My mind is the only catfish, It likes to deceive people on a daily, As if it’s some kind of game, Win or lose I always pay the price, One cut two cuts three cuts, It becomes a habit, Four cuts five cuts six cuts, It’s a hobby, Seven cuts eight cuts nine cuts, It’s an addiction, Ten cuts eleven cuts twelve cuts, I don’t know when to fucking stop, I’m so deep within this world, I don’t even want to stop.
It’s become my safe spot, My companion, My saviour, I’m so in love with this pain, Don’t get me wrong I am sane, But what do I have to gain, As it’s only a game, Between my mind and me, I swear you don’t give a fuck, So let me be,
Dear mind, Just have mercy on me, don’t step out of your lane, Take my heart and take my souls, That’s the only things I have left, Keep it safe.
Im fine, I dont need help, Im good, I dont need to call the psychiatrist, I'm awesome, But i still have urges.
My mind, Its like a black box, No way out, No matter how hard i try to get out, I can't because the only door it has, Is chained, Locked, And has extra padlocks for safety precautions.
Now and then, That door opens, Without force whatsoever, And i feel neutral, No saddness, All my possible worries, Temporarily gone, I start walking towards the door, But out of nowhere, Without any warning whatsoever, I get thrown back in, And the door shuts, The chains intertwine into eachother, Padlocks secure the chains with just a turn, Then the key gets thrown.
I go back to square one, Become a psycho in my own body, I get virtually tortured, Abused by my own mind, Whipped by my own feelings, But because of the endless times, My mind deceives me, I have no tears left to cry, No sympathy to give, No facial emotion to show, No screams of mercy to release, I am just an emotionless statue, Who has forgotten how its like, To actually give a fuck about herself, You're welcome though, Thats what you wanted and you'll get just that.
Each time i close my eyes, I'm honestly wishing, I never open then again, Never see the day light again, I'm just the black sheep, In a field full of white ones, The odd one out, The freak on the go, Different.
I try to talk, But nothing comes out, I try to fit in, But each time i try, I end up being ten times more different then i was, Which gives me another reason, To end my life, Another reason to cut, Another reason to give up.
I'm just dangling from a rope, On a single stand, Because each weight on my shoulders, Have made the strands of string that makes up the entire rope snap It has given in, The remaining strand though, It can snap any minute, Then i wont have anything to hold on, Anything to keep me going, And this is out of my control... _________________________________
Is it possible, to be allergic to people, Because each time I try to socialize, I don't know what to do, What to say, And it's affecting me as a whole.
Is it possible to constantly have an urge, And each time that urge appears, I have the need to accomplish it, Somewhat do what it wants me to do, Like a consecutive sheep, A slave, My mind is just bending, Through all this yet I'm pending, On this thin line defending, The last piece of me that remains, But it's a struggle.
Is it possible, To have not one bit of happiness within me, Because I can't pin point one, And it's slowly killing me.
Is is possible to be this good, At hiding all my pain, With a positive gesture, And never get caught, I mean a simple smile, Says alot, Yet that simple smile, Hides away agonising cries, Each laugh hides the fear I feel, And each smile hides the pain I'm feeling.
If the definition of a freak is what I mentioned then, Is it possible to be a human freak, Because I'm gradually becoming one...
Mirror mirror, On the wall, Why are my feelings always bold, Each pain I feel its excruciating, Each tear is like the River Thames, Each emotion is like a puppet, Dominate to its master.
Mirror mirror, On the wall, I'm under a spell, Which cannot be undone, Day in and day out, That spell is becoming stronger and stronger, And I'm becoming weaker and weaker, Yet this is happening faster and faster, Please make it stop.
Mirror mirror, On the wall, Do I deserve this pain from them all? I don't feel any different, And nothing is comparble to it, You see I look at you, I can see the pain in the eyes of my reflection, The cries hidden in the smile, And the agonizing screams of mercy within each laugh, Tell me, What did I do to deserve this?
Mirror mirror, On the wall, Would you be mad at me if I say, I hate that thing which looks straight back at me, Would you be mad If I say, I've given in, Because i have, I've been caught with something I shouldn't have many times, Yet I denied my way out of it always.
I don't know if i should be happy, Happy that im able to hide under my mask so well, Or just upset that I don't know how to stop it, Day in and day out, That mask, Becomes stronger than before, From paper, It turns to card, From card, It turns to wood, Then to concrete, Now its just made of something that's unbreakable, I've become so use to it now, So addicted, So drawn, That i don't know how to let go of that habit ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I've done it once, Cut till I bleed, I want to do it again, But im scared, I don't know why, It's not important, I'm not important, It's just, No-one knows what happens behid close doors, I cry and cry and cry, Thinking what will my next action be, Should I forfit? Surrender? Give in? Kill myself? But who knows, It could be for the best, Well never know until I try... ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this, Because day in and day out, Life is becoming more harder to live, Giving me more reasons to kill, A soul who wishes shes no more, I'm just slowly giving in now, Accepting reality, I mean I'm no good, I just want attention, But my concentration, With people is off, And my reflection, Butter sweet, I mean I've cut a few times, The last time though, I bled, But it's not important, I'm fine, I just want attention.
Hey everyone !!! I found an amazing picture this Sunday morning. Since Sunday is a fun day & we all need a break from our daily routine, to chill, relax, have fun & enjoy the life. Here I come up with my 2nd Picture Challenge
You have to write a 'short poem' or a 'short quote' on the basis of picture given below. Carve whatever comes to your mind after having look at this image. Imagine if this image would be your Sunday plan, how you really want to enjoy your day being with yourself.
Don't make the poem or quote too long. Try to carve it within 30-40 words. You have to use this picture as your post background picture as this is the picture challenge
Use #pari_pc2 to tag or else you can also tag me #pari_s Deadline :- 26 march Multiple entries not allowed. Plagiarism is strictly prohibited.
So, all the best to everyone out here. Hope you'll participate in this challenge and feel free to pen down your emotions, feelings thoughts in respect of this beautiful image.
Everyone is open to participate & please help me to share this challenge to all mirakeans ❤❤❤ Let me have those beautiful amazing creations of you guys
Result for the same will be announced on 27th march of top 3 best creations❤❤ #pari_pc2 Lots of love
Mom, After you have gone, My wiring system has been completely changed.
I loved to talk but I wasn't talkative, But I have become talkative.
I was Introvert, talked as much required, But don't know why I have been talkative, Is it that I am lonely.
I love to be what I am, but still I hate myself, Because I don't have so called good looks, So called good standard of studying, So called average student.
After you left I have lost a huge part of me myself, Consuming anti depressants of 585 mg daily like peanuts. Gained a huge amount of weight, Food habit changed, Every stage I make mistakes, If I do good then also I get hurled with abuses and comments. Earlier I never used to apologise much, But now my every step seems to be a mistake, Earlier I never used to hold my mistakes or wrong deeds of past, Now everytime I genuinely say sorry, Try to solve the problem or fight that moment that place and finish off the things, I get to listen that I am very sticky or chipkoo.
Earlier If I request someone to see something, People happily see, and like that day I am least bothered of criticism.
But if I request someone, I have to request persistently that too whole heartedly and ask them for a small support as I believe them as a close friend, And people name it that I force them I am a beggar, begging for support this that.
Mom I just want to say one thing, If you would have been alive I won't have been so Dissappointed, so disheartened and so lonely.
I am feeling so hurt that the tears are coming out while typing this and I am feeling furious upon myself that how lame I have been,how poor I have been, how people hate me so badly as if I am a bad dream in their life.
Mom I just have a request, Either come to this universe and hug me or you bless me with immense power you can and make me mature so that no one will say he is doing idiotic drama, he is mad he is immatured than me.
Mom if possible please come and hug me, give me all your power, I want to be that old boy who loved to talk but was a bit Introvert, less outspoken, but friendly, less feel of guilt.
The amount of love I have for myself is almost the se amount of hate I have for myself, I hate myself too.
I Love You Mom, I Hate You Mom.
I Love You Barry, I Hate You Barry, I Am Pretty Much Concerned Barry, How Will You Change, Hate You Barry.
Miss you so badly mom, I can't control my tears and anger on you and on me also.