A Letter To A Friend
Well Queen, try 43 yrs and counting. The tricky part about healing one's self is this, the ppl, and the world carries on. And some ppl get worse and so do the times.
Saying this, about 2 months ago I was on track to begin cutting at all these painful appendages. But I stopped and i thought to myself, I used to be 100% one of the careless self centered heartless fucks. Then at 30 I found some sort of love that made me start changing my own selfmade and embedded perception of life and people. And what I cared about, or didn't. It took me from rejecting all positives and everyone. My own life didnt mean shit to me. If death was here or around, bring it let it come. Then i looked at my son Jeremiah and my daughter Bear, and got a surge through me to believe i could be more than i came from. Or what I've done. And I started to walk slowly, but towards them. And I started to see love. I started to want more of it, and I knew that I was finally giving pleasure and building something up of substance. That was real. Because I could feel it and touch. It made me release a lot of the pain and damage I had done in my life to others indirectly or directly, Big or small. I felt the monster I was forced to become to survive alone in the slums of Oakland, California, as a child. 7 yrs of age, born 1977, means i was raised and a victim of " crack epidemic" and the backend of the pinnacle Sir Mack Era, heavy lace with the teachings of pimping and the arts of prostitution. A womanizing generation. SEX AND DRUGS. All 80's to the mid 90's. It was pure corruption. Money was easy to make, and the games in the streets, was being pass down, like family heirlooms, from Father's and Mother's, with legendary streets name's, given because they supplied the neighborhood, or slanged that pussy good, Or for walking people down, meaning, reckless and unhesitant to do violence, with no talk, shed blood,
Now stop, look at this world that surrounds us. Shit, where i come from, and what I've allow myself to settle into, and all I've let plunge so deep into me to makee numb, its good for these days and times, wny would i want to make myself feel or vulnerable to the shit, obviously I'll meet it, or it'll some how be a bump, but i feel this is no time to encounter humble, let my guard down, or play monk, watch yourself, you might make yourself my unaware and more vulnerable trying to heal in time that people just don't give a fuck.... GB