If you feel, your destruction As these winds blow Through the sorrows, that Tangle between your hair Reaching your fears In the iris of you eye As you watch the mountains Carrying the deepest secrets Of the valleys
Then you exist.
If you tred through The whispers of these waves As they wash away your sins From those lines on your palms That trembled each time You bid adieu To your own self Turning into the layer of skin You have become today
Then you exist.
If you know These clouds too Have been waiting for you Wanting to elope With your own identity To carry you in its arms Seven skies above Casting a shadow over These slopes, and waterfalls Then picking you into Millions of raindrops So you can remain, where your soul is
Then you exist.
~ Lake District 2019, a place where I can feel I finally exist
You see, my 'ideal' man is him. He doesn't know it, maybe he will never that is if he got to read this sentence. He will never exactly know how I REALLY mean it. It is less like the space between the first text "I love you" and the second "I really love you so much" I sent after 1.2 seconds and more so like the letters I wish to write to you in cursive writings, where each letter proposes to the syllable, completely entwined. To the address I found in a complete forest of details, that I looked up till 5.32am on a random night...or morning...or the time between Tuesday and Wednesday when the world is completely innocent, unpossessed by the cynicism. You see he will never really know, how I bookmark the pages not with the flowers, but the scrambled, scented dust I make from them as I tear it from its emotions between my cold fingers that reject to show you how much you really mean to me. I keep it at vulnerability when you ask me, but it actually is mutuality. It's unusual to think so intensely, about how each second of our silence pulls me into a moment I live when I kiss your dry lips and fill each crack on that bottom lip, while in reality, you are on a grey wall sipping the papery taste from your cigarette. I never tell you all of this, because I don't know if you would seal that broken top button on my shirt with your intentions before any other guy laid an eye on my bare skin because I feel I belong to you. No, don't mistake this for overprotectiveness, its rather the intent I desiderate than wanting the prolonged, pesky arguments that don't know how to end at love. I don't know if you would really know the love I have for you, that I don't show because I don't know if your love looks out (although it is practically impossible to make it to that minute), when I took the last sip of an intoxicating Nazm (verse), then diluted in my midnight coffee to wear off its passion before I text "Good morning" to you.
Between Twinkling lights Faces Turned blind Thoughts Stirring inside Not wanting To stop tonight As i walk past This winter At midnight Dancing to forget The lone me Who forgot There's nothing But absence And me Strangers smile At my crazy Misery unfelt Veiled by 'busy' Materialistic joys Beautiful Like carousels Round and round Stirring in talks No more genuine Maybe its her Her heart That forgot What 'real' feels Far far far From everyone I'm lost inside Where lights Are bright Like a companion This winter Tonight.
I don't daydream anymore Or count who left and who came. No longer dipped in the melancholy Of my mind. It should be a good thing, right? I don't know what it is though. When the tingles no longer pierce me. Only the relevant started to matter The irrelevant doesn't wander anymore. Neither empty nor filled This galaxy of a thousand thoughts. I don't sit anymore Beside my own soul. To ask her if she feels anymore. With time escaping Quicker than dry sand granules I don't feel The old me anymore.
I find pleasure in committing all the sins Smirking, imagining Murdering a bit inside of me The one that cries Overwhelmed with thoughts Possibly emotions too But they forgot to knock the door Of my eyes today I saw them gush out Whilst I was dripping in blood Caressing the child in me Who did wish, she was alive But I killed her for the billionth time Just like all the other times, when She peeked out I told her to die again She daren't reveal herself No one takes care of her So I'll take the throne And decide who is to leave And who is to rein.
Maybe it was the forever We created while we laughed And then - It slipped ; with each inch these clouds moved the mountains in me and stars fell apart. My world changed I don't know what to do without you And your night time stories, of a curly-haired girl tucked next to me...or an idiotic boy, admiring me from far but a kid up close, poking my nose. I've taken a promise from you Don't forget that now When we slept under the same sky Oceans away Come back now.
// FLOW //
◆ I don't know where he's gone and I don't know how else to call him back. If you guys can help me call him back and send some blessings over that would be more than enough. Thank you.
PS: No he's not my partner, he's one of my dearest friends
Folded letters Turned to dust The petrichor Calling out Our names As I settle Onto your skin Like rusted dirt And you like rain Pouring onto me Tipping my bottle Of unsaid emotions That penetrate Deeper Than my goosebumps And pierce me So bad It hurts Alot But I... I love you And I can't do Anything About it So here I blow On these specs Of memories Wrriten On these pages Blending With the salty Rain - you Who seeps Into my Vulnerable space Under Your messy curls And warm desires And empty Eyes That fill For 2 seconds When they See me Being yours. Is it too much To ask To stay And belong Together Because I am tired Of being alone Hurt Held uncertain From my own fate Of speaking I want to be Hushed Silent Sheltered From myself My monsoon Will you Please remain?
// FLOW //
◆ Thank you so much for all the comments on my previous posts while I was away. Means a lot guys
.....So here, I'm tagging the people whom I want to meet in real life, in person. If you also have somebody, friend, sort of family, Who met you here and now is sharing a beautiful bond of friend, sister, bestie, brother or whatever, Tag them and let them know that they are special, That you wanna meet them in person!❤️