#selfloathing

27 posts
  • shreyamk812 9w

    In my case
    I am lacking love,
    Abundant In loathing.
    My kind of person
    Find good
    In the morning light
    In the evening shimmer
    And the stary night.
    My kind of person
    Loves to love
    And my kind of person
    Don't expect in return.


    ©shreyamk812

  • mrponderous 34w

    We could run away
    I don't even care
    Where we go
    Just far away
    From here
    I'll come with you.

    ©mrponderous

  • shreyakheal 51w

    CRYING IN THE FEAR OF LOSING SOMEBODY
    EVEN IF YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF ALREADY.

    Such a shame
    Don't worry
    I have done the same.

    Relentlessly trying
    To put others
    Before me.
    Thinking they might think about me
    During the best times and not only in the dark times.
    Maybe that's a lot to ask
    Maybe there's nothing to say.

    I am not fine
    And I may never be.
    Forgetting and re-doing
    The same mistake
    Has now become my go to game.

    Silly me
    I sometimes feel
    Why I didn't hold on to me
    When I needed me.
    I gave myself to others
    And now I don't expect
    The others to offer me.


    #impostersyndrome
    #selfloathing
    #fakingsmile
    #fakekindness

    Am I fake?
    The good things that I have, do I deserve them?
    Am I worthy?

    These questions I have been asking from myself and I may never stop asking.

    Read More

    THOUGHTS

    ©thepastelink

  • stevenseidel 53w

    Freak

    Take my time
    Get it right
    Make it neat
    Burn it
    To something bleak
    Feel a failure and a freak
    Never should I have ventured
    Into this endeavour
    Wish to be the hangman to pull my own lever
    No these words aren't clever
    Part of me knows better
    Writing final words in a letter
    Hanging from a tether
    This seems better
    Fetter

    ©stevenseidel

  • reemee 64w

    Every minor mistake I make seems to be a portrayal of something fundamentally wrong with me.
    ©reemee

  • callingcrows 94w

    Sugar And Honey.

    Up and down
    You're such
    A fucking loser
    Get up, you're so down
    Emotions are a bruiser

    I'm so sick and tired of doing this everyday
    I'm starting to stumble, fall and lose my way
    Fill yourself with sugar, and honey 'till you burst
    Keep it up, girl, until nothing ever hurts

    They can't call it suicide if I just eat until I die
    It's not even good anymore, but it's better than when I cry
    Until then, I'm in the pity pool, and here I will lie
    Thinking about life and screaming, asking why, oh why

    Up and down
    You're such
    An awful person
    Won't get up, If I stay down,
    Will I be worse, then?

    I'm so sick and tired of doing this all the time
    I'm so sick and tired, of this emotional crime
    This voice inside me is anything but sublime
    So I throw up my anger with yet another rhyme.

    June 1, 2019.

    ©callingcrows

  • bemeekle 131w

    Me

    I hate how I look,
    How I feel,
    How I am.
    I don't hate myself.
    I just hate everything about me.
    ©bemeekle

  • thewordofgabriel 144w

    Coping

    At times I look at love like the answer to all
    Other times, I couldn't care less for any involved
    The heart that she gives me, while asking for time
    Wastes away in my wake, crumbling in front of my eyes

    The broken, mangled, self-esteem that you bring
    Falls away when I enter, and you start to sing
    I want you for a moment to truly feel me
    But afterwards, I can't stay, please don't touch me

    Because I'm here to use you, and for you to use me
    Can't complicate things with what love would mean
    Planning of parties, kids, and our future in life
    We don't need all that motion, all we need is tonight

    That's why I call you once every few weeks
    Pretending I'm busy, without warning, always suddenly
    So baby don't question, just accept or take flight
    Another broken winged Raven, flying out of my life

    But not without first letting me touch her wings
    Her feathers, much like her perfume, cover all of my things
    Memories fading with scents from pillows and bed sheets
    Only replay in my mind, melodies when the bed squeeks

    The music from cellphone playlists, soul snatching songs
    Naked bodied, heavy breathing, rhythmic all along
    The time between knowing you, to the time you're undressed
    Keep me floating for a moment, till I reembark on my quest

    Journey of a fool, emotionally repressed
    Laughing, smiling and cumming into a void, depressed
    Our tattoos read like joint stories between bodies carressed
    Stitched together, from minutes to hours, broken at my request

    At times I look at love like the answer to all
    Other times, I couldn't care less for any involved
    The heart that she lends me, while borrowing time
    Wastes away each day, tears stream from my eyes
    ©thewordsifeel

  • byjsanker 145w

    The only way two people can move forward is to wake up and decide, together, that they are going to let go of all the things they didn't do right, and all the guilt, shame, and self loathing that came with it. Forgive all the negative and hurtful things that have been said and done. But that doesn't mean forget them, use them, learn from them...grow, together. With each other and for each other. Wake up and decide, together, to focus on the love you have and everything you know you can become. Be less concerned with the fear of what could go wrong, and hold on to the joy of knowing all that could go right. The past does not have to dictate the future, so long as you wake up and decide together to be better because you understand that you both deserve it.
    ©byjsanker

  • jadajennings 153w

    WITHERED ROSE

    intuitively
    when you have been starved
    emotionally devoid by someone,
    invariably
    rebuffed, rejected, ridiculed
    and you feel numb all of the time,
    instinctively
    your body follows through
    with a hunger strike of its own,
    inevitably
    an unfathomable depth buries
    how to live/love undernourished.
    ©jadajennings

  • missgorefan 153w

    UNTITLED #6

    I'm broken down, an old car.
    Worn out leather, dents, deep scratches.
    Wrecked. Useless and discarded.
    My only memories are my nightmares.
    My name cursed over and again.
    Torn apart at ten years old.
    I'd slip away into chaos.
    My body battered and bruised.
    Scars on top of scars.
    I'd be lying if I said I accept them.
    My heart was broken and I willed it gone.
    I begged for it to cease it's function.
    I prayed for nothingness, numbness.
    Nights in my home were pain.
    I detach myself from that little girl.
    I pretend she's dead.
    I have to
    ©missgorefan

  • missgorefan 153w

    Scars

    My name will be upon their lips,
    For eternity.
    All I lost to empty promises and
    To lies.
    The only scars worth hiding and
    I own them.
    Foolishly believing in them,
    Accepting it.
    I can't even hate myself correctly.
    ©missgorefan

  • drownedsorrows 165w

    I see the way you look at me, when you can stand to look at me at all.
    It's obvious that I disgust you and that you want me to suffer the way I've made you suffer.
    You are as ugly on the inside as you are on the outside.
    It's no secret that you've wanted to see me dead for years and believe me, the feeling is mutual.
    We've done nothing but bring each other pain, misery, and anguish since we first laid eyes on each other.
    You've told me nothing but lies my whole life, and cost me friendships, relationships, and my own sanity.
    I feel strange saying all this to you through the mirror,
    but the mirror doesn't lie.
    Or does it?
    ~D.H.~

  • silkheart 168w

    Self Loathing

    I hate myself for ever believing in you. I blindly trusted you.
    I hate myself for ever falling in love with you. I ignored the warnings and I chose to follow my heart.
    I hate myself for giving you parts of me that I never shared with anyone else. I willingly gave them to you.
    I hate myself for losing my light to someone as dark as you.
    I hate all of me because of every part of you.

  • mkp_08 169w

    Introspection

    If you're being deceived
    Time and again,
    If your trust is being
    Broken time and again,
    If you constantly feel
    Insecure,
    If you always harbor a
    Doubt in your psyche;
    It's about time you took
    Some action.
    It's about time you
    Introspected
    Coz it might be your fault,
    Your flaw and your are the
    One to blame,
    That you face this every
    Single time.
    ©mkp_08

  • carmen_g 181w

    You’ve been feeling all kinds of nothings and somethings lately
    Emotions are never all that consistent with you
    Because when things get too much,
    You switch off the lights in your heart
    And go home for the night
    Sink into a comfy armchair
    Let the television fill you with
    White noise nonsense
    You don’t want to hear it
    You don’t want to answer the barrage of questions your soul desperately asks when you come back home
    Your soul is begging you
    You are begging you
    “How was your day?”
    You don’t answer her. The fleecy blanket covering your lap feels too soft, much too soft. The comfort is unbearable.
    “Was it better than yesterday?” Your soul reaches out for your hand
    You don’t answer and you don’t reach back
    You can’t
    “Can you turn off the TV? Please, baby, just talk to me.”
    You finally answer
    “It’s been a long 21 years sweetie. I have a headache. I am going to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow night, okay?”
    You never do.
    You fucking lying coward
    You never fucking do.
    As you get up, your soul grabs you gently but firmly by the wrist
    “No.” She says
    “Don’t brush me off like you usually do. Just talk to me. Please.”
    Your defensive, frightened rage takes over . You tell her “Let go.”
    “No.”
    She won’t give in.
    You become angry. “You will do as I say.”
    You grab her by the back of the neck, she doesn’t even cry out. She knows this pain.
    “You’re hurting me, my love.” Her eyes fill with defiance and unshed tears.
    She will not cry. You know she will not cry.
    You hate her all the more for it.
    She reaches out, touches your face so tenderly, so lovingly
    “My love, why do you hurt me?”
    The words hit you harder than any blow you could have administered.
    Why are you hurting her? Why are you trying to break your soul?
    You release your grip on her neck and take her hands gently into yours, turning them over, your fingers trailing over her soft skin, “Because of this.” You whisper “because you will not break. No matter how much pain you endure, you won’t hate me. You won’t hate anyone.” Your voice grows hard, “and i want to hate! I want to be cold, unfeeling AND YOU WON’T FUCKING LET ME AND IT HURTS”
    Tears streaming down your face, you sink to your knees before her, shoulders quivering as you weep your hot, angry tears, “i want you gone. It’s your fault, it’s all your fault. You are the thing that makes me feel and I HATE YOU.”
    You raise your head and look her in the eye, the words venomous on your lips, “I hate you.”
    She crouches next to you, and wraps her arms around your shaking body.
    “My love...I am you.”


    ©carmen_g

  • luci_the_bleeding_poet 184w

    The Cruelest of Critics

    Your words are cruel, venomous hate
    To point out my flaws, you just can't wait
    Every defect I have and mistake I've made
    You use to cut me with like a blade
    I'm never enough, I fail you all of the time
    The smallest of sins becomes the worst crime
    You can't bear the sight of me, I make you sick
    Just the thought of me angers you, enraged so quick
    I try to do better and I try to do right
    But you berate my mind every day and night
    I am ugly, I am fat, I am a failure at life
    I only bring you down and fill you with strife
    Your hatred of me screams out of your eyes
    With every insult you hurl, a part of me dies
    I cannot escape your words nor your spite
    You are always right there ready to pick a fight
    The pain that it causes is killing me slow
    I wish with my life I could make you go
    But how does one stop feelings like these
    When the one hurling insult nobody sees
    The voice ire-filled as it tears my soul down
    Is from the man in the mirror. My face is wearing his frown
    I can't look for long, his hatred seeps out
    Filling my head and heart with poisonous doubt
    For nothing on earth nor anywhere we go
    Can be as destructive as our own ruthless ego
    ©luciferdemonknight

  • maliciouslybrutal 185w

    When you found me, i lost my mind

    My heart breaks with every glance you make
    That feeling of heaviness i cannot even shake
    When i felt the burning sense of betrayal i tried so hard to never break
    This nightmare of your lust of greed is a nightmare i cant wake
    My heart was pure, my soul was fragile, my mind was all i had left. So now i can only break
    Give me back my pride, i was never yours to take
    ©maliciouslybrutal

  • mooniverse 189w

    I looked at people with a grimacing look as my mind was sheltered in the canopy of envy, which coaxed my sanity to slowly ebb, and replaced it with obdurating self loathing.

    ©enigmatic_writer

  • free_in_favored_fantasy 191w

    The Drain of Fatigue

    When did I start to find solace
    in the bind of physical pain?
    When the mental wars became too much
    and most smiles came cracked and feigned.

    ©free_in_favored_fantasy