I just turned 23 today and I had learned a lot and I’m willing to learn more as I grow. Days went by so fast that I almost didn’t forgot my birthday. I wasn’t as excited about like I was last year and the many years after. But this is a special day for me and I’m gonna try to put a smile on my face. I hope to learn more and be the better person I can be.
Nobody has never said they hate me before besides my siblings but they’re not serious. I can feel if someone doesn’t like me by the way they act around me. Not everyone will tell you that they hate you because they don’t wanna hurt your feelings. So I just been hurt lately and I’m so tired of worrying what someone thinks of me. Well not actually what think but how they feel about me when I’m around. I’m tired of people who I know unfollowing me or doesn’t follow me back on Instagram. And there are people that I know who doesn’t follow me back and it makes me feel some type of way. It’s like I thought I know them so well but I don’t. I don’t like when everybody in real life just think I’m quiet and that’s all I ever be. I know they didn’t say that but it seems like it to me. I feel like people expect me to be loud and talk a lot. I wish I could but I can’t be someone I’m not. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t afraid to talk to people. Will it be easier for me to make friends? If I can speak louder, would others like me? I don’t know, these questions seems unrealistic but yeah. I feel like deep inside, I want to become a better person who I can be happy with. I don’t mind being quiet, however talking a little more wouldn’t hurt. I really want to change but I want to make sure that I’m doing this for myself and my own happiness. Not for everyone else’s.
Social media is making it worse for my mental health. It’s crazy how on Instagram, people actions can make you feel some type of way. So be careful using Social media because too much is not for your mental health.
I know I haven’t been posting lately. I’ve been trying to focus on myself. Trying to understand myself more. I feel like the pandemic had affect my future plans. I wasn’t able to do things that I wanted to do. But it’s okay, I hope this year, I will be able to do something that never done before In’sha’Allah. Now I’m just focusing on school and God. Learning new things about my religion everyday. I tried reading the Quran everyday to gain more knowledge.
Another thing why I haven’t been posting (I know some of you don’t care but I’m telling you this anyway) is because I had decided not to post pictures with my face in it. Well not this account but my main account. Every time I look at the pictures, the more I feel insecure. I used to love taking pictures but it had always made me look ugly. I know that I am a beautiful human being Alhamdulillah. But the photo itself, makes me look different than I actually do. When I post a pic that I thought was cute but when I stare at it a long time, I ended up deleting it. I be like "Ew why do I look like that?” “Why do everybody likes this, this is so ugly” "Why my pictures are not getting enough likes” -And so on. Ever since I stop taking pictures of myself, I became confident. I don’t feel the need to call myself ugly. It’s crazy how just one picture can affect someone's mood. I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else. It feels like breathing in a fresh new breeze. I realized that not everybody needs to see my face. Except for those who already knows me in real life. And this is also because of religious reasons. Also I don’t like to expose my beauty in front of random guys. I never intended to attract people, it just happens. Some guys just fall you just because of your profile or the pictures you've posted of yourself.
So yeah is my way of loving myself and finding out what works for me. I am planning to post new content this year In’sha’Allah. I’m trying to figure out how to organize my posts. But yeah that’s my life update. I know it’s long but it’s worth to read.
Happy new years🎉🎇💥🥳 It’s time to let go of 2020 and start over this year of 2021. Last year we have gone through a lot of pain, sorrow, sadness, depression, anxiety, grief, racism, death, illness and so much more. But 2020 had taught us everything we need to know even though it was unexpected. We learned how to be the best version of ourselves or at least try to. It may not be our year to shine but it was our year to grow. Let go of the pain you had in 2020. We've have become stronger and prepare for 2021 which is now. Don’t expect that nothing will go wrong this because it will that’s why we just have to be ready before that day comes. We will create new memories and erase the painful ones. I hope everyone have a happy new year!
"Unread Books" Vexations, Dejected or Weeping Commence ourselves Inking Unpredicted piece of Poetry Broken, rhyming or Free Verse Lyric, Narrative or Dramatic A tête-à-tête Betwix His Soul and He Himself, As soon as the First Paraphrase touches untouched Surface of a Diary.
Writer's block, a remote Isolation Emotional state stays in Mayhem, The idea to Pen Revireing is Frightening, Phrases Haunting, inducing horror Sentences in Mind, Pens, An antagonist, Writer's block Make Author Ne'er to Inscribe Words Together. Surprisingly Writers Come back originating from the Scratch, And possibly end up with de novo book.
The Book United with the Others, In a Dark and Silent Library, Placed in the Bookshelf as per its review, Only removed when it's Dusting Phase.
An Author, battling against Writers block, Surprised himself by writing a Book, Wants us to read the Meaning behind every page he Wrote, He wants to heal Where he's hurt by Watching Readers, read! But instead the pages they're getting old and torn, with Spiders webbing.
Libraries, Always Bleeding in Pages No one's gonna comes, to pick up the Torn pages, That pages which defined someone's Life one time Is now Flying in the Sunlight with the Autumn leaves.
The mondo is a Japanese style of poetry written in the form of a question followed by an answer, both written by the same person. (Originally, it used to be written as a collaboration of two poets, one presenting a thoughtful question and the other giving an enlightening answer in two different stanzas.)
--Today , write a creative one-liner mondo on a particular color--