In my youth and more naive days, I was one of those people who suffered from low self esteem solely aggravated by the constant harassment of myself and comparison with anyone I deemed happy and successful. In those days happiness for me was measured by the monetary gains of a person. I was in a creative field where I worked for work satisfaction not the money. And since I would make much less money as compared to my peers and counterparts, the work satisfaction bit would seem negligent and of no value. It didn’t matter if or not these people were happy, they had money hence in my brain that meant they were both happy and successful and me , well not at all. I had no money, so naturally I was unhappy and unsuccessful, because successful people in my mind were not unhappy.
After a particularly bad breakup and painful healing that took me several years, I began to suffer from chronic anxiety . This was an amalgamation of all the failures both personal and professional that had accumulated over the years. Not only did I suffer mentally , the disease came to define all my social interactions with people. It was crippling both mentally and physically . I felt odd, like a big fat failure who was not entitled to any happiness in life .
I had at this point felt like a failure practically all my life. I felt like a dud, like a plague that had to be avoided at all costs. I cut off my friends and began isolating myself completely. I suffered, work suffered and I was basically miserable all the time . Who could like a failure? I knew the answer to that question very well, I couldn’t so why would somebody else. Depression became a friend and darkness seemed to be all around me.
It was at this juncture that I met someone who completely transformed my life, turned it around . I knew him from my childhood but we hadn’t really ever been friends. Accidentally he sent me a text one day instead of sending it to his other friend by the same name as me and we got talking.
Not only did he save me from inevitable self destruction, he also instilled in me a sense of self worth, that feeling of self satisfaction that ultimately led me to believe in myself for the first time and not feel like a complete and utter failure. I’m grateful for his guidance and will never be able to repay this debt. For his insight into all the things that were troubling me and his advice and guidance I’m so very thankful . It literally saved my life. Here’s what I learnt:
1. You are unique and there is no one quite like you. Take pride in your uniqueness.
2. You are worthy - of love, success and luck. If you do not value yourself , no one else ever will . 3. Be kind to yourself like you are to others, you deserve love and affection.
4. Celebrate your achievements no matter how small they maybe instead of pulling yourself down every time you stumble.
5. What is important to you may not be important to another person. So what is really important to you ? The answer to that is the key to your happiness.
6. Money is fickle and changes hands very easily. It is not a barometer of success. Success is when you have accomplished the goal you set out for yourself. Money is important but is not everything.
7. Who the world deems successful may or may not be happy. Happiness is an inside job and depends solely on our own selves.
8. Do one thing everyday that makes you happy, something you like doing, something you want to do.
9. Be grateful, you are alive, you are healthy and you have survived. Take a minute everyday to be grateful for who you are and what you have.
10. Pull positivity towards yourself. Leave people with negative energies out of your circle. You have the right to determine who gets to be in your circle. Push negativity out, completely.
11. Toxic relationships need to be severed even if they are with a family member. This will break the pattern of viciousness and meanness. There is no point in putting yourself through pain and ill treatment everyday. You don’t need to suffer. Trust your gut instinct. It is seldom wrong.
12. You have the right to happiness, to be successful , to not be a slave to your ambitions. It is good to have a dream but if you don’t achieve it does not mean the world is going to end. Brush yourself and start again.
13. Your choices and actions will come to define you not your failures - how you deal with them .
14. Trust yourself and your abilities, have faith in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will. You are capable of much more than you know.
15. Sorrow never comes alone. Happiness usually is just around the corner. You are given the tools and the ability to weather storms, all you have to do is to hold on.
16. Another person’s opinion of you does not determine who you are. You need to like yourself since you have to live with yourself. If you don’t there’s a problem. Others opinion of you is not your problem.
17. Choose who you let hurt you . Don’t let others run over you . You are not a doormat.
18. Don’t let others belittle you and make you feel small. Choose your friends wisely. They are the most important choice you will ever make.
19. Don’t be needy. Needy people make terrible life choices. Live life on your own terms. Define your own successes and failures.
20. Don’t be daft and not learn from your failures. They are the building blocks towards success. This is not the end but a new beginning. Recognise the difference.
I hope some of these things that I learnt from him over the years will also be of help to somebody else who thinks they are a failure and are in pain. I’m a much more sorted and collected person now. I am happier in life and don’t spend my entire time thinking about my failures. I move towards love and light. And for that I will forever be grateful that I was shown the right path at the right time. This is the greatest takeaway from failure in my life.
So so so sorry for being inactive. Was busy with some other stuff and wanted a break. I hope you all are doing good. Please let me know in the comments section. I promise I'll try to be active now. Stay blessed. Love love