Just like that, I fell in love with sadness
One morning when I woke up, I suddenly felt so bad about myself, and then wondered why I had to wake up, why did I wake up? I searched for my own reasons for that, but perhaps that uncertainty took hold of me. I just laid on the bed and left everything behind. From that day on, I went through more slumps, I missed school more often, I felt more exhausted and more useless. I tried to do the things I used to enjoy, but it didn't get any better. I lost my appetite, most of the time I just wanted to sleep, I spent more time in bed just thinking about everything.
Then I decided to stop going to school and instead tried to find a job with the hope that changing the environment would help improve my situation. Later I found a job and went to work, but my mental health just got even worse. I gave up after just one week, I couldn't find any reasons to get up. My mind screamed, but my will was too weak compared to the hesitation that reigned within me. Once again, I gave in. I gave myself a vacation. I went to places I haven't been and wanted to go. But after each trip, when people thought about memories they made, all I could think was loneliness. Because I was alone wallowing in negative thoughts, feeling helpless since I was fully aware of this but couldn't find a way out.
People think that smiling will help you forget all the sadness, but when they fall in love with sadness, people tend not to want to be close to anyone, and when they have a smile on their face, there are tears behind those smiles. Because I always have the thought that if I get close to other people, they will be disappointed when they finally know the truth about me. I can smile, can attend all the parties, but at the end of the day, darkness still consumes me. I don't want to hear any comforting words because I'm self-aware of that. I just need someone who will genuinely listen to me. But where can I find that person?
If you can, please try to listen to others and be more understanding. You have no ideas that just by offering a hand and lending an ear, many souls can be saved.