#writers_breath

1 posts
  • light_ofthe_heart 70w

    Was I Or Were You Toxic???

    Okay so I literally didn't know what to write, but as I was scrolling through statuses, I came across that of my ex. Yesterday was his birthday and I didn't even know. I recently re-saved his number though.

    Who is the most toxic one among the both of us?
    You loved me after you first saw me while I loved you even before seeing you
    I fell in love with your name not knowing we would meet the next day
    We became a thing afterwards and you couldn't just keep your mouth shut
    Obviously you fell head over heels and konji was disturbing you from your wordings
    Or maybe I thought you did
    You shamelessly scratched your body in front of a friend of mine and in public
    I couldn't take that in and had to let go of you for my sanity
    You came back for me and pestered until you got hold of my attention
    Then the no calling and texting, not even calling back after you promised started
    I am that lady that loves to be all over and around her man
    Did you pretend to come back or did you come back for real?
    Months after months I came back for you after a single question from family
    I was real and wanted a forever but you proved to be a dick
    And asked for my body or romances to refreshen my love in you, even though you still had feelings for me
    But you said you needed a motivation and a kick start from me to fight for what we had and want to build
    That wasn't my way of love, it seemed your love language changed while we were apart
    Or it was your way of telling me you indeed have moved on
    Or rather it was a silent message to me, you could only bitch me around
    I left and months passed by, this time around I came back strong
    We agreed to do the needful, I called and texted hoping to make things work
    You spoke to your mom or maybe you lied about that
    Fast-forward, you came to see me after a while
    And I swore I wouldn't have let go of your hands if you dared gave at that moment
    A month or so after i heard from a friend that you got married
    I remembered that was our issue, about your cousin whom your family wants you to marry
    Even though you hated the fact that they pressured
    Thank God I never said you shouldn't because it clearly seemed that you lied about a lot
    Things happened and yes I understood you were full of deceit
    You lied to make yourself look good, but who are you to deceive a heart?
    Till date, you still rant about marriage thinking you would fool who
    But I know not what to believe, a liar you are and will always be with stamp
    I myself was a cheat, I nagged and blackmailed emotionally
    Because I don't have lingering feelings anymore than I did when I left
    Its just the routine for me, but I have been over you for years, since the first time I left
    Was I wrong or were you wrong?
    Or rather who is the cheat between us two?
    Maybe we both are toxic in our own ways
    And had a toxic feeling for each other, maybe it has become a part of us
    And just maybe I wanted to be deceived by you
    Or you were a good planner who planned it well and executed with caution.
    But this question I have to ask, when will this all stop?
    When will we stop hurting us emotionally and mentally?
    When will we truly move on?
    When will this toxic trait stop?
    Wait! Were we even truly and wholeheartedly in love in the first place????
    ©light_ofthe_heart