A love that had no beginning, a love that had no ending....but was a journey in itself...full of tears and smiles...grief and joy...detailed in complex web of intricate details which are incomplete without one another...
Its you who resides in my heart
Its me who resides in your yours
With the red string of fate tying our knots
Its not just you and me...
Its "us" now..
The "our" word... By unknown writer
Ok...so...I tried to write on a very sensitive topic...its a controversial issue...Homophobia...I expect a lot of negative comments as well...but I'll request you to bear with me for the time being...you may choose not to read this article if you find it offensive or not suitable to your taste...You have your own opinions...and I have mine...I have simply shared mine so as to support the LGBTQ community and to sympathize with their plight...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[ POEM ]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk down the streets... Sticking to the shadows... Avoiding the crowds... The people... They smile at me.... To show how proud they are of me... But their smiles hide a disgusted frown... All those stares.... And onslaught of glares... It kills me part by part... My soul lies there...stiff and stark... Hearing those whispers in the dark... Making me remember every second of life that I'm not normal... The whispers turn into angry shouts... I clutch my ears close... Trying to drown the shouts out with the sound of my own screams... They turn their scornful gazes at me... Telling me that I deserve to be punished for my sins... That I need to repent for going against God's will... That I am an abomination...a freak... in this world of normalcy... They dont understand truly..do they..? For what is normalcy... if not an illusion...? Nobody is normal... and that's an open secret... But people use it as a weapon... To shield themselves from the reality... Their pretence can be seen through... But nobody calls their bluff... For all are busy fixing their own masks.. Nd here I am... Getting scoffed at... Kicked...bruised...broken...shattered... Waking up every morning in cold sweat.. After reliving each nightmares of my life... Monster....Demon....Bakemono.... These words cut through the silence... And believe me they hurt... More than you can imagine... But... Was it really my fault...? Was it wrong of me to fall in love..? Or was it because the person whom I loved was of the same gender...? You all made me watch... As you stabbed her in the heart five times... Poured gasoline all over her.. And left her to die.... How could you be cruel..? I tried many a times to steer out of your paths.. If you couldn't accept me for who I was... You could've atleast not bothered with my life... But you insisted to poison my life... You would kill me every time... And revive me so that you could kill me once again... Dont you all grow tired of playing this sick game...? I've just accepted the fact that.. The world isn't a place for a person like me... A situational pariah... And maybe being accepted will cost the sacrifice of countless of misunderstood messiahs... But I'll wait... Wait until I can feel her again in my arms... Wait until I can hear you all hooting and cheering When I lean over to capture her lips with mine.... Instead of hearing those alarmed whispers and distasteful remarks... Wait until the world is free of the curse... Wait until the poison of homophobia gets cleansed... And I'll keep on waiting... After playing my part... Waiting to get lost in the euphoria of such a world... Where Love shall no longer be a sin....
God once gifted me a little bird He named it love. I couldn't find a better place for it So kept it in the cage of my heart.
I deserved the truth But love always had to lie. It told me it intended to stay forever But I knew that its hobby was to fly.
I fed it mashed potatoes Gave it splintered hopes. It told me that it liked things broken... So I provided it with all the broken things it used to love, But my heart is what it wanted broken... Ain't I the biggest dope?
When love used to rent my heart I used to lose myself. Now without that little bird I find myself waiting to be lost again.
I didn't know why I'd always be so surprised When love's cursed lips met mine. It always whispered before breaking away that... "If your life had been a joke, death would've been the punchline."
So...yaa...my topic was "Toska"...I'm giving a small insight on what it is for the ones who are unaware of this term ...
TOSKA : There is a word in Russian for which there is no translation. The word is toska, and the complexity of its meaning is enough to set a linguist’s heart aflutter. Indeed, every linguist worth their salt knows this word, as it is legendary in the world of languages in its stubborn disobedience to translate. It is in fact so complex and nuanced in its meaning, that it would take an English-speaking Russian literary genius to properly explain it. Fortunately we have such a luxury. Vladimir Nabokov described the word better than anyone else could ever hope to: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause."
I think I lost myself recently; It didn't last too terribly long thankfully. But for a moment there I was anything but strong. I was meek, weak, an object of pity. But I traveled away for clarity and found a rarity: You.
Perhaps I never really love at all I'm just so scared of the fall that we all experience. The fall into the depth of weariness and fear.
Like most everyone I just crave love and most of all company. The fall alone is far too lonely.