Lately, I've been exhausted by closing chapters and beginning them again to feel the trauma of life. I've been tired of recouping thoughts to engrave them on blank pages though they were meant to quiver forever in the whirlpool of my mind.
Depression has no solution. The monsters beneath your bed will always write you letters, inked with your blue blood to kill you every night. Your sanity will never feel sane again. It's not always about wailing or doing absurd things, sometimes silence is more destructive than noise.
Anxiety is not easy to deal with. Shortage of breath in the open air and feeling desolate with the people who love and care for us is not common. Holding up to a heart that constantly feels heavy and hurt is terrible. No phrase is composed to describe the feeling of utter pain. How can people understand things until they haven't felt them?
Hope is a useless word that makes us keep wobbling in the spiral of life. We hope that things will get better soon and we will make our way out of this labyrinth but things get better only to be worse again.
My hands shake on nights when I scrape my pale membrane with stiff fingernails, carving them deep inside my arms to ooze melancholy. How I vocalize songs to the death while standing at the cliff, thinking to jump but the voice of some person I love always stops me and I come back home, apparently home doesn't feel like home anymore.
For hours I sit and count cracks on the ceiling because it's old though cracks on my heart are far more than it. So I started hitting those cracks in hope that it will dispose of some shades of love but they dripped the lust left by people who used me and afterward called me a whore. I always take that as a compliment and always will.
My skull is numb and my limbs are frozen. There is a black hole inside my ribcage that wears out all the flowers of light. It abandoned me but I feel like this devastation is beautiful. Blackhole is aesthetic. I painted a canvas with all gray paint and splintered some drops of blood on it. I named the painting life but people call it a masterpiece.
P.S. - Last post for a while, or maybe a long time. Who knows? Anyway, bye bye. :)
There are days when I don't trust myself, there are days when you don't trust yourself, and there are days when we don't even trust each other. I ignore your texts at late nights when you say you need me, and you leave me alone knowing that I'm in a dejected state. You ask me, "Are you okay?" knowing that I am not, and I don't ask you, "Are you okay?" knowing that you are not. //I know poets have trust issues//
On some dark desolate nights, after sobbing silently in our minds and hearts, we commit sins together and call them holy. I give you wounds with my painful words and then apply an ointment to heal them, you give me tears with your harsh words and then collect them saying they are precious. And the next morning, we behave as nothing had happened, and at night, again cry. //I know poets commit holy sins//
Somedays, I love you and you don't, but somedays you love me and I don't. Maybe they are those days when we can't even love ourselves. Light fades and darkness floods. Everything seems fake and reality shows death. Seeing with closed eyes, there is only death. Seeing with open eyes, there is only death. Seeing with the soul's eyes, oh shit, our soul is already dead? //I know poets are hard to love//
You bleed suicidal poems with your pen, and my body became numb and hands freeze. You kill yourself in your poems and I cut my veins pleading for death. I mourn and bleed stygian red, and you destroy our little painful yet beautiful world. I die and you cry until night gets over and morning gave me a new deadly life, to beg for death, to die again, and live and beg for death, again. //I know poets are so far dead//
Lately, grandma has been careless about many things because of her old age. Forgetting about days and time has been normal now but these days, she even begins forgetting to close the entrance gate of our house.
Today was the same day, she left the gate open and went to sleep in her room. I was sitting at the entrance, waiting for Dad and everyone to come home but then I saw a black street dog passing through the road. He was gazing at me and then he started to growl a little. I couldn't resist myself to run out of the house. Seeing me coming on his way fast, he started running in the opposite direction. I ran even faster and barked even louder. I tried to attack him with my paws but eventually, I missed and he rode away.
I lost my way back home and began wandering around the streets overrun with hustle and bustle. Unknown faces washed out with countless thoughts. Everyone lost in their imaginative world. Groups of people babbling about politics and money. Some lost in their cell phones. Cars and other vehicles drifting fast. And I was lost. Helpless and somehow weak.
A man with a pale face came towards me. There was a dull grim on his face and he has biscuits in his hand. He came near me and fed me the biscuits. I ate them. He felt like a good and kind human being but then he wrapped a cloth over my neck and caught me. What was he doing, I thought? I wasn't able to run away because now, I was kidnaped. He took me to an old shop and hanged the cloth with an iron pole. I stood there, sad and guilty. Unaware of what is happening to me. I condemned that why did I run out of the house in the first place. Now there was nothing I can do to help myself. In my mind, I screamed. Somebody help me. Please. Help.
That man was talking to someone over the phone. He said, “Come here, I can't take this huge dog by myself alone on the bike. Yeah, okay. Come fast before his owner come and caught us.” I stood blank. They were trying to steal me. What they wanted to do with me. Maybe they'll sell me or maybe they'll kill me. I was so wasted.
But then something good happened. It felt like God itself was on my side. Because what I saw was unbelievable. I saw dad coming with my chain in his hand. I barked to tell him I am here. I barked to tell him how happy I am to see him. He rushed to rescue me and caught the man by the collar of his shirt. At that moment, it felt like he was some sort of star in a movie, or he was like superman. Actually, he is superman. My superman.
He called the police immediately and some officers came and took that man to the police station. They asked dad to come along with them too for some paperwork. Dad gave my chain to bro and he took me back to the home. My safe and happy place.
Today I understood that things happen. It all depends on us that how we deal with them. I realized that it was my mistake to run out of the house when I‘m not supposed to do it. I realized that some people are terrible but some are good. Nonetheless, my family is the best. I can never forget what happened today. I will always remember that how everyone cried by thinking that they've lost me. They will never see me again. When brother took me back home then both sisters hugged me tightly and sobbed for a long time. It was a very annoying yet comfortable feeling. I realized that they all love me so much and I love them back too.
P.S. - This is completely based on a true event. This all happened to my pet and that was an awful day. :”)
I made constellations of his scars by tracing the lines on his hands and he inscribed the phrases of affection at my fingertips. We both felt like orbs revolving around a consistent feeling that gave me the glimmer and him the words to write poetry. //I felt love is a beautiful thing.//
I named him my sky and he named me his metaphor, we discovered the fall and rise, both in cosmic and poetic forms, together. He saw me crying when stars plunged from the sky and I saw him wishing on their fall. He saw me in pain and I saw him writing about my pain so happily. //I felt love is a conditional thing.//
I painted myself in black and him in white to make him like the shimmering moon of my dull night. He asked me to go to the bar and hang out with some other guy so he can feel the pain to bleed melancholy on paper. I make him cry along with me when the sky was covered with dark clouds and there were no stars in it. //I felt love can make you do anything.//
I tried to give him happiness but he wanted to feel the pain so, on one bright day, he left me. He wrote about how I broke his heart by cheating on him and I cursed stars for my fate. I loved him and he loved me too. So on one gloomy day, I killed him because once I have heard that after dying people become stars and I'm crazy for stars, more than I was crazy for him. //I felt love is the most deadly thing.//
An old post. Not sure if it fits today’s prompt or not. XD
RJ Harry: Now let's continue with our show “Confessions and love” and here we have a caller on the line. Hello, RJ Harry here. May I know who is speaking?
Ben: Hello Harry, I'm Ben. Thank you for having me on the line.
//Her heart skips a beat as soon as she hears his name. She instantly understood that he was crying before because his voice is soft and a little low. Still, it calmed her horrible emotions like a pacifying wave of the sea.//
RJ Harry: No problem at all, Ben. So please tell us what do you want to confess?
Ben: I called to apologize to my girlfriend for the mistakes I've made. She is a big fan of your show.
//They used to listen to the Radio together while cooking or when they used to go on long rides together. He crushed every ounce of her but still, she misses him. She can never stop loving him even after knowing how horrible things he had did.//
RJ Harry: That's great. I hope she accepts your apology and you two get along together again. So here you go, Ben.
Ben: Thanks, Harry. *sighs* Hey, Olivia. I don't know if you are listening to this or not. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me or not. If you'll ever come back to me or not but still, I want to apologize to you. I'm so sorry, Olivia. For being a terrible boyfriend and even more terrible man. The things I've done are unforgivable and I know that very well. But I'm sorry for it. For everything.
Your opinions were clear from the start. The promises we've made to each other were not just promises. They were feelings to us and I broke them. I broke every little thing we had and now we are suffering so much. All because of me. I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry.
First, I want to tell you that I've burdened myself with a huge load of guilt for starting a fight in the first place. Things were alright, there was nothing to make an issue about but I did. I knew that you've had a lot of burden and stress on your delicate shoulders and where I should've supported you, where you needed me the most, I stood against you.
The demise of your mother was the worst time you've endured. I've never seen you so down in years and it affected me a lot. Seeing you weeping alone at late nights and missing her was awful. I used to feel helpless because I tried every possible way to support you, to take you out of the murk of grief but all my efforts went in vain. I couldn't help you and I felt as if I'm no use to you. I felt that if I can't even relax the mood of the girl I love then what else can I do. I felt as if my existence is completely worthless and I stopped trying.
You got a warning letter from your office that if you will not start paying attention to your work soon then they will fire you. But how could you? How could you work right when you were in so much pain? Nobody understood that but I did. Trust me, Olivia. I understood everything you felt. I saw your soul shattering into pieces and pieces when you read that letter. But I was shattered too. I felt pain too. And that's why I went to the club that night.
I got highly drunk and my senses were completely lost. There was just one thing that overwhelmed every other thing. Pain. So much pain that I was not able to bear it. I needed you, Olivia. I needed you so bad but you weren't there. I wanted to cry while hugging you and tell you that how much you mean to me. How much your depression affects my mind. But you weren't there. I was lost, in pain.
Then she came, Sophie. She asked me if I'm okay. If I needed any help but I was sobbing poorly. I was unable to speak that yes I do need help. I do need to be with you. All I could able to mutter was sorry. She hugged me and there was a kind of relief that took over all my pain. There was serenity because, in my mind, it was you. It was us together, and our worlds were settling down to their place again. It was love, Olivia. That I felt for you, not for anyone else.
I can't remember what happened after that. How I ended up being with her when all I wanted was you and your warm hug. Comfort was all I needed in my sorrow. A huge mistake I made without even realizing what was I doing. Now I have nothing left. Everything I had was you and only you. Now you are gone. I'm broken and empty. When I close my eyes then I can see you, fading away gradually. Vanishing into the distance like the hazy sea. And I, falling apart in flakes like a morsel in space.
//Her dim eyes burst into a thunderstorm of tears and she is trying to hold herself. He was always there for her but the pain she was withstanding was too much to take. Too much to think about anything or anyone else. Even her love and life.//
I'm sorry, Olivia. I've failed myself and our relationship. I've failed our promises and most of all, I've failed you. How will I forgive myself for not being a good partner to you? I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't want your forgiveness. I just want you to be happy. Wherever you are, if you are listening to me, then, please take care of yourself. You matter to me more than anything else in this world. And I love you. I will always love you, Olivia. Always.
//She is not able to control her emotions. Everything seems to crumble away and refurbishing at the same time. It's unusual to feel fall and rise, all at once. She needs to contact him. As her trembling fingers search for the phone, a boisterous sound starts honking in her ears. A heavy truck is coming right on her way at a fast speed. It's all dark outside and raining. Maybe the driver of the truck can't see her car parked around the side of the road. There is no time to do anything. She grabs the keys and rushes to start the engine but it’s too late. She hears the sound of a loud crash and blood starts oozing out of her head. In a few seconds, her whole body is flooded with blood, and her senses start collapsing. Her eyes are closing as she mutters, “I love you too Ben. Always.”
~ sangfroid and jerry
P.S - Thank you sang for doing this collab. I can’t describe the experience I had in words. It was great. It was fun. ILY. 😭❤️
Love is a curse So do not tell me You can heal the bleeding wounds That is a lie, the truth is Everything is meant to be broken And you do not believe Poetry and magic Because your heart contains Greed and ego More than Feelings You give importance to Past affairs And the thing that doesn't matter is Promises and trust It is true that people still value Materialistic things over emotions You will never choose To be honest Love is not worth fighting for Don't ever think that You deserve to feel special Because you know People only give false hopes And you no longer feel Beauty and positivity Because your mind is dazed with Negative thoughts You do not find any Satisfaction in little things Because you have found Only betrayal and hurt You are not meant for Love that resides only in books
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This poem is soo close to my heart. Thank you thank you so much @mirakee and @writersnetwork thank you. I don't know how to thank you all enough but im feeling so grateful right now! you have my heart ❤️ I AM A CRYING MESS!
And when the time comes and I am lying on my deathbed in a stupor, semi-gone and all what remains is a book to entertain, the most sought after revelation and my dear fellow mortals you all will tear your hair out in utmost disgust and disbelief when the truth unfolds to reveal that you too had been tricked.
Will we ever meet again? Tell me dear rain. What does the future hold? These dearest zephyrs you've brought along never answer me, they just touch me and go away the way he did. This is the kind of day which reminds of all the pain love ever poured on me and left me to drown in it. It is like an inescapable purgatory, where I'll lie, writing metaphorical melodies in his name, which will remind him of our love after I end. I wish I could bleed cyan sonnets instead of this crimson pain. I wish I had never been in love, at least not with a mortal human being in this world full of immortal things. Like an abandoned highway is engulfed by the silence screaming on the top of it's voice, one day I'll submerge in the ocean of tears which I never cried. But the question is will I be able to come out like a pearl? Tell me dear rain or I'll paint you red.
Will it ever be alright? Tell me dear pain. All the scars life has given me don't drown me in agony anymore. The biggest error in my existence was being born. This dead air lying heavily above my shoulders is making difficult for me to breathe peacefully. My voice like the whispers of the moon, singing ode of love and harmony is now fading in the big void of memories he gave me. Tell me pain when will you leave my home? Tell me when will you leave me alone with this bulky heart of mine so that I can slay every inch of it. Tell me when will I stop loving the one who will never love me back. Tell me because I don't know what to do with all these words if not write poems to him. They say it'll be all fine one day but am afraid that there won't be that one day in my life.
@mirakee Thank you so much. You are love! ❤️ @writersnetwork Thank you so much for the repost. You are an angel! Many thanks to all the amazing people I've met here, as well! _______________________________________________
FOUNTAIN OF NEPENTHE
The fountain of Nepenthe
Lies between heaven and hell
Just a mile, from the falls of death
There, the souls await judgment
Patiently in their queues
Still in the wheelchairs
Broken IV lines trailing through
Some still shell shocked
Covered in road crash wreckage
The drowned are still damp
Choking on their last breath of water
And the maimed still bleed
Rivulets of crimson
But they all wait
Because, what is one more minute
When they've waited a whole lifetime
Just to find peace.
It's not about good and bad
Or the weight of a heart in a golden balance
Against an angel's feather
It's much simpler
Drink of the fountain
Drink the blessed Nepenthe
The ultimate freedom
Freedom from pain and memories
Untied from all the loves and hatreds
And most of all
Freed from the shackles of time
And as they drink
The wounds heal, the blood disappears
The scars erase, the tears all dry
The years fall away
But what of those who refuse to drink?
They stay just like this
All the cuts of life bleeding open
With the Morphine cut out