Missing new medium

jerry_21

Mirakee was* a good place.

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  • jerry_21 4w

    Lately, I've been exhausted by closing chapters and beginning them again to feel the trauma of life. I've been tired of recouping thoughts to engrave them on blank pages though they were meant to quiver forever in the whirlpool of my mind.

    Depression has no solution. The monsters beneath your bed will always write you letters, inked with your blue blood to kill you every night. Your sanity will never feel sane again. It's not always about wailing or doing absurd things, sometimes silence is more destructive than noise.

    Anxiety is not easy to deal with. Shortage of breath in the open air and feeling desolate with the people who love and care for us is not common. Holding up to a heart that constantly feels heavy and hurt is terrible. No phrase is composed to describe the feeling of utter pain. How can people understand things until they haven't felt them?

    Hope is a useless word that makes us keep wobbling in the spiral of life. We hope that things will get better soon and we will make our way out of this labyrinth but things get better only to be worse again.

    My hands shake on nights when I scrape my pale membrane with stiff fingernails, carving them deep inside my arms to ooze melancholy. How I vocalize songs to the death while standing at the cliff, thinking to jump but the voice of some person I love always stops me and I come back home, apparently home doesn't feel like home anymore.

    For hours I sit and count cracks on the ceiling because it's old though cracks on my heart are far more than it. So I started hitting those cracks in hope that it will dispose of some shades of love but they dripped the lust left by people who used me and afterward called me a whore. I always take that as a compliment and always will.

    My skull is numb and my limbs are frozen. There is a black hole inside my ribcage that wears out all the flowers of light. It abandoned me but I feel like this devastation is beautiful. Blackhole is aesthetic. I painted a canvas with all gray paint and splintered some drops of blood on it. I named the painting life but people call it a masterpiece.

    ~ sifar

    P.S. - Last post for a while, or maybe a long time. Who knows? Anyway, bye bye. :)

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  • jerry_21 4w

    There are days when I don't trust myself, there are days when you don't trust yourself, and there are days when we don't even trust each other. I ignore your texts at late nights when you say you need me, and you leave me alone knowing that I'm in a dejected state. You ask me, "Are you okay?" knowing that I am not, and I don't ask you, "Are you okay?" knowing that you are not.
    //I know poets have trust issues//

    On some dark desolate nights, after sobbing silently in our minds and hearts, we commit sins together and call them holy. I give you wounds with my painful words and then apply an ointment to heal them, you give me tears with your harsh words and then collect them saying they are precious. And the next morning, we behave as nothing had happened, and at night, again cry.
    //I know poets commit holy sins//

    Somedays, I love you and you don't, but somedays you love me and I don't. Maybe they are those days when we can't even love ourselves. Light fades and darkness floods. Everything seems fake and reality shows death. Seeing with closed eyes, there is only death. Seeing with open eyes, there is only death. Seeing with the soul's eyes, oh shit, our soul is already dead?
    //I know poets are hard to love//

    You bleed suicidal poems with your pen, and my body became numb and hands freeze. You kill yourself in your poems and I cut my veins pleading for death. I mourn and bleed stygian red, and you destroy our little painful yet beautiful world. I die and you cry until night gets over and morning gave me a new deadly life, to beg for death, to die again, and live and beg for death, again.
    //I know poets are so far dead//

    ~ sifar

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  • jerry_21 4w

    Posting it again because it got deleted by some glitch of mirakee. People who have read it can skip. Bye.

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    the guy whom i loved
    called me sweet and cute
    he gave me a fake rose
    and i smelled it as if it's real
    we promised each other
    to never lie
    to never leave
    to love endlessly
    but he kept his secrets
    and yelled at me
    after having a bad day
    i cried and cried and cried
    all alone
    he hated when i smiled
    with anyone else
    so i stopped smiling
    when i had a bad day
    still, he yelled at me
    i cried and cried and cried
    and cursed myself
    for being with him
    so i decided to leave
    and hated the word love
    but he loved me back

    the guy whom i met online
    called me beautiful and special
    he gave me his time and care
    and i felt something good
    after a long while
    we shared laughs
    and hobbies
    and secrets
    i told him everything
    he stayed awake with me
    at lonely late nights
    to heal my broken heart
    and he held me close to him
    i cried and cried and cried
    with him
    he told me i should smile
    i look pretty smiling
    so i fake smiled
    because i had lost myself
    and lost everything i had
    i cried and cried and cried
    he hated himself
    for being no use to me
    and i loved him for the things
    he has done for me
    but he didn't love me back

    the guy whom i lost
    called me unique and strong
    he gave me everything he had
    and i saw love in his eyes
    we made memories together
    some sad
    some happy
    but some painful
    he saw stars in my eyes
    and i told him to stay
    to never leave me alone
    and he said he has to go
    i cried and cried and cried
    in his arms
    he asked me to not miss him
    and always stay strong
    and move on
    because i'm precious to him
    and he left this world
    i cried and cried and cried
    he loved me as i am
    and made me feel things
    nobody else ever did
    i loved him back
    but love wasn't enough
    to make him stay
    i cried and cried
    and died

    ~ sifar

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  • jerry_21 4w

    ᴋɪʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏɴɪɢʜᴛ

    [Verse 1]
    Thousands of lies, hidden in eyes
    Will you come as, a blessing in disguise
    I'm burning myself, in rose shaded flames
I’ll write you in my poetry, and forget rest other names.

    [Pre-Chorus]
    You were once here (Oh)
    But now you are found nowhere

    [Chorus]
    Tell me how to fall apart
Take my love and break my heart
    Stab a knife, and twist and turn
Oh, my love, kill me tonight

    [Verse 2]
    I'm tired of smiles, it can't be alright
    Bluffing the whole day, and cry alone at night
    My senses are dead, and my soul turns cold
    I'm broken and weak, but people call me bold

    [Pre-Chorus]
    You were once here (Oh)
    But now you are found nowhere

    [Chorus]
    Tell me how to fall apart
Take my love and break my heart
    Stab a knife, and twist and turn
Oh, my love, kill me tonight

    ~ sifar

    Song recreated - This is how you fall in love by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler.

    @writersnetwork :”)

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  • jerry_21 4w

    Lately, grandma has been careless about many things because of her old age. Forgetting about days and time has been normal now but these days, she even begins forgetting to close the entrance gate of our house.

    Today was the same day, she left the gate open and went to sleep in her room. I was sitting at the entrance, waiting for Dad and everyone to come home but then I saw a black street dog passing through the road. He was gazing at me and then he started to growl a little. I couldn't resist myself to run out of the house. Seeing me coming on his way fast, he started running in the opposite direction. I ran even faster and barked even louder. I tried to attack him with my paws but eventually, I missed and he rode away.

    I lost my way back home and began wandering around the streets overrun with hustle and bustle. Unknown faces washed out with countless thoughts. Everyone lost in their imaginative world. Groups of people babbling about politics and money. Some lost in their cell phones. Cars and other vehicles drifting fast. And I was lost. Helpless and somehow weak.

    A man with a pale face came towards me. There was a dull grim on his face and he has biscuits in his hand. He came near me and fed me the biscuits. I ate them. He felt like a good and kind human being but then he wrapped a cloth over my neck and caught me. What was he doing, I thought? I wasn't able to run away because now, I was kidnaped. He took me to an old shop and hanged the cloth with an iron pole. I stood there, sad and guilty. Unaware of what is happening to me. I condemned that why did I run out of the house in the first place. Now there was nothing I can do to help myself. In my mind, I screamed. Somebody help me. Please. Help.

    That man was talking to someone over the phone. He said, “Come here, I can't take this huge dog by myself alone on the bike. Yeah, okay. Come fast before his owner come and caught us.” I stood blank. They were trying to steal me. What they wanted to do with me. Maybe they'll sell me or maybe they'll kill me. I was so wasted.

    But then something good happened. It felt like God itself was on my side. Because what I saw was unbelievable. I saw dad coming with my chain in his hand. I barked to tell him I am here. I barked to tell him how happy I am to see him. He rushed to rescue me and caught the man by the collar of his shirt. At that moment, it felt like he was some sort of star in a movie, or he was like superman. Actually, he is superman. My superman.

    He called the police immediately and some officers came and took that man to the police station. They asked dad to come along with them too for some paperwork. Dad gave my chain to bro and he took me back to the home. My safe and happy place.

    Today I understood that things happen. It all depends on us that how we deal with them. I realized that it was my mistake to run out of the house when I‘m not supposed to do it. I realized that some people are terrible but some are good. Nonetheless, my family is the best. I can never forget what happened today. I will always remember that how everyone cried by thinking that they've lost me. They will never see me again. When brother took me back home then both sisters hugged me tightly and sobbed for a long time. It was a very annoying yet comfortable feeling. I realized that they all love me so much and I love them back too.

    ~ Bruno

    P.S. - This is completely based on a true event. This all happened to my pet and that was an awful day. :”)

    #petfurc @writersbay @writersnetwork

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  • jerry_21 4w

    I’m an astrophile, he is a logophile.

    I made constellations of his scars by tracing the lines on his hands and he inscribed the phrases of affection at my fingertips. We both felt like orbs revolving around a consistent feeling that gave me the glimmer and him the words to write poetry.
    //I felt love is a beautiful thing.//

    I named him my sky and he named me his metaphor, we discovered the fall and rise, both in cosmic and poetic forms, together. He saw me crying when stars plunged from the sky and I saw him wishing on their fall. He saw me in pain and I saw him writing about my pain so happily.
    //I felt love is a conditional thing.//

    I painted myself in black and him in white to make him like the shimmering moon of my dull night. He asked me to go to the bar and hang out with some other guy so he can feel the pain to bleed melancholy on paper. I make him cry along with me when the sky was covered with dark clouds and there were no stars in it.
    //I felt love can make you do anything.//

    I tried to give him happiness but he wanted to feel the pain so, on one bright day, he left me. He wrote about how I broke his heart by cheating on him and I cursed stars for my fate. I loved him and he loved me too. So on one gloomy day, I killed him because once I have heard that after dying people become stars and I'm crazy for stars, more than I was crazy for him.
    //I felt love is the most deadly thing.//

    ~ sifar

    An old post. Not sure if it fits today’s prompt or not. XD

    #opposite @writersnetwork :”)

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  • jerry_21 4w

    RJ Harry: Now let's continue with our show “Confessions and love” and here we have a caller on the line. Hello, RJ Harry here. May I know who is speaking?

    Ben: Hello Harry, I'm Ben. Thank you for having me on the line.

    //Her heart skips a beat as soon as she hears his name. She instantly understood that he was crying before because his voice is soft and a little low. Still, it calmed her horrible emotions like a pacifying wave of the sea.//

    RJ Harry: No problem at all, Ben. So please tell us what do you want to confess?

    Ben: I called to apologize to my girlfriend for the mistakes I've made. She is a big fan of your show.

    //They used to listen to the Radio together while cooking or when they used to go on long rides together. He crushed every ounce of her but still, she misses him. She can never stop loving him even after knowing how horrible things he had did.//

    RJ Harry: That's great. I hope she accepts your apology and you two get along together again. So here you go, Ben.

    Ben: Thanks, Harry. *sighs*
    Hey, Olivia. I don't know if you are listening to this or not. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me or not. If you'll ever come back to me or not but still, I want to apologize to you. I'm so sorry, Olivia. For being a terrible boyfriend and even more terrible man. The things I've done are unforgivable and I know that very well. But I'm sorry for it. For everything.

    Your opinions were clear from the start. The promises we've made to each other were not just promises. They were feelings to us and I broke them. I broke every little thing we had and now we are suffering so much. All because of me. I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry.

    First, I want to tell you that I've burdened myself with a huge load of guilt for starting a fight in the first place. Things were alright, there was nothing to make an issue about but I did. I knew that you've had a lot of burden and stress on your delicate shoulders and where I should've supported you, where you needed me the most, I stood against you.

    The demise of your mother was the worst time you've endured. I've never seen you so down in years and it affected me a lot. Seeing you weeping alone at late nights and missing her was awful. I used to feel helpless because I tried every possible way to support you, to take you out of the murk of grief but all my efforts went in vain. I couldn't help you and I felt as if I'm no use to you. I felt that if I can't even relax the mood of the girl I love then what else can I do. I felt as if my existence is completely worthless and I stopped trying.

    You got a warning letter from your office that if you will not start paying attention to your work soon then they will fire you. But how could you? How could you work right when you were in so much pain? Nobody understood that but I did. Trust me, Olivia. I understood everything you felt. I saw your soul shattering into pieces and pieces when you read that letter. But I was shattered too. I felt pain too. And that's why I went to the club that night.

    I got highly drunk and my senses were completely lost. There was just one thing that overwhelmed every other thing. Pain. So much pain that I was not able to bear it. I needed you, Olivia. I needed you so bad but you weren't there. I wanted to cry while hugging you and tell you that how much you mean to me. How much your depression affects my mind. But you weren't there. I was lost, in pain.

    Then she came, Sophie. She asked me if I'm okay. If I needed any help but I was sobbing poorly. I was unable to speak that yes I do need help. I do need to be with you. All I could able to mutter was sorry. She hugged me and there was a kind of relief that took over all my pain. There was serenity because, in my mind, it was you. It was us together, and our worlds were settling down to their place again. It was love, Olivia. That I felt for you, not for anyone else.

    I can't remember what happened after that. How I ended up being with her when all I wanted was you and your warm hug. Comfort was all I needed in my sorrow. A huge mistake I made without even realizing what was I doing. Now I have nothing left. Everything I had was you and only you. Now you are gone. I'm broken and empty. When I close my eyes then I can see you, fading away gradually. Vanishing into the distance like the hazy sea. And I, falling apart in flakes like a morsel in space.

    //Her dim eyes burst into a thunderstorm of tears and she is trying to hold herself. He was always there for her but the pain she was withstanding was too much to take. Too much to think about anything or anyone else. Even her love and life.//

    I'm sorry, Olivia. I've failed myself and our relationship. I've failed our promises and most of all, I've failed you. How will I forgive myself for not being a good partner to you? I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't want your forgiveness. I just want you to be happy. Wherever you are, if you are listening to me, then, please take care of yourself. You matter to me more than anything else in this world. And I love you. I will always love you, Olivia. Always.

    //She is not able to control her emotions. Everything seems to crumble away and refurbishing at the same time. It's unusual to feel fall and rise, all at once. She needs to contact him. As her trembling fingers search for the phone, a boisterous sound starts honking in her ears. A heavy truck is coming right on her way at a fast speed. It's all dark outside and raining. Maybe the driver of the truck can't see her car parked around the side of the road. There is no time to do anything. She grabs the keys and rushes to start the engine but it’s too late. She hears the sound of a loud crash and blood starts oozing out of her head. In a few seconds, her whole body is flooded with blood, and her senses start collapsing. Her eyes are closing as she mutters, “I love you too Ben. Always.”

    ~ sangfroid and jerry

    P.S - Thank you sang for doing this collab. I can’t describe the experience I had in words. It was great. It was fun. ILY. 😭❤️

    #radioscript @writersnetwork 🙈❤️

    Check the first part under this hashtag - #radio_love

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  • jerry_21 4w

    Love is a curse
    So do not tell me
    You can heal the bleeding wounds
    That is a lie, the truth is
    Everything is meant to be broken
    And you do not believe
    Poetry and magic
    Because your heart contains
    Greed and ego
    More than
    Feelings
    You give importance to
    Past affairs
    And the thing that doesn't matter is
    Promises and trust
    It is true that people still value
    Materialistic things over emotions
    You will never choose
    To be honest
    Love is not worth fighting for
    Don't ever think that
    You deserve to feel special
    Because you know
    People only give false hopes
    And you no longer feel
    Beauty and positivity
    Because your mind is dazed with
    Negative thoughts
    You do not find any
    Satisfaction in little things
    Because you have found
    Only betrayal and hurt
    You are not meant for
    Love that resides only in books

    ~ sifar

    Now read it backwards. xd

    Again inspiration - @sangfroid_soul

    @writersnetwork ilysm. ❤️

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  • jerry_21 5w

    Flowers - Haiku
    Hope - Rondelet
    Death - Acrostic
    Life - Mini-monoverse
    Pain - Septolet
    Skies - Tanka
    Voids - Pleiades
    Love - Cinquain
    Bliss - Tricubes
    Poetry - Prose

    Wrote after a very long time, so thought to make it special.
    Inspiration - @sangfroid_soul 🙈

    @writersnetwork I missed you a lot. Thank you so much. 🙈❤️

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    𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬
    Flouncing in the breeze
    Blossomed with delicate hues
    Nature spurs beauty

    𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞
    Light will find you
    Amidst the dark valleys of pain
    Light will find you
    Shores of joy will engulf the blue
    Damp feet till tiptoe in the rain
    Sprouts of love will flourish again
    Light will find you

    𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡
    Dreams of life are tainted with hazy
    Evanescent shades of blur memories
    Amidst some incomplete stories and
    Tattered pages of smoldered poetries
    Humanity comes to an inevitable end

    𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞
    Hiding scars
    From the stars
    Fighting wars
    In the bars
    Nothing ours
    Except tears

    Gulping pain
    In the rain
    To sustain
    Handle strain
    Go in vain
    Die again

    𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧
    Body
    Flushed with
    Bleeding wounds
    And cryptic scars

    But it hurts
    to hold tears

    𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬
    Dawn breaking into
    Rosy shades of beginnings
    And dusk gives rise to
    Splatters of melancholy
    Slithered beneath dying sun

    𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐬
    Lost in sufferings of
    Lonesome past, humans seek
    Light hidden behind dark.
    Lamenting over our
    Loss does not fill up the
    Lacuna bestowed by
    Last moments of loved ones

    𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞
    Silent
    Metaphors of
    Love always smirk in hush
    Whenever I write you in my
    Poems

    𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐬
    Crimson skies
    Melting hues
    Of sunset

    Gentle breeze
    Brushes the
    Beautiful smiles

    Tranquil night
    Humming tune
    Of delight

    𝐏𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲
    Countless secrets lurk beneath the intricacy of words, and an ending seems blooming with every metaphor of forever. We, poets, write about contradictory things that are impossible to happen in real life or maybe those which we are afraid to tell anyone else. There is a sangfroid world that exists betwixt the incomplete verses which are not meant to be complete because some endings hurt more than half-done things, that does not make any sense.

    ~ sifar

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