprehensible alcohol, with songs and discussion of problems and your gossip ...
Kuch log zindagi mein aate hai Aate jaate bahut kuch seekha jate hai Ab jate huye ko kon rok paya hai Ek seekh de gaya hai zindagi Dil bhi ab thehar sa gaya hai Toote khwaab ko batore sa raha hai Hm bhi sambhal rahe hai Rahoon mein badh rahe hai Seekh chuke h jeena Aur ab chahiye nahi kuch Alfaaz mere sab baayan kar rahe hai Jane wale ko raasta do !!! ( A comment by @_the_nightmare )
Peace and tranquility seem like a dream to me. So ironical though, as dreams are the reason for my misery. These dreams, they don't allow me to shut my eyes as they fear their existence would never become a reality. They fear they'll be another forgotten chapter. Hence, they pound on my imagination to carve their place.
I'm tired now! Tired of dreaming. Tired of telling myself that the silver lining is just around the corner. Tired of reminding myself that the gazebo of darkness will lead me to my home, to my sunshine. Tired of pacifying myself that this too shall pass. Tired of consoling myself, for this is just a phase.
My heart wants to take control but my head won't leave the throne. I guess I gave too much power to it as now it possesses more than me. Forcing me to relinquish control over my very own body.
As a kid, dreams fascinated me. For how our imagination could construct a world of itself. Where everything goes according to our desire. Nothing to worry about at all. And in this procedure of faking a world, I lost control on the real one.
I have no idea what I want anymore. Do I want to put a smile and believe everything will be fine, or do I want to stay betwixt the cobwebs of the dark attic where I'm a prisoner currently? For I've lost track of everything. Discombobulated to the core.
P.S. Thank you all the lovely people here. This past month was brutal. Still going through one hell of a phase. Don't know if I'll be able to read you all, but stay happy everyone. As that's what I'm trying to do.
P.P.S. @mirakee What an unexpected surprise! Thank you so very much for the kind repost! My Second POD!
Aurat mohabbat bhi karti hai , Aur intezar bhi , Aurat sab kuch bardash kar sakti hai Lekin , Aurat ek bar jab parwah karna chod de , Toh fir chahe ap uske , Qadmo mai gir jaao , Woh parwah nahi karegi ,