A Far Cry Of A Person Who Wishes To Die
I locked the door. I lethargically slumped my body and my face against the covers of my bed. Tired.
What is this, does an anvil pushes me down? Or is it the weight of the world I carry? Suddenly, for reasons I cannot fathom, the dam, O, the dam broke. Tears flowed. I tried to search for answers, "Why?" But I get none. Man!
A song in the background played. Harmony, melody, pleasing? Couldn't care less. All I hear is my heart that's restless. I tried covering myself. I tried to cover my face, my nose, with this thick blanket, hoping I would stop breathing, hoping all this would end, but even this tiny thing... Won't it cooperate!?
For three whole days, I haven't got a proper sleep. Yet it feels like all day long I'm in the land of dreams.
I'm starting to lose myself. Now I impaled you with knives because of my words. I felt like a cat—cornered—so I tried to push you away, run away. Not enough, here's my claws, taste 'em! It's... It's scary, will you be the one that I lose next? NO!!!
Then maybe, maybe, to end this hellish nightmare, must I end myself?
It's peaceful now. But all I hear around me are sounds of weeping.
If... Just hypothetically, if...
If I experienced even a drizzle, a sprinkle of love, especially at my darkest, at my unkindest, would I have won this test?
If I tried to pray, and maybe the God above heard... If I tried to pray, would it still go this way?
If I had let this all out, and at least one person cared to have listened, would it have a better end?