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  • ibtidatahsinibnat 32w


    We learn to tie our laces, brush our hair. But these are not the only things that we learn in our childhood .We learn to lie. We also learn that a little lie can free us from getting into trouble. Fearing the hurt that we will get.

    Then a time comes. Fearing the punishment that we will get. Then we apply our learnings and lie .After we get caught we were proven what a disgrace we were.How they were shamed by us.

    But they never asked the reason. Never assure us that it was okay we could tell them the truth whatever it was.That they would have made us understand what our fault was. Not made us feel hurt.

    But it never happened. We got more terrified and started to lie .Started cover the truth fearing the pain it would get us.

    Then it turned into a circle. The more they raised the punishment the more we lie.The more they disgraced us.

    But all lies we told because we were afraid .We were thrown into the corner. We were the disappointment from which we wanted to ran away.

    But we were nothing but a satan himself to them who did all that intentionally. Yes it was intentionally but no one ever asked the reason why.

    And the lies continued ........

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w


    Why did the nightmares come and destroyed the beautiful dream.
    Why a beautiful day was ruined by a moment.
    Why the bad memories are never forgotten.

    When the pain comes it keeps coming. Why it never stop for a moment and gives us rest.If it did then we could fight a little longer.

    Why wonderful memories keep coming when we are happy. Why it doesn't come when we are unhappy.

    When we keep laughing at something than I think why things like that don't happen when we cry.

    When all the things are going right,we are always surrounded by wonderful people. Why do we have to be lonely when we need someone the most.

    When we need something we don't get that .When we get something there's no longer a need for that .

    If this is the world we live in I want to turn it over .I want all my nightmares to go away.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w


    I was a backbencher.
    I was a backbencher so I didn't had any emotions. So my respected teachers and dearly friends could speak anything to me .Their bad words didn't reach to my heart .
    I wasn't considered as a student neither as a human. So they talked me as roughly as they could.
    As I was a backbencher I was invisible also.So they never considered for anything .My right things were cover under a invisibility cloak just like me .But my wrong things were not covered by them .So all the time they were darting into their eyes .So I am always popular on the country and talk of the town .
    Because of my poor result I became a backbencher. But I didn't just only lost in academic,I also lost in everything .So my identity my unworthy,disloyal,liar and all the wrong terms in the dictionary.
    So backbenchers are part of the education system and not also.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w

    Live Again

    Some say they want to live their childhood again.They wish to have the innocence again.
    Some say they want to live the teenage again. They wish to have the stupidity again.
    Some say they want to live the youth again. They wish to have the spirit again.
    But my selfish heart doesn't want it all.I don't want to live the pain again.
    But I do want to have the happy moments again .Even they're really less.
    Some say I am very lucky to have such a life .I should be grateful.
    But when I count the beauty ,it ends early .when I count the ugly,the count keeps going.
    Some days,I wish I could have a machine which can actually tell me if I am wrong or right .And I really wish to be proven ugly.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w

    If I Had Freedom

    If I had freedom,then I would not have to ask for permission .
    If I had freedom,then I could speak like the way I want .
    If I had freedom,then I could actually show the true self of mine .
    If I had freedom,then I could speak without any hesitation.
    If I had freedom,then I could speak in front of everyone.
    If I had freedom,then I could go in front of any one.
    If I had freedom,then I could shout,I could curse.
    If I had freedom,then I could have my own goals.
    If I had freedom,then I could plan my own future.
    If I had freedom,then I didn't had to do anything for someone else's sake.
    If I had freedom,then I didn't had to make all those sacrifices.
    If I had freedom,then I didn't had to go through all this loss.
    If I had freedom,then I would not be repenting for all those moments now.
    If I had freedom,then I actually could live my own life.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w


    I grew up hearing the marvelous friendship stories of my mother .But I never had such a memory. I was a new student in my school at grade 1 .And from the first day they started bullying me .I was the least preferred student of my class .So I couldn't complain the teacher. They used to mock me every time. They even used to fake report to me .I was also compared to garbage .They used to tell me how ugly I looks. They used to touch my stuff with just only two fingers beacause I was dirty to them .They even used to talk how poor I was. Even my seat partners used to never talk to me .I was ignored by everyone .My presence and absence were similar .But one day I decided that I won't tolerate this any longer and I built my confidence. I built a new personality. I am no longer the person who stays at silence.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w

    I fear

    I fear. I fear to choose between my family and career. I fear if I choose may career over my family than one day I would be in my death bed and I will have no one besides me.
    I fear if I choose my family than what if they never value that . I fear to trust what if they broke it .
    I fear to be a friend. What if I'm not the person they want as a friend.
    I fear to share my feelings if they don't get it .
    I fear to give my word if I couldn't be able to fuifill it.
    I fear that one day I would not be able to purse my dreams.
    I fear that some day I will hate the passion I have now.
    I fear one day in the future I will look back at my past and hate myself .
    I fear one day all of my rights will be turn into wrongs.
    I fear one day I will realise how much wrong I was I .
    I fear one day nothing will be left to me except repentance.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w

    # pod

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    Counting the days I lost over some stupid failure. Counting the days I lost over some unnecessary tension. Counting the days lost over shredding tears over someone who doesn't care. Counting the days I lost because someone else humiliated me. Counting the days I lost by sharing those with someone who didn't care. Counting the days I lost by doing something that I didn't wanted to .Counting the days I lost over because I couldn't face the words people will throw at me .Counting the days I lost grieving the past.Counting the days I lost over some stupid society rules. Counting the days I lost because I couldn't admire others ignorance. Counting the days I lost because I was frustrated with the issues of my life. Counting the days I lost cause I couldn't stand out for my own sake. Counting the days I couldn't speak out for my own self. Counting the days I thought I was no one over some one else's thoughts. Counting the days I lost over fearing that the past shall repeat. Counting the days I lost in repenting why I let them have a chance to give me so pain . Counting the days I lost just because none other than my own self.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 35w


    My friends love me .They love me because they love the stories I tell them of me . But they don't know that these are really just stories. They love me because I don't get angry at any one. They don't know that I just got used to it . They also love my perfect life. They don't know that worst things are not to be said. They love me for my confidence. They don't know the amount of times I shuddered. They love the funny stories of mine they don't know the ugly ones. They love me as a people's person .They
    didn't see the girl who used to cry alone. They know me as the popular kid of the school .They didn't know the girl who was being bullied for being the new girl. They love me for doing the right .But they don't know the wrong things happened to me .They love me but they won't love the journey that make me their loveable.

  • ibtidatahsinibnat 36w


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    I punished myself

    I punished myself that ,I could not fit in my perfect family frame.I punished myself because my cool friends couldn't consider me cool .I punished myself cause I couldn't fit either in kitchen or in books.I punished myself cause I couldn't fit in the term of beauty in others eyes. I punished myself because people considered me slow than others.I punished myself because people considered me abnormal because I couldn't solve maths.I punished myself because everyone that I am manners less. I punished myself because people didn't like me when I stated the wrong. I punished myself because my choices were not considered right to others. I punished myself and tried to fit in the society. I punished myself and tried to be normal because in this society being different means being out cast . I punished myself because when I couldn't follow error full traditions of our family and became an outsider. I punished myself because I was different,my thoughs were different and I couldn't go against that .Thus,I punished myself.