There was a time in my life, when colour seemed hopeless...and my nighttime was spent in tears. There was a time, when even the smallest word of a song, held a truckload of meaning. The tiniest thing held plenty of meaning.
I would re-read our messages and arguments, and then cry over them. And then there were times when a tired and wistful smile would stretch on my dry lips, holding on to those distant memories of us. In that time, wine seemed like water and blood didn't scare me anymore. I became friends with my Nightmares. Laughter came out in dry coughs, and tears rolled down unconsciously. There was a time, when I remember myself waiting for his one text, and his normal flirting would make me smile and happy. Those day long arguments and chats, those small secrets, those signs and annoying texts. Those teasing messages, but now they are only memories. Memories which are dear to me. But….I have forgotten how to feel, I'm now only left with our every chat memorised and floating in my memory. Stuck in it, frozen in Time. In that time, day and night passed, and I just existed. I didn't live. And that's life, after the heartbreak. I used to wonder if I even invaded his mind, cause he was stuck in mine…. I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever love again or if I will ever be loved and cherished by someone or not…. Or if I'll ever find myself again. But one thing I knew, I wanted him happy, no matter what. And I wanted to find myself again.
Think about it, he made the right choice by choosing her over me. Cause apparently, he had loved her since he was 12. And I'm not even close to him, like... physically close. I can never be with him, or comfort him. But she will be able to. So, she's right for him. And also, he knows her since they were kids, as for me? He knows me only for….hardly 3 or 4 months. How can I even think that I'll be able to take the place of his childhood love? That's very selfish of me!
But you know what? I'm selfish, very selfish and jealous. I can't stand to share the people that I love….but I guess, he taught me that… You won't always get what you want. Yes, he hurt me. Very much so… But, he taught me as well. And if by any chance, I become a great writer. Let me confess right now, all my love interests and friends, will definitely be the reason behind my success. Because it's all their lessons, talks and values, that taught me everything that I've learned about people. All my experiences, feelings, emotions, etc. Will be the reason why my characters will be realistic. And I won't trade a single experience, day or lesson in my life. Cause it's my treasure, and it's mine to keep.