#relapse

158 posts
  • roseanna 10w

    Anna Come Back

    Mold Anna
I am Anna
But Anna feels so far away right now
Anna hasn't been to her core in a very long time
Anna doesn't even know who she is
And maybe because she has caked on so many different things
But to peel them off feels empty
Boring
But when Anna can breathe, she is then free
And secure
And satisfied
 

  • roseanna 10w

    It’s painful to explain why I relapse, but this was the best way I could explain. #addiction #relapse #addict #cocaine #drugs #drug #abuse #recovery #aa #coke #thoughts #rehab

    Read More

    loss

    cocaine,
I have given you
    everything in me
    to keep you
    everything
    I spend my time searching for
    pieces of you
    the tiniest amount
    just to feel the loss of you
    a little less

  • roseanna 10w

    Hidden

    My love
It’s not your fault you don’t know
    Or see,
You see
This drug has a mind of its own
    Making my mind
    Weak

  • roseanna 10w

    It’s painful to explain why I relapse, but this was the best way I could explain. #addiction #relapse #addict #cocaine #drugs #drug #abuse #recovery #aa #coke #thoughts #rehab

    Read More

    Lost on Cocaine Highway

    I don't know how to tell you that Izzy has came back, my dear
    She whispers things in my ear
    Tells me she's so sorry I'm in pain,
    And reminds me of those beautiful times, we kissed in the rain
    She looks me in the eyes, and tells me she just wanted to see me again
    Take me on a ride to get away for a moment, just like old times
    But the old times to reminisce on are never truly that far away
    But time away with her feels so much longer, so I try not to focus on her
    To keep the longing at bay
     
    No matter how long our times been away,
    She insists again, again, again
    But the screams aren't in anger
    They are in a rush of pleasure
    Of the thought of us together
     
    She makes things so exciting, my dear
    She comes to me frazzled, excitement never lessened,
    Boasting about the world, and all the joys that are near
    There are new peaks to reach, she says
    A better feeling to feel,
    We get in the car, and step away from the fear
    I tell her a short drive, remembering her lack of care
    But I trust her way of knowing the perfect way
    And we start driving so fast
    That I can't remember where we even started
    Going so fast, I am forced into the moment
    Holding on to that moment
     
    We speed through the lanes,
    The world is moving so fast,
    I look around to see beauty,
    Colors, faces, nature,
    The beauty of the world will last
    But I'm amazed at how everything I see as beautiful,
    Also quickly moves past
     
    Izzy asks you why I'm so depressed
    I look at her and tell her my life has darkness
    That I can't surpass
    A life of confusion and wistfulness,
    That is only escaped at home by sleep
    Or a slow paced walk, to calm my head
    Can we not think about it right now
    And stay in this moment
    That gives me a glimpse
    out of my mental torment
     
    Izzy starts to sing
    A loud beautiful song, meant only for me
    Making me feel so special, she kisses my cheek
    And tells me there's no reason to weep
    For she is there, with me, and will show me all the beauty to this life
    Going so fast, feeling so happy,
    Hearing her sing, and watching life go past,
    Makes my heart skip a beat
     
    The police pass, and I realize they aren't watching
    Us go flying through the road,
    Everlasting
    No paranoia
    The rush is incredible, every cell letting go
    No sad thoughts anymore, I am never alone
     
    We drive so far
    That I don't know where to go
    But I do know, we need to get on the road
    That will lead us to go home
    My eyes are tired, my head is spinning
    I'm getting frustrated I don't see an exit 
    No wonder I feel burning
    In my chest, anger boiling
    Izzy keeps trying to comfort me, but nothing is working
     
    Izzy understands, and tells me she understands I have to go home
    I ask her what way, and she tells me to listen to the sound
    of my own intuition
    She reminds me I know God is near, 
    And he knows the way, off the highway
    So I can get home and pray
     
    As i start to pray, there's a deer in the way
    In the middle of the road, calm as could be,
    I'm trying to get home, can you just let me be
    A sudden slam on the breaks
    And know this is part of God showing me the way
    All at once I am still
    And Izzy looks at me confused
    I hate that we are still, 
    But will sit there until, the deer goes away
    And I feel the movement of no choice go away
     
    Izzy tries to leave the car
    But I can't stand to watch her go
    How can she leave me here all alone
    When my head is still
    Stuck in its own loop
    But doesn't want to stop the thrill

    I sit their nauseous, and think about going home alone
     reality starts to hit
    And maybe she's right,
    These are the moments I can't quit
    I look at the deer, and see it's simple life
    But I can't escape my own head, 
    And will never be that type

    I shouldn’t have let Izzy
    Get me to cave in
    Every ride with Izzy
    Leaves a hole in my heart
    Making it a little harder
    To say that final goodbye

    I should have learned
    The ride is too much

  • jereme_palos 58w

    AA comedy .

    A miniature bar resides within the household .

    I ( Jereme ) eat my meals in front of that miniature bar .

    I ( Jereme ) stare at the miniature bar and use reverse psychology on myself .

    I ( Jereme ) stare at the alcohol and refresh my memory of sobriety .

    That alcohol makes me sober because I ( Jereme ) am not consuming that alcohol .

    I ( Jereme ) can and do enjoy tasting sobriety .

    When I ( Jereme ) see alcohol , I ( Jereme ) can say to myself…

    That alcohol guided me toward sobriety , because I ( Jereme ) am not consuming that alcohol .

    Psychology , reverse psychology and productive psychology in relation
    to that alcohol .

    The alcohol directs a viewer toward personal sobriety .


    AA Comedy .

    When I ( Jereme ) see people smoking and drinking…
    I ( Jereme ) think to myself…

    They are relapsing .

    They are relapsing , whether they understand that or not .

    They are relapsing , whether they were guided and counseled with AA or not .

  • sidharthsuraj 67w

    Vacuous Love

    She still crawls in my dreams,
    I still see her in my shallow vision.
    Her voice rings inside me,
    her arguments and augments
    are not real anymore to me.
    Yet that familiar stench of animosity
    lurks in my memories of yesterday.
    Though the blood seized to drip,
    yet that healed wound left a scar today.
    She was the malign I sold my love for.
    Yet left again with my solitude and desires,
    my confinements and denials.

    ©__payn

  • pri_rag 75w

    I THINK I'VE LOST MY MIND

    I can't sleep, if I do,
    I can't wake up, if I do,
    I can't eat, if I do,
    I just want to throw up.
    I can't breathe, if I do,
    I can't sleep, if I do,
    I can't think, if I do,
    I just want to die.
    ©pri_rag

  • pri_rag 81w

    A letter from my blade, to my lover

    Dear,
    I think it's time you let her go. You see she has been mine long before she has been yours. It's going to hurt you more when I steal her away from you. It's not going to be that hard. You think that those stolen sights are just between the both of you! Don't make me laugh, stolen glances, lingering touches, longing hours are not limited to you. See, I have spent hours with her getting to know each part of her in deatail. I know what gives her the feeling she needs. You care, I won't deny it, but are you willing to give her what she needs? You think that you are the first person she has felt safe with, you think that you have saved her from me, more so herself, you think you can keep her safe? Don't fool yourself. I think it's time you give her back to me. I know how to take care of her, no don't need to fix her, she looks better broken anyway.
    Love,
    Hers.
    ©priyanka_raghu

  • kumnariki 87w

    Sneaky

    Light steps creeping in
    Crawling her way back
    Seductively whispers
    "I've never been out"
    I remember the voice
    I remember the face

    Pink lips, pale skin
    Warm touch
    She's dancing
    And I want to dance
    but it's a high fall
    She's flying
    And I'd love to fly
    but it's a free fall

    She's getting closer
    And I can see now
    the shakes
    the hurt
    the flames

    I back away in fear
    I musn't forget
    She's always near
    And her touch...
    It still burns
    ©kumnariki

  • mikayla_lynne 87w

    Apart

    Apart. Picking myself apart. Pinch by pinch scratch by scratch. I pull apart my flesh until nothing stands but bones.
    ©mikayla_lynne

  • ecf_poetry 93w

    You have always been
    An ornately decorated
    Anvil
    Hanging from my neck.
    And even when I've
    Cast you off
    I still wake up gasping,
    Water in my lungs
    And you dragging me slowly,
    Beneath the surface.

    ©ecf_poetry

  • sreeramvan 93w

    Relapse is real, and the thought can scare one.. But fighting to stay strong is the best we can do to move forward.. #relapse @mirakee @writersnetwork

    Read More

    Scared,
    Of going back to the days,
    Of the horrors,
    Living inside the head..

    Ashamed,
    That a mere scene,
    Can cause a damage
    Of pulling me back...

    Fight,
    That is put up,
    Against every thought,
    To stay in the dark..

    Holding on,
    To the sanity left,
    Every ounce of energy,
    Utilized to stay awake,
    Away from what was..

    To be able to,
    Look forward,
    Hoping for,
    What can be,
    Of the sunshine,
    As cliche as can be,
    To stay away from the darkness..
    ©sreeramvan

  • sadboihours 97w

    relapse

    not caused by a breakdown
    this time by so much more
    fidgeting with the blade
    what are you waiting for?
    one, two, three
    speckles of blood turn to streams
    down my thighs and arms
    full of childish dreams
    "just remember you deserve this
    you need it too
    because everything's ruined
    and it all leads back to you"
    ©sadboihours

  • nleroy8 105w

    I am an animal, hearing the bell
    I get shy when you scream and yell.

    #love #relapse #pang #animal #skin #heart #mirakee @writersnetwork

    Read More

    Recidivist

    A punch in the arm is
    Not the same, as one in the neck
    A flick on the face, does not
    Damage as one in the eye
    Squeezing my thigh so tight
    Then my heart pops in the night
    Rubbing my skin so deep
    Also me, the wrong way
    I have these thoughts when
    I sleep.

    Yin and yang
    Sinful criminal
    Recidivist causing pang
    Yet, I am the one relapsing
    I am an animal, hearing the bell
    I get shy when you scream and yell.
    I take your lies and blows
    Hoping I lose my collar
    So I stop falling so far and
    I would rather get hit by a car
    Than go back.

    ©nleroy8

  • m_a_rivers_poetry 108w

    [ gone by the night's calling ]

    Ive said too many goodbyes this week,
    please don't make me
    bid adieu to whatever is left of my sanity
    and let me sink into the memories
    of my mattress when the night grows old
    and the room is slowly starting to flood
    with the whispers of my doubt.

    I've been five days clean,
    so please don't make me come home
    and find the silver glimmer
    that brings me comfort
    in the dead silence
    where cryptids and shadow men roam.

    I ask that you find my soul
    where dead men hang themselves to dry
    and where witches burn at the stake.

    If you can't find me
    then maybe I'm already
    too far gone
    to be found.

    ©m.a.rivers_poetry

  • redriot887 113w

    Past

    The past is the past
    You can't change the past
    No matter how hard you try
    The only thing you can change is the future

    And try to change it to shape the past in a better way.
    ©x_on_the_calendar

  • redriot887 113w

    You Deserve Better

    Why do you love me?
    There is nothing special about me
    I've got discolored hair
    Terrible looking eyes
    A messed up face.

    What do you see in me?
    Why do you love me?
    You deserve someone better.

    You are perfect.
    Your personality is amazing
    You are extremely hilarious
    You are the light at the end of my dark tunnel.

    Why are you so perfect?
    Why do you love me?
    What do you see in me?
    Why?
    You deserve better.

    I'm not worth it
    I'm not worth it
    I'm not worth it

    Go love someone else who is as perfect as you.
    You are too much for me
    I don't deserve this
    You deserve better

    Why am I so in love with you?
    I know you can do better
    I hate myself for this
    I hate myself for being in love with you
    Why do you love me?

    W h y  ?
    ©x_on_the_calender

  • jphilip 118w

    Relapse

    Shade of pain,
    That stayed away,
    Found a way,
    To bring me back to where,
    I was left estranged
    ©jphilip

  • zaan74 122w

    All my addictions
    Breathed.
    Clawed my flesh,
    Seethed.
    I was the one that lost
    Even when I didn't play it.
    Just one more, it wouldn't hurt,
    Would it?

    Farah Naaz

  • expresso 124w

    Relapse

    It's just the built up frustration, anger and sadness you will hardly see,
    I hate the person that I am beginning to be
    The one that wears a plastic smile outdoors,
    But in reality, is hurting to the core,
    The one that shuts out the world but expects them to figure her out,
    The one where all that's trapped in her mind is anger and doubt.

    Slowly creeping in are the demons I thought I had defeated,
    Slowly slipping out is the encouragement I needed
    It's getting  bad again and I will admit I am extremely afraid,
    The thoughts are getting darker and I must say I am ashamed,
    Ashamed at the fact that I couldn't have been strong anymore,
    Look at the devil....shutting in my face every positive door,
    Opening instead a door that looks promising.

    I need to resist for its the one that will cause me pain:
    But I won't feel it once in that coffin I'm lain.

    © eXpresso