Pay attention and you'll see how often you talk to avoid awkward silence.
Since when did silence become awkward and constant, pointless chit chat become normal?
Of course having meaningful conversation and even casual small talk have their own beauty and place in helping us bond and have a good time.
But notice this: there are people who you're only comfortable having small talk with. Then there's some closer people who you have deep conversations with. But it's only the closest few people to you that you're comfortable being silent with.
That's because through words, you can only share your past or thoughts/beliefs with someone. Through your silent presence, you share your Being.
As you consistently become silent in your mind, your entire being (including your behaviour and speech) will always be spontaneously sprouting out of silence. Like Rumi, who would walk and whirl as words would spontaneously come out of his mouth. Words that people around him would rush to capture and record as poetry that would touch hearts for hundreds of years to come.
That's the beauty of one who has dissolved himself into silent presence.
Pay attention to the fact that in each moment, your mind is commentating on everything.
You live in your own secret world, full of judgements of others and yourself. Full of analyzing, strategizing, and subconsciously protecting.
What exactly are you constantly protecting though? Nothing but an self-image. An identity that comes with a narrative of past and future, loss and gain, suffering, desire etc.
Free yourself from this identity and just be present. Root yourself in this empty presence and slowly your limited self-image will begin to fade, as you expand into a spontaneous, unpredictable, free presence.
I continue to work towards a career and fulfill the day to day tasks that come up. I notice worldly desires pop up every now and then and that's something that we all have to deal with daily.
But honestly, deep down all of that becomes secondary when you come to see that all of that is temporary. Even the greatest moment, the greatest worldly desire fulfilled, the greatest achievement, will pass and become only a memory.
And it becomes obvious that the only worthy desire is that which gives continual, lasting rewards. In other words, the lasting peace, wisdom and love that comes from the desire to know yourself and God.
That's not to say that you shouldn't aspire to do great things, absolutely you should follow what calls you and aim to do it as best as you can, but the issue is with attachment. When we are attached to our desires and make worldly desires our primary desire, our peace and joy become dependent on outcomes.
Pay attention to what you're really working towards and what it will ultimately bring you.
Everyone will come to the true deeper desire at their own pace. If deep down you feel a bit lost in life, that is the blessing in disguise that will guide you. A lot of people, especially your loved ones will dismiss this feeling and tell you to focus on your career/studies etc. Do not ignore this feeling.
You can only find your way when you are brave enough to acknowledge that you are lost. You can only find something when you start to look for it consciously.
Seek (with a genuine heart and persistence) and you shall find.
You are only alive when you truly accept death. in each moment. When you consciously let go of your attachment to your body, to outcomes, to your life. Because you remember in each moment, the most overlooked fact: Everything you can see, including your family, friends, achievements, and even your body and mind, will soon be gone. The greatest blessing in life is to be constantly reminded of this.
The second you say, "I've left the old me. Now I've found my true self" is the second you start believing in a new self-image. In other words, it's the second you start a new cycle of deceiving yourself.
We go on defining and redefining ourselves our entire life. putting on mask after mask. not realizing who/what exactly is trying on all these masks. not realizing who/what is playing these roles in this play of life.
Think about who you were 10 years ago. Really think back and picture the person you thought you were back then.
Now think back 5 years ago. When you laughed embarrassingly at the 'you' from 10 years ago. If I had asked you 5 years ago "who are you?" you would've said "I have grown a lot, and now I've found myself".
But look at how much you've changed now from 5 years ago. If I asked you now, you would say the same thing. That you were young and a bit foolish 5 years ago but now you've found yourself and that this is the real you.
The wise realize that self-images change, beliefs change, and personalities change--and so they drop these concepts completely. If you truly see this, if you know this, you will realize that what you are cannot possibly be defined by a personality.
There is no "real you" that you unlock when you improve yourself to the right degree of confidence, skills and personality traits. So I'll save you a lifetime of searching for, and trying to become this perfect self. It doesn't exist.
So then what is the truth of who/what you are? If not a personality, then what exactly are you? This becomes obvious as you empty yourself. Empty of any self-image, empty of beliefs, empty mind in each moment.
Be empty and observe, with this question silently in your heart, as you move thru each moment of life. If your search is true, you will find true inner peace.
Why is it that inspiration always comes at the most random times?
Like when you're sprinting 'cause you're hella late, or when you're hands are full of dish soap and you're scrubbing away...
I feel like it's a game the universe plays with you. Like yo, imma throw some incredible inspiration/creativity at you, but at the most random times. And you're gonna have about one second to capture it in some way before its gone, forever.
Oh and it's not just one thing, it's a wave that comes. Like a live speech that has already started, and I gotta bust out a typewriter to keep up with typing the words, while listening to the speech as it's happening.
That's pretty much how every poem/verse of mine happens. Or at least that's how it starts. Once I write down a chunk of it, sometimes I'll go back and be inspired to add more to it. That's exactly what happened with this little verse.
Never thought I'd quote lil Wayne in my poetry posts but here's some deep bars from the man: "Life is such a f*ckin' rollercoaster, then it drops. But what should I scream for? This is my theme park. My mind shines even when my thoughts seem dark."
There's going to be ups and downs in life but don't get too caught up in them. Let this temporary journey of life be what it is without trying so hard to control it all the time. When you trust Life and start to simply observe with a quiet + empty mind, you'll start to notice the peace and blessings that were here all along.
You simply had your attention elsewhere so you couldn't see. You were too focused on talking to your mind about every little up and down in your life. Too busy trying to mitigate risks, analyzing, predicting, complaining, wanting more, etc. Too busy in your mind to see the peace and blessings that have always been right here with you.