1. You're so lonely to touch something that touches you back, yet all night long you hear the rain pattering dismally against the panes. In the morning you stare at the Sun for too long that it blinds you. You walk past city apartments with window-sills full of plants, and you always turn back to look at them, and suddenly all your bones start to crack under the weight of all the lives you're not living. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 2. You wake up from a deep slumber with the impression of a carpet on your bare knees and try to make sense of your suffering. You stand in front of a bottomless mirror and wonder if that's how you look when nobody can see you. If nobody knows you're alive, are you? It's like feeling as strong as licking your blood out of daggers and as fragile as sanity on the brink of madness. You know, some days you're nothing but the sound of the world ending. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 3. You live in the beauty of an unfathomable mistake where everything dies on the creases of your lips. You write cliche poems and read them to a stranger who doesn't read books because it's easier to explain your reality without dying in someone's metaphors. Everyone knows you breathe in spaces they can never touch because you're the only language you can write. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 4. You love the soft shade of the boy next door who never looked back at you. You realized it a long time ago that there are worse things in this world than dying because life oozes out of your skin when he tells you he might fall in love, but not with you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 5. Poetry breeds lilacs out of your dead veins, you exist but not outside this poem.
"There's such divine violence in forgiving someone you've once loved for not loving you as much as you did"
The world was unkind to me. I wanted people to shudder when they hear my name, but I never had those hands that could set someone on fire. I think my tongue had too many safety muscles, it kept touching the cuts in my mouth rather than uttering words that could crumble someone's heart. I remember waking up one August afternoon to the sound of rain in my grandmother's house and telling her when the sun rose up just over the balcony that I didn't want to fight anymore, and I remember her smiling at me and putting my curls back in my ponytail as my dress flared up in the bright sun under a rose archway. "World is fleeting my dear" she said, "It's never gonna forgive you for being yourself, It's you who has to forgive and you'll slowly learn to live with it that sometimes you've to keep moving on without people being sorry for all the wrong they had done to you" I never quite understood but then you came around, you told me about grief and how it deepens with every passing day but it's fleeting just like my grandmother used to say.
You were kind to me, and I wanted you to feel love when someone calls my name rather than to fear my existence. My tongue never had to touch the cuts in my mouth around you, but you left without any warning, and it was me who had to forgive you for loving me. I wanted everything to be still, just as you left it, so to this day, I haven't untangled your earbuds. Your hair still in the brush, your clothes are still disheveled as you're trying to find your old jeans. I've cut the tree down on which you used to write poems about me, in case it grows back.
Years later, I remember waking up in my grandmother's house to the sound of rain but she was not there to hear me say, "I don't wanna fight anymore" but I know if she were, she'll say, "There's such divine violence in forgiving someone you've once loved for not loving you as much as you used to, "The world taught you about grief and he taught you that absence is another name of it"
Pic credit: Pinterest, picture credited to its rightful owner
Thank you so much for the repost @writersnetwork. It warms my heart to see that people are ok talking and reading about a topic like stillborn children , which is still not discussed in polite conversation. Thank you for choosing to repost this .
Peace and tranquility seem like a dream to me. So ironical though, as dreams are the reason for my misery. These dreams, they don't allow me to shut my eyes as they fear their existence would never become a reality. They fear they'll be another forgotten chapter. Hence, they pound on my imagination to carve their place.
I'm tired now! Tired of dreaming. Tired of telling myself that the silver lining is just around the corner. Tired of reminding myself that the gazebo of darkness will lead me to my home, to my sunshine. Tired of pacifying myself that this too shall pass. Tired of consoling myself, for this is just a phase.
My heart wants to take control but my head won't leave the throne. I guess I gave too much power to it as now it possesses more than me. Forcing me to relinquish control over my very own body.
As a kid, dreams fascinated me. For how our imagination could construct a world of itself. Where everything goes according to our desire. Nothing to worry about at all. And in this procedure of faking a world, I lost control on the real one.
I have no idea what I want anymore. Do I want to put a smile and believe everything will be fine, or do I want to stay betwixt the cobwebs of the dark attic where I'm a prisoner currently? For I've lost track of everything. Discombobulated to the core.
Wasn't in my right mind to write anything really so don't know if this poem could convey what I really wanted to.
@surefire you are that one person who feels like hope; and I mean it. You have made a place in my heart both as an adorable bhaiya and a respectful person. I love you bhaiya, I never had any elder brother and you truly feel like one :")
@sangfroid_soul that day, when you lend me your shoulder even when you had your exam. And trust me, after that I was able to eat something and I felt good too. Can I ever thank you enough? I don't think so.
@nitrousoxide tu hai hum dono ka bhaijan. Tu sabse cute hai yha, and I love you for your tremendous support and wise words. Really I don't know where I would have been without you ppl ;-;
@_ashna_ we don't know each other but you see, you made a very big impact in my life. Thank you for being the loyal friend you are
These people have felt like a true hope note in my journey here. Thank you for being :")
No sympathies or sorries in the comment box. -.-
But you are allowed to leave a hope note in there if you would like to or tag a person who means the same to you.
A shackled home in a pristine world Like a broken heart in a beautiful body I wander in woods of wisdom and will Guessing how to end it or it ended already I put on a coat and a pair of dusty shoes Walking by the riverside awaiting dawn I don't know if it's mine or damn who's But far beyond my sight I see a green lawn Lush green and brazen if you look for long Paradox of my thoughts or an insane road As I walk ahead I hear a familiar song It's a woman calling me to shed my load Oh, these bloody visions haunting me Why do I hear her sing when she's long gone? A spear in my hand just got some blood on it The blood of one who's in my dreams reborn She sings, "Just for once, let me free For once I beg you, my lord. Have mercy!" Drunk on the power my spear bestows I sink myself as low and the low goes She wails and screams to no avail The monster in me gets no frail I push the spear through her heart I watch in gasps her soul depart
Following day I count butterflies in the lawn The shimmering sun comes to my rescue I follow the sunlight where nobody's gone Thinking of how to pay the devil its due I walk into a cave where I find many skulls There must've been a war inside before Shedding my load of spear down on rocks I intend to listen the songs sung ashore Every soul departing in agony leaves a mark For people to come next and listen to them On surface of rocks and tree's barks The lost souls write a thousand anthems Shattering the sky and breaking the wind These songs travel to unravel all memories No matter how long they go unheard Their screams someday become reveries We don't have music to soothe our hearts We must've had it to keep the dead alive The gods and demons and fallen angels When we die, the music helps them survive
Broken to the level of disgust I find nothing could bring me peace I pick up all skulls and sing to them A song of how to surrender or to seize I break into tears upon my own sins Murdering someone murdered me within All I dreamt of was a way to end myself Or a way to wipe my unforgivable sin
Then a skull began soaring up in air I watched it laugh at me in despair Its eyes glowed gold and red It told me something in a low voice He said, "When you disregard other people's humanity, you also kill yours." I wept and wept on the floor of that cave The world outside seemed timid And I looked not so brave What does it take to find oneself? Just knowing the monster within you And keeping an eye on it. All the time.
There's something about you that always feels perfectly new like a morning star dipped in vanilla and powdery sky. You always taste like my first love. Whenever in July the monsoon hits the calendar Your smiles drop pitter patter rain on my soul. In evening,when your hands caress me. butterflies tie knot and sanguine sunset inside my tummy. You're like all seasons portrayed in a single frame, The creamy silver skyline and blueberry fields in summers. The rusty leaves and briskly whispering air in Autumn, The icy winter and warm arrival of newly born florets. All I see in you. Whenever our memories trip my brain, They blink and wink like traffic lights. slightly tickle my abode as fur troubled by air. In days when day dreaming is forbidden, My sense of wonder dreams of you. Of how I found a universe trapped inside a single soul. Where lies the bed of daisies and orchids? I trust my vision that's why I want to see how love grows. Iwant to see how love steals heart.