She lay still on her bed staring blankly at the ceiling, arms spread by her side. Countless thoughts hit her one by one, flashes of certain familiar places, certain familiar people flashed before her eyes - places she visited, places she wanted to visit, people she loved, people she wished to forget. As all those visualisations attacked her like racing bullets, she felt dizzy. Or was it something else that made her feel that way?
Feel. Why do we feel some things with such intensity that we get drowned in them? Why can't we go numb? Shut down our overflowing emotions and never feel a thing? Wouldn't that have been better?
Her mind raced faster than her heart, contemplating everything under the sun. Where did she go wrong? What did she do to deserve this? Was it all her fault? Or was it them? She didn't know. But at that very moment she realised that blaming herself was the easiest option. Isn't it? There's a certain tragic satisfaction in finding faults within ourselves. We all do it. And she did the same.
Suddenly a surge of pain made her squint her eyes which was followed by a heavy sigh. Enough. It was too much of an exhaustion to bear. They tell you to keep fighting, keep going on and on and on. But they never tell you for how long? For how long can our bruised legs take us forward? For how long can we crawl onward to get our from the mess till our body gives away? For how long do we tell ourselves to keep in breathing when every inch of our shattered body accompanied by the brutal agony urges our soul to escape? How long? They don't tell us. Because, they don't know it themselves.
But, she was giving up. She was giving in. A tear trickled down from the corner of her eye. But what's new in that right? Everyone cries - some in front of everyone, some alone, while others cry and bleed inside. However, on that fateful day, something else trickled that was not colourless like her tears, it was a bright scarlet. It oozed out from her left wrist flowing straight through her palms passing between her fingers into the white-tiled floor, creating a pool of water- a pool of scarlet red coloured water.