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  • fadedautumns 15w

    Not a write up. Motivation for people who struggle to find motivation through the normal you-can-do-it ways.

    I'm one of them.

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    No one cares if you don't

    This could be taken in two ways.

    1. Care about your goals because no one else is going to. Don't wait for others to join. It's your own path, so walk it.

    2. Don't fuss over little things because no else cares. Said wrong thing at the wrong time? Cracked a joke that nobody else got? Wrote a 200 word debate before realising you're on the wrong topic? Accidentally unmuted mic and the whole class witnessed your not-so-subtle snoring? Forget it, no one cares (except the last one. You'll just have to live with the consequences for the last one). Nevertheless, try not to be too hard on yourself and learn to let things go.

  • fadedautumns 15w

    "And when I'm gone
    Just carry on, don't mourn
    Rejoice, every time you hear the sound of my voice
    Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
    And I didn't feel a thing
    So baby don't feel no pain
    Just smile back"

    ~Eminem


    Note: If you're a serious nihilist (skeptic, cynic), I believe it's different. That could be counted as a choice, but I don't really see the point in believing nothing because even then you're strongly believing in the idea that nothing is to be believed.

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    Reasons

    I don't have a real self
    What you know is what I show
    A million faces try to shield
    A face that even I, fail to see
    Which one of it
    Would you remember?
    The one that held you through your nights?
    Or the one that you had to hold?
    It's not the same, how can it be the same
    How can a person be known
    Within a couple of days?
    Maybe you'd seen a value I keep
    But you don't know what other values
    It stems from
    So I'd been kind to you
    But you don't know what made me do it
    It could be a thousand of reasons
    You can't even tell if it's real
    And yet
    You believe it
    Because what other choice
    Do you have?



    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 26w

    A RUN TO THE START

    Three miles from the line
    Four hours into the forest
    Five feet deep in my mind
    Six tears set the fire alight

    Seven words I’ve spoken today;
    Listen, I want to be left alone
    Eight seconds for the words to sink in
    And I’ll be back here before dawn

    Nine scratches for the pain to feel real
    Ten red eyes watched me leave
    Eleven trees heard me make no sound
    Twelve dark spots made me stop the count

    Shaking, standing on the edge
    Where no one could’ve followed
    And it’s not their pain to bear;
    Not their hand to hold

    I could feel the warmth in their eyes
    But no words could possibly explain
    This glacial frost now spreading inside;
    It’s getting harder and harder to refrain

    Its better I’m left alone
    Solitude is the only healer I’ve known
    I hold on to a pulsing light, and it
    Takes me to my only home

    Deeper into the woods
    I’m falling, there’s no way out
    But I know if I keep going I’ll reach
    For I’ve been here before

    A clearing, a fading moon
    Slightly blurred at the edges I see
    Two strangled howls rip the night apart
    As one lone wolf sinks to her knees


    Amnesia

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    “Hold this rope while I dive into my soul; don't even bother pulling it if I don't come up on my own.”

    Ahmed Mostafa

  • fadedautumns 31w

    Friends

    They live inside my head
    I feed them
    I raise them
    And they're tearing me apart
    The shouting is becoming
    Unbearable these days
    Nothing I do is falling right
    Too many voices
    Cut like knives
    And they shout at me
    For falling weak
    And I let them live
    For it gets lonely otherwise
    But they are taking all my space
    And trapping me in
    And sometimes,
    They take on the form
    Of a monstrous hand
    And make me scream
    As it closes down on me
    Yelling at me
    Throwing swears I've never
    Throw at anyone else
    It's getting out of hand
    All windows on my head are closed
    The voices are getting
    Louder and louder
    And no one can hear them
    But me
    But we're only YOU! They say
    Who's name do we bear?
    Which other face could we have?
    It's your own thoughts
    That we echo
    Your own resentment
    Ricocheting off these walls
    Angels, demons, demons, angels
    It all stems from you
    It's you screaming inside your mind
    It's you breaking
    Cry after cry
    And we feed on your tears
    Your fears
    And I know I can't
    Separate them from me
    Their vacancy will only
    Generate more of them
    I keep coming back in circles
    Everything keeps repeating
    I feel like a puppet
    Whirling in this ocean
    Thrashing from shore to shore
    Only to be swept off my feet
    As the tide falls
    And these friends of mine
    Cheer me on
    Whichever way I turn


    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 36w

    Disclaimer:

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    Cursed

    Thrice the dwarf flapped his wing
    And gave me a curse wrapped in blessing
    "You shall sing; but hate your voice
    You shall speak; but without choice
    You shall dance and swing and rhyme
    Until you get tired of time"
    And till date I try to shake off his words
    But each one seems more and more rehearsed
    As it falls out of my teeth
    Maddening whosoever I am present with
    Ask me, if you want to know the weight
    Of all the words leftover on your plate
    Ask me if you want to know the price
    Of one single literary device
    It ruins the line, when together crammed
    With similes and puns and metaphorical jam
    And funnily enough, it brings more than one
    Meaning to a meaningless pun
    All my friends left me alone
    When I asked them to bring home a garden gnome
    Now stranded in the forest, I gloomily pine
    For one- just one disjointed line
    So lest it be set adrift
    I will now pass on my gift
    Tell me, who next will volunteer
    For this noble art of blasting ears


    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 36w

    Write-ups seem incomplete, I keep losing track of what I wanted to say

    The dam seems on the verge of its break these days

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    Pointless

    There is a dam made of pebbles
    Inside me
    Everything I do
    Is measured by the virtue
    Of its strength
    And every lesson I learn
    Piles up against it
    And when it breaks
    It creates the most beautiful flood
    I have ever seen
    Cleansing me of pain
    And washing everyone else
    With it
    The wall shatters
    And so does all my restraint
    Control is anyway
    An illusion
    I was never in control
    Of my own self
    We are only experiments
    Of Nature
    It's a chance existence
    Accidental creatures
    Feeding on each others' emotions
    Wasting decades
    On burying them
    Building dams
    To keep the spirits in
    To keep the others out
    Seeing everything
    But the point
    In it

    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 37w

    Sometimes I pick random titles from the thesaurus

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    Ricochet

    Say it with silence
    But you're the first to scream
    When night inches
    Confidence
    Is a slippery apparel
    Which will soon tear
    If you don't stop
    Pulling at it
    This one doesn't suit you
    Because it's not yours
    It's borrowed
    Like this very truth
    You're already
    Half asleep
    How long do you think
    You can last?
    Shout at me if you like
    You're hardly making
    Any sound
    Strike at me
    With what you have
    You're not leaving
    Any mark
    Because everything you have
    Was someone else's
    Because everything you say
    Is but an echo
    Of what has already been said
    You're fading away
    Too soon, too quick
    Time has swept your feet out
    From under you
    Already, can't you tell?
    You're not you
    Anymore


    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 38w

    Blind Dive

    Yes they can see you trying
    But the water is too deep
    All you need is a deeper dive
    To get higher than you've been
    And it's tricky of course
    The storm is here to lure you in
    But you cannot sleep
    Not this time;
    When the cliff itself is calling
    They've seen your fall
    And they want to see one more
    You can only play along
    Till your lungs are filled
    Breathe quietly now make no noise
    You have to come up again;
    Accept your mistakes first
    And then they'll forgive
    But the only way down
    Is the only way up, still


    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 38w

    I thought I had it under control

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    Agitation

    Lay down now
    You've fought hard to give up
    Even the stone is cruel
    It sinks into your spine
    Fold your elbow
    And make it snap
    Twist your face skywards
    Who's sneering at you?
    There's a threat in the air
    Around which
    Your fears condense
    Invisible ropes
    Try to lift you off the ground
    Make you stand
    Make you fight
    Your vile thoughts
    Wrap around your throat
    Finally-
    They've been holding back
    For too long
    It's time now
    Get down and stay there
    Close your eyes out of
    Pity for them
    Virgin senses
    That you overlooked
    In a hustle to reach nowhere
    You should've chosen the sea
    Atleast it let you fall
    Atleast it let you drown
    You can't turn back now
    It is but futile
    So shut your mouth
    You've exhausted your screams
    Your thoughts are your ropes
    And there's no threat
    Only your fears hang over you
    Lash at them
    And break your fingers as well
    It's an absurd struggle
    You've lost already
    Your mind has turned against you
    Who are you fighting now?


    Amnesia

  • fadedautumns 39w

    I once read that language was developed to connect with others, to bond. And every time you use it to hurt someone, every time you break the silence for any other reason you are drifting away from its purpose. Soon you'll lose the connection with yourself as well and won't realise it until you're left feeling drained.

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    Unforeseen

    Empty words are cursed
    Stuck in a perpetual freefall
    Some get carried away by the wind
    And some fall into your brain
    Some are meaningful enough
    To form a sentence
    And some are clever enough
    To slip through
    The pause that you make
    In between your sentences
    And then they break and reform
    And accumulate bit by bit
    Creating a false high
    That grows to fill all space
    That once held the truth
    Inside your mind
    So when your soul
    Searches for words
    All it finds are their carcasses
    And it will scream
    And drain itself out
    But you will be too busy
    Throwing empty words at others
    To notice


    Amnesia