#recovery

1157 posts
  • in_fragments 1w

    "I am more than the things that I eat,
    I am more than the number on my scale-
    I am not giving up control
    by feeding my body what it needs.
    I am gaining it.

    I am not a failure
    for eating anything,
    because my existence on this earth
    is so much more than calorie counting,
    more than good or bad foods to avoid,
    more than obsessively
    checking my body in mirrors,
    more than starving to obtain beauty
    that no one else will ever see,
    because I will collapse if I walk
    a block out from my door.
    It is more than skipping meals
    and staying under a certain amount,
    living with this sick kind of "budget"
    that only pertains to me,
    destroying my body to look attractive
    for no one in particular,
    not even for myself.
    Food is not food anymore.
    It is only numbers, numbers that I
    can't afford to consume. But I want to.

    There is more to life than this disease.
    I want to see it all.

    I am more than the things that I eat,
    I am more than the number on my scale,
    more than losing friends
    and refusing food
    to keep some arbitrary self-control,
    more than a body for excessive exercise.
    I will not remain a slave to it.
    I am here to be more
    than simply "beautiful,"
    more than merely "thin."
    I am here to experience passion,
    develop hobbies and ideas,
    build up communities and contribute
    with love and creativity-
    my values, my influences,
    the things I leave behind
    that don't reflect my size at all.

    Truthfully, out of my element
    to be anything else-
    I have lived in dark tunnel vision
    for so long, that I've lost count
    of all the things I used to have,
    all the things I let fall away from me
    in the name of allowing anorexia
    to beat me.

    Every single day is a battle,
    a neverending fight
    to reclaim my body and mind,
    to make myself stronger
    than I thought was possible yesterday.
    Sometimes I am going to lose,
    sometimes the eating is too hard to do.
    Most of the time there is suffering-
    remission, relapsing, weeping, repeating.

    It's a long way to claw out
    of the hole I created myself,
    but I must remember what matters most-
    health, compassion, support,
    and acceptance of self.
    I must constantly challenge
    the lies my disorder hisses at me.
    I am more than the skin and bones
    it reduces me to. It does not matter
    if my collarbones hold water,
    it does not matter
    that my body looks so fragile
    it might break in half if you hold me,
    or if every finger wraps fully
    around my wrist.
    I have to remember
    that I do not really want these things.
    I am more than a body,
    even as the sickness takes over my mind.

    I am more than a body. I am fire.
    I am here to be a flame,
    to set the world ablaze,
    become a torrid catalyst for change-
    even if it's only in
    a single person's thoughts.

    We are here to be more than
    agreeable bodies.
    We are all here to live,
    not to become beautiful corpses.

    There is more to life than
    what this disorder says. You are a flame,
    and you need a lot of energy
    to remain bright and burning
    through stress and hardship,
    to stay the same person
    they all fell in love with,
    to become someone you'll
    fall deeply in love with as well.

    You've become a shell
    of who you used to be.
    Give yourself the gift of strength today,
    the nutrition to move forward;
    even if it's just a bite,
    even if it's just a step,
    your body is going to thank you
    for loving it enough to feed it
    in spite of the mental anguish and pain.
    Life is more than this disease,
    and the sickest among us know
    that alas, the only way out of it
    is through."
    ©in_fragments

    ~~~~
    I ate two of my fear foods yesterday, a veggie burger and fries and I thought I was gonna die but I didn't, and neither will you. ������
    #pod #poem #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #selfcare #healing #recovery #thoughts #therapy @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    More Than a Body

    I am more than a body. I am fire.
    I am here to be a flame,
    to set the world ablaze,
    become a torrid catalyst for change...
    ©in_fragments

  • supasesh 2w

    I met this girl when I was basically restarting my whole life, I had gotten out of a terrible long 6 yelationship, I was a measly 3 weeks sober from drugs and alcohol, felt like shit, looked like shit, and somehow she still wanted soemthing to do with me. A year and a couple months, still sober, looking better, feeling better and still have this bad ass bitch by my side ♥️
    #love #recovery #life

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    I threw up while on our first date

    I'm feeling toxic, baby come lick lead,
    If I knew, Id tell you the secret to getting ahead,
    But I would never read it to myself,
    If someone plays paradise, someone else gotta play hell
    And when we die, I hope you go first so you don't have to be all by yourself.

    I'll always endure, I'm fill with poison but baby you're way to fucking pure
    And now I'm stuck because I'm pretty sure you're the cure.

    But you're as stubborn as me, that's why you're still in my life,
    I can't remember yesterday, and I can't predict tomorrow, but I know one day you'll be my wife
    ©supasesh

  • in_fragments 2w

    To the smug and self-satisfied adult I once thought I had to be:
    They're just stuffed animals ��‍♀️ There's no reason to get bothered when you see adults happily owning them! If you need to have- or not have- something just to "feel" like a "real adult", then you aren't a real adult yet. Even if you're 65. So no matter how old you are, no matter how long it's been, it's never too late to grow up and buy a plushie!! ����
    #pod #poem #cat #lamb #animals #thoughts #therapy #trauma #childhood #mentalhealth #mentalillness #selfcare #recovery @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    Ode to Stuffed Animals

    An ode to a childhood friend;
    stuffed kitty, pearly white and fluffy,
    with hazel beads for irises
    and a pink nose that fell off long ago-
    on account of decades in my arms
    and decades spinning around
    inside the washing machine,
    removing my tears and drool
    and snot and vomit
    from the surface of his fur-
    unlike a fickle and combative human,
    who will push every struggle under the rug,
    he never seemed to mind at all.
    He was my knight, protecting me
    from anything, carrying me
    through everything, pushing
    to keep me safe and warm every night.
    I lost him once when I was young,
    in an experience I don't remember-
    but when I found him soon after
    in my mother's trunk, in a box
    to be donated and sent away into time,
    I took him back as I recalled who he was,
    I never wanted to lose him again.
    So he's stayed with me since;
    through class graduations, years
    of therapy, hospitalizations,
    and months-long rehab stints;
    through moments of mourning
    and quiet contentment,
    through times of trauma and dissociation,
    abuse and excitement and euphoria,
    explosive anger and fiery sadness,
    dysfunction and love- the greatest man
    to go with me through it all
    was a simple kitty, made of stuffing-
    my beacon of sanity through the good,
    the bad, and the growing up.

    He was worn down and tired
    by the time I was older; fur matted,
    body stretched and flattened,
    stuffing leaking out of holes
    in his back like puncture wounds.
    I tried to keep him in my arms at night,
    but it would never be the same again.
    He was weary and could no longer provide
    the same comfort he brought
    when I was small, and I
    could never recapture what I once had,
    the childhood that time forgot-
    the one I missed out on
    before I even noticed it was over.

    There's a crack in my head, bore early on,
    and all attempts to revive what once was
    are futile. I feel as stuck
    as this empty, old cat; frozen in time,
    rotting inside of myself as well.
    The morning always keeps on moving,
    with us or without us,
    no matter how hard we struggle
    to slow it down.
    Why are we born just to decay,
    and to witness the deaths
    of everything we ever cherished?

    It's getting harder to survive, but I try
    by retiring my old knight and
    finding a new one- a pretty pink lamb,
    bringing back sweetness and solace
    for the inner child
    that still needs it, as childhood
    lingers in places we forgot existed,
    and it holds ancient wisdom
    that adults will never listen to.
    My old kitty watches from
    the shelf now; he's seen so much of me,
    witnessed so many mysterious things
    that I could never throw him out completely.
    As a little girl I was embarrassed
    of my attachments to stuffed animals-
    but now, as a grown woman,
    I am allowed to keep as many
    as I want, as many as it takes
    to keep me cozy and secure-
    as many as it takes
    to alleviate the agony of being alive
    and getting older.
    It is not childish to want these things.

    It is not childish to want to feel childish;
    it is, in fact, the first mark
    of healing, a crucial step
    on the rocky journey back to yourself;
    for allowing all the parts inside you
    to release, breathe, and no longer be
    condemned to their old, aching grief-
    opens up the secret portals
    to myriad lost memories...
    ©in_fragments

  • riveria 3w

    Heavy lungs

    Keep Breathing
    Even is your lungs feel like a balloon
    Pressing against your ribs
    Wanting to escape

    Keep Breathing
    Even is they feels like a rock
    Sinking down to your spine
    As you lie awake

    Keep Breathing
    Even if your heart's racing
    Mind's racing, telling you
    This is it

    Even if your lungs are heavy
    Keep your hopes steady
    Keep Breathing
    Keep Breathing


    ©riveria

  • mrspectacular 3w

    CAMARADERIE

    _____________________________________________________
    Charles sits in his room most of the day, dreaming of how much better his life would be if his feet functioned as properly as they should. Just then, as he is ruminating on the possibility of how beautiful his life should be, his assistant Marcel, a young slender man in his thirties he had employed through the help of an agency strolls into the room, a tastefully furnished thirty meters wide bedroom to ask if he would like to go for a stroll outside for a moment instead of sitting inside all day feeling sorry for himself.
    Marcel expects an outburst as usual. A fit of rage from Charles demanding to be left alone as he flings whatever is around him at that moment at his disturber but to his greatest consternation, Charles obliges his request saying,
    'You know what? I think you are right', he says with a smile that seems very alien to him. 'I'm not dead. I'm just paralyzed that's all. Please let's go.'

    Marcel wheels Charles out of his room into the courtyard and out of the gate as he pushes him around for a little fresh air. He takes Charles through three streets, engaging him in conversations about places as they wheel through, making Charles smile so often as though he is watching his favourite sitcom which he does not have as he never has interest for television, only staring into the sky and watching the birds fly and the clouds move while he calculates his losses in life. Today however he would see life in a different light.
    Getting to a pedestrian bridge linking the lands flanking the River Sparringrow, Charles notices a particular man standing at the railings of the bridge, Charles asks Marcel to push him towards the man and this he does. Getting to him,
    'Hello sir, my name is Charles. It is a really nice weather we are having today, isn't it?', Charles asks trying to start a conversation.
    'Who cares?', the man, Thompson asks rhetorically visibly frustrated at something.
    'Oh I do and as a matter of appreciation, you should too', Charles admonishes with a smile.
    'Listen to me. I don't know you and I can tell you don't know how bad I am feeling right now so if you don't mind, I was about to end it all before your interruption. By the way, I think you should join me too because you look hideous'.
    'You got that right. I look hideous. Damn right, No one would want to be me but look at you sir. You have legs to walk around the place, I have to wait on that young man over there for every move I want to make so don't you think I have every reason to want to 'end it all'?
    'Yes, that is the reason I asked you to come join me'
    'Well, life's too beautiful to take my life and lose the beautiful things it has to offer untimely. Certainly there comes a time a man must die but by the cause of nation. Otherwise he is a coward running from battles he is well equipped for. Again I don't know you but I am pretty sure whatever it is you are going through would clearly not last forever. Whatever it is, I'm sure if you stay strong, you will be more than proud of who you turn out to be as a result of the hard times which are clearly meant to hone you and not own you'.
    'I have lost everything. I lost my job', Thompson begins listing the reasons he feels he should end it.
    'There are billions of jobs out there that would be willing to take a handsome, strong young man like yourself sir but they would not see you if you're dead, would they?' Charles tries to encourage him.
    'I lost my wife...'
    'Again, my good sir. Look at yourself. You can clearly get any lady you so please. Apologies for her death'.
    'No, she did not die. She left along with kids'
    'Well, she was not to be yours or she did not know value. There are lots and lots of ladies out there I am sure who would be more than happy to be the next Mrs. Thompson but would we ever know if you take your life?', Charles asks rhetorically. 'No obviously. C'mon there is a lot to live for out here.'
    He freezes right there on the ledge rethinking his decision to take his own life. He is not certain if going with this paralyzed stranger's advice is the best for him. They just meet for what...like thirty seconds...What could he possibly know about him to advise him on what to do about his issues. He begins dilly-dallying on whether he really wants to go with Charles's advice or go all in with his own. Death, already stimulated to receive him, plays a fast one as he slips and falls off the bridge but grabbing the railing of the bridge, he yells for assistance.
    'Help me...No...I don't want to die anymore', he screams as he begins to imagine the gory face of death staring at him and smiling while pulling him towards itself menacingly. He suddenly stops feeling the breeze from the stream on his body as he battles to hold on to the rail that seems to currently hold his life.
    'Somebody please help him', Charles screams helplessly. Marcel quickly rises to the occasion ,running across from the park bench where he is seated while he imagined someone else would help Thompson out of the mouth of death. Grabbing Thompson by the hand, he attempts to pull him up but fear seems to get the better part of Thompson as he holds to the rail obstinately.
    'Sir, I know you are scared but I cannot help you unless you give me your hand so I can pull you up', Marcel says as he tries to convince Thompson to let go of the rail so he can be rescued.
    'But I will fall and die', Thompson's replies fearfully.
    'I will not let you fall sir. Trust me', Marcel says reassuring Thompson that he is particular about bringing him safely over the rail.
    Seeing he has no choice, Thompson decides to let go of the rail and let Marcel pull him in. Trying hard for two whole minutes, Marcel finally gets Thompson over the rail. Once he is over the rail, Thompson gives Marcel a tight hug thanking him for the save while imagining how he would have drown inside the fast running water or worse still hit his head against some hard surface hidden under the water and died.
    'Thank you friendly angel', Thompson says. 'I owe you my life'.
    'Oh it's okay sir', Marcel says unwilling to be made to look like some hero who had just saved the Earth.
    'And you, worthy sir', he says as he turns to Charles. 'Thank you for the advice. I promise to do as you have advised'.
    'Oh...come off it', Charles responds modestly. 'It's always a pleasure to help. Please try to always see the positive in every situation. Life is certainly sweeter that way'
    'Thank you so much', Thompson says once more as he walks away dropping his card with Marcel.
    'I'm really glad I came out today you know', Charles says to Marcel as he wheels him home. 'We should do this more often'.
    Marcel smiles pleased that Charles feels much better about himself now.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ©mrspectacular

  • tuckerdinnes 4w

    I am

    I am
    not lost
    I am
    recovering
    discovering
    uncovering
    treasure temporarily
    misplaced
    I am
    becoming


    ©tuckerdinnes

  • benny_lambchop 4w

    Love of Liquor

    Ain't nothing like the love of liquor
    The elixir that will make me sicker
    Drop into the drink
    To depths never imagined
    In-between the blissful void
    My fears have been packaged
    Bottled inside
    Ignited by pain
    Fear has consumed me
    A coffin of my own
    Propped up on top of garbage
    Drunk off my own shame
    Ain't nothing like the liquor of love
    The elixir that will set me free
    ©blammers

  • benny_lambchop 4w

    Creativity is Pointless

    The words in my head
    Pounding blistering
    Urgency to be created
    To disseminate from my mind
    These words are meaningless
    But the dopamine hits
    And my fingers
    Tip tip tap
    Another means to an end
    ©blammers

  • benny_lambchop 4w

    I Deserve This

    Here in harm's way 

    We take solace in each others arms

    Blissfully wrapped in a serpentine sea

    Venomous nips leaving swollen bruises

    Pleasure is pain

    I deserve less

    Pain is pleasure

    I deserve this

    Masochist tendencies

    Self destructive category

    I search for love in pain

    Beauty in death and darkness

    I want to be the light

    But I'm tainted
    ©blammers

  • in_fragments 5w

    "The moment I decided
    to leave the path I'd always known
    was when I found out
    there was another one
    I could take.

    After all I've been through here,
    I thought this was the only way
    to live for me- the only way to love,
    with anger
    and hurt
    and confusion;
    the only way to attach myself
    to the world;
    disorganized,
    depersonalized,
    and compartmentalized,
    caught in a cycle
    of learned helplessness-
    when I watched as my father
    screamed into
    my mother's face,
    a random outburst
    that is never actually random;
    when we froze as his voice soared
    like a monster
    or a killer;
    when I felt the long lull
    in the air, and in every
    surrounding conversation
    as the others' recognition set in;
    when I watched
    as the rest of the family
    looked away, wide-eyed outside,
    but inside cowards
    with nothing to say-

    When my mother looked to me,
    and we were two
    caged birds
    with needless defeat in our eyes.
    I felt like a powerless
    child again;
    wanting to fight back,
    knowing I had it in me
    to be angrier
    than he ever was;
    but unable to break
    the glossy illusion of stability,
    forced to stay quiet,
    swallow every tear and test of rage-
    too cowardly to move,
    just like
    the rest of them.

    The path of the maladjusted
    bends in endless circles,
    convinced it will be different
    if you just keep on it
    a little longer;
    walking on eggshells,
    conditional love-
    I decide to leave for the path
    that leads
    to less destruction.

    The next day I realized
    I would be going alone.
    Not everybody
    is getting out.

    But I
    am getting out,
    no longer a verbal
    and emotional punching bag,
    instead a woman
    to be respected,
    a diamond
    that knows its worth
    and takes nothing less,
    no longer obligated to a family
    that doesn't respect me,
    casually making me
    question my sanity
    for the sake
    of preserving their own.

    I decided
    I could no longer
    live like them,
    restarting all the cycles again,
    the ones they put me through
    in childhood.
    I used to think
    I could come back stronger
    than any of them would remember,
    but a final realization came-
    to fully mend my heart,
    to find the lost pieces
    of my identity and soul,
    I cannot come back again at all.
    To get healthy I need
    to stay away,
    say goodbye
    to those who can't come with me,
    and begin again
    on the hard and blazing gravel
    of a terrifying
    new direction."
    ©in_fragments

    ~~~~
    There is a way to get better from this. Hang in there. Things are going to change soon.
    #pod #poem #life #thoughts #trauma #mentalhealth #selfcare #healing #recovery @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    The Path To Less Destruction

    The moment I decided
    to leave the path I'd always known
    was when I found out
    there was another one
    I could take.
    ©in_fragments

  • heyjey 6w

    Hmmmmm

    I feel lost and confused.
    Wandering under the moon,
    Pondering about Life.
    Yesterday seems better than today for yesterday is over and today isn't.
    Making tomorrow fearful.
    There isn't melancholy nor happiness,
    But a strange sense of loss and loneliness.
    ©heyjey

  • b_gotti 6w

    Rise

    The fierceness of the night now over. All that is left standing is you. Morning arrives finding you somber. With it, creeps in skies of the truest blue. Lighting the scene as it bids darkness adieu.Chaos and destruction lay in the devastating battles wake. Nothing is left undamaged, no pieces even are left to take.Where once stood memories that carried you through, now lays a crypt. Telling a tale of lives lost, now all laid out in a gruesome queue. What wouldn't you give for one precious chance to start anew.. or else, a chance to finally be at peace and see heavens view.Such sights to be seen. You would no longer be unclean. You would walk amongst sights of such you have never before gleamed. Never have you seen such beauty or pastures quite as green. Listen to the wind. There are choices to be made in this moment. Your destiny remains until this second undetermined. No time to stand here lost being ambivalent. Either continue to only view all you have suffered through and let your mind take over and misconstrue.Or..
    Let your Fate be an arrow who's aim is true. Moving forward towards the rainbow shining through the aftermath, a promise left just for you. A reminder that there are joys and better nights to come that are long overdo. Will you stay on your path and triumphantly pursue a life one day up in those pastures you once couldn't wait to view?

    Its not predetermined, its up to you. Does morning bring a poor soul who's tale is a bit taboo.. or will you rise and

    Establish a champions debut?

    ©bgotti

  • malacorath 7w

    Selfharmers Prayer

    My hardened heart still knows how to feel,
    I just need time to hurt, and to heal.

    I may be in solitude, but I am not alone,
    As I continue my journey into the unknown.

    Life and love, have levied a heavy toll,
    But they are nothing to my beautiful soul.

    ©malacorath

  • pbwrites101 7w

    One thing which I understood in recent week has stunned me from inside.I am not ready to accept how much my life can made a difference this much. To give some light ,I was tested Coronavirus positive as of late. Also, specialist proposed for home disengagement as my report says negative however I had all the Coronavirus side effects And to be straightforward my life changed in this past week. There were plenty of contemplations to me ,being an overthinker my brain was playing with myself.

    Just to give some data about myself I am the guy who is working a long way from home , living alone to satisfy his family wishes . As i was suffering from all those symptoms and one thing rung a bell I won't ever go to my home as I would turn into the career for this infection and it will taint my folks. The originally thought was not what I will do now , should I get tested , should I seclude myself it was for my folks.

    Also, I can't reveal to them anything as usual they will take pressure and get alarm on account of which their wellbeing get affected. I was feeling so vulnerable and that too with fever and all I couldn't get up from my bed to bring water for myself. It was troublesome time for me.

    Yet, the following day I concluded it is now or never I visited the medical clinic and did all the examination and testing. What's more, returned to my room and again a similar cycle begins of pain and fever.

    I was inquisitively hanging tight for my reports as I likewise need to know is this truly Coronavirus or simply some flu.My reports got postponed on account of the surge and unexpected ascent in the Coronavirus cases there were an excess of tension on the bleeding edge individuals( doctors) additionally ,And now comes the psyche( mind) it plays very urgent part , what you think and what amount is right there is a dainty line between this , I turned out to be so frantic I began calling clinics to ensure if any crisis comes they ought to be on my dial pad on the grounds of as nobody was there who might have conceded to me if my circumstance deteriorate than this.

    So following 3 days my report came and shockingly it was negative .Then what the heck was occurring with me from a week ago I was having every one of the indications ,all the agony and the report is showing negative. As usual my psyche again began the reasoning game, I don't have the foggiest idea how out of nowhere I booked a taxi and chose for leaving to my home ,I educated my folks to set up a room and all I was thinking to simply dump myself on the grounds that my condition was not improving here alone as I had quit eating food in pretense of that I may contaminate someone . To whom to express profound gratitude how this idea rings a bell I returned to my home. At a certain point I was figuring how I can be so egotistical, there were 100% odds of spreading this infection yet at the same time I came and with what energy or some god-like force I just smashed myself in that room I advised my folks to maintain distance and not to come close to me.

    Also, presently to see their kid like this since they have never seen me like this so defenseless , seeing my condition they froze and began calling every one they can. Furthermore, I was there however I didn't have that much energy that I can calm them down and clarify them it will be alright ,there was nothing left on me after that tiring 7 hours venture I simply required some rest. By one way or another they oversaw and everything settled.

    Also, presently I am in isolation from most recent 7 days and recuperating admirably , it will require some investment however I will ricochet back.
    #journey #mentalhealth
    #covidpositive #writersnetwork #mirakee #rant
    #covid #recovery #share
    @writersnetwork @mirakee @mirakeeworld

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    Rant 101

    ©pbwrites101

  • masterdquotes 7w

    Stay brave, my love, for there will come a day when everything and everyone you love will abandon you. You will be in the pits of sheer despair and, in that abyss, you will face your monsters. That day, you get to decide if you want to be consumed by your demons or tame them. That day, you will either morph into the eternal flame or turn into Odin's rage!
    ©masterDquotes

  • poeticprelusion 7w

    Ruminate

    You ruminate about the memories you can't remember
    Was it April, no, maybe December
    They reached in and grabbed the repressed from silence
    A narrative unleashing screams of, rape, war, or violence

    You're supposed to be
    Strong, controlled, and all put together
    Instead, you are now
    Withdrawn, bitter cold, like winter weather

    Scattered thoughts that spin chaotically
    Intoxication happens more than periodically
    Another drink not enough to take you beyond
    Now you've resorted to a different type of buzz-on

    Imprisoned at home, not safe, still scary
    Along with outbursts of regretful words you know carry
    Another backflash promised, but, when and where
    Triggers from all your senses are the clothes you now wear

    Hesitant to reach out, and grab onto a hand
    Learning you are not alone rotting in the sand
    For God with your help holds the power
    From haunting memories on you they shower

    With time and help will bring a new you
    Back to a life you once knew
    So, put down the poison and break free from silence
    That has imprisoned you from, rape, war, or violence.
    ©poeticprelusion

  • frowzy 8w

    .

  • in_fragments 9w

    "Why am I so afraid to be childlike?
    That insight I have yearned for,
    yet cannot allow myself to find-
    because growing up is sadness,
    growing up is death,
    and I had to grow up fast,
    to bury the child alive in the fog-
    but she's still there,
    resurrected and wandering,
    wide-eyed and misplaced
    behind miles of smoke and mirrors.

    Child, where did I put you?
    I hid you away with no intent to seek-
    is it too late to say I'm sorry,
    to extend my curiosity,
    to dig you back up after
    they forced me to bury you?
    Children of suffering,
    still so bright and loving,
    I wish I could let you come out and play,
    to laugh and feel warmth,
    see the world burst with color
    and engage with vivid life,
    but I am neither adult nor child,
    I've become the monster
    you all run from;
    mired in guilt, fear, draped in shame,
    afraid to be childlike,
    afraid to trust anyone-
    the ice villainess frozen in isolation
    who wants to thaw
    but doesn't know how.

    Am I simply not meant to know?"
    ©in_fragments

    ~~~~
    It's not fair.
    #pod #poem #ptsd #childhood #trauma #mentalhealth #mentalillness #selfcare #recovery @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    Afraid to be Childlike

    Children of suffering,
    still so bright and loving,
    I wish I could let you come out and play...
    ©in_fragments

  • in_fragments 9w

    "I'm sick again today.

    It's an empty day,
    another one where I don't exist.
    I am a puddle, a mushy thing,
    an unfinished being. I don't know
    where I end and the others begin,
    I don't know who I am,
    I have nothing to offer, no money
    to be made from me today,
    or any other day.
    A sick girl in an even sicker world;
    it reminds me this morning
    that I do not belong in it-
    I am strange, defective, not like
    all of you. I never was, I never will be-
    I merely desire to be real.
    I want time to exist, because time
    is already up for me;
    I have been borrowing it
    since the day I was born.
    I long to exist, but not like this.

    How many of us feel this sick?

    Are we the sick ones, really,
    or are they?
    The ones with influence
    who craft a society
    that constantly gaslights itself
    in pursuit of the Godly Dollar,
    keeping itself terrorized
    and in denial of all its trauma,
    forcing everyone else
    to bear the brunt of it for them-
    so the rich keep getting richer,
    and the sick keep getting sicker;
    and still we are expected
    to smile and nod like nothing
    is wrong.
    We adjusted ourselves
    to this mode of living,
    one we are not meant for,
    one they do not want us
    to truly be a part of,
    making ourselves unwell
    to prove our value to everyone else,
    all the while knowing
    IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.

    I will never be enough. You
    will never be enough, and no one
    will adjust for us.

    When existence is simultaneously
    too much and not enough,
    where are the broken ones
    supposed to go?
    Where is the relief?
    Society doesn't want me
    on days where I have nothing to be;
    an outlaw
    finding refuge in nature,
    outcasted, but refusing to come back,
    will we be the ones
    to build a new world from here?
    How do you rebuild
    that which they get paid
    to destroy every single day?
    Inner peace is not profitable,
    love and health
    hold no precedent there;
    yet they flourish here,
    under me, in the green.

    I am sick again today,
    but for a moment,
    as I explore within the trees,
    feel the life returning
    through my feet,
    I don't feel sick at all."
    ©in_fragments

    ~~~~
    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti.
    "The middle of nature is definitely the best place to have an existential crisis. ����" -Me lol.
    #pod #poem #society #life #mentalillness  #mentalhealth #recovery @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    Broken Ones, Green Refuge

    Society doesn't want me
    on days where I have nothing to be;
    an outlaw
    finding refuge in nature,
    outcasted, but refusing to come back,
    will we be the ones
    to build a new world from here?
    ©in_fragments

  • mrspectacular 9w

    HYPERNATION

    Everything looks perfect than the usual migrainous atmosphere Hilary is used to. He walks through the street naked unknown. Something feels rather off. It is meant to be a Monday, he expects that his boss would calling his phone now wondering where he is and why he is taking so long to get to the office but that is not happening. Confused and distraught, he yearns for someone to explain what is going on but they will not even approach him but only stare at him with a mixture of disgust and pity.

    After walking aimlessly for close to fifteen minutes, he comes upon a young lady,Miriana who looks like she is in her late 20s standing by the door of a building that looked rather too sophisticated unlike the others he had come by which look rather ancient structured. He wonders why hers was quite different from the other houses he had come across behind him but he sure did like what he was seeing. Both the lady and her building seemed to fascinate him. He prays within him that someway she would not be like the others he had met before.

    To his greatest surprise, she beckons at him frantically seeing that he is naked, waving her hands in the air to attract him to her, seeing that he is naked so she could help him with something to cover up himself and probably ascertain the reason for his demeanor as he does not have the look of a lunatic. Drawing closer to her, he can help himself as he smiles so heartily having been beckoned by the girl of his dream. Taking him into the house, a well furnished edifice with everything one could ask for, six air-conditioning units, four sitting rooms, two dinning rooms and one very large bedroom, he is astonished as to how this young lady could have come about this wonderful space.
    Asked to sit while she goes to get something for him to wear, he takes his seat however wondering why exactly he would need something else to wear as he is not aware he is naked. Seated comfortably, he can not stop admiring the sophistication of the house. Fascinated by a miniature sculpture he sees resting on one of the cupboards in the house, he moves over to admire it some more. Lost in the details of perfection he finds in the sculpture, he does not realize when Miriana re-enters the room.
    'You must love art?'
    Startled, he drops the sculpture to the ground, shattering it instantly.
    'I am sorry.... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. Please I did not mean to do that', he apologizes frantically while trying to pick the pieces back up and put them together again in order not to get Mariana any angrier than he wrongly perceives she already is.
    Mariana looks at him and smiles at how scared at how scared she is, she has never seen a man that courteous and scared in her entire life.
    'C'mon...It is okay', she says. 'I know you did not mean it. I will remake it. I have been looking for something to do actually. This would be a good opportunity'
    'You mean you sculpted all these?' he asks shocked. 'I am mindblown to say the least'
    'Thank you my goodman', she says with an accent as she genuflects.
    'You're welcome milady', Hilary bows with a smile on his face.
    'Alright. Here are some clothes', Miriana says as she hands him the clothes to go put on. 'Please go put them on.'
    'But I already have my clothes on. Can't you see?', he argues taking a 360° turn for her to see the clothes he has on.
    Unwilling to pursue any further argument, she quickly leads him to the dresser in the bedroom to prove to him that he is naked.
    Standing before the mirror, he is shocked to see he is really naked with his penis erect. Embarrassed, he quickly snatches the clothes from Miriana. 'You mean I've been walking for the past one hour naked?', he questioned rhetorically. 'Why didn't anyone of those other people that saw me say something.'
    'They probably thought you were mad or they just really liked what they were seeing', she says giving her lower lip a gentle bite.
    'I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life', Hillary remarks jamming his head against the wall repeatedly. 'I feel so stupid'.
    'Calm down, my dear', Miriana says as she puts her right hand on his shoulder. 'That is how I felt when I first got here but eventually you get used to it.'
    'What do you mean when you first got here?', he questions almost vexed imagining Miriana is mocking him.
    Pulling him along, she leads to one of the sitting rooms so they could sit comfortably and discuss what is happening to them both.
    'Please take a seat', Miriana courteously asks and when Hillary does, she continues. 'I've been here for three weeks altogether...'
    'What????', Hilary screams. 'You mean there is no escape from this hellish nightmare?'
    'Relax...' Miriana pacifies. 'I did not say three weeks stretch. It happens once in a while. You dream about a perfect world and you are brought to this place for a week and after a week in the regular world calendar you are returned to reality so once it is 12:01am here, you will be returned back to the real time which would have been a week already there.'
    'I will be asleep for a week in the real world?', Hilary asks with a rather devious smile
    'Exactly...', Miriana remarks. 'Crazy right?'
    'No.... Awesome' Hillary objects. 'I work too hard. I deserve this break'. He looked around the building wondering what exactly he would do with the one week break he has been given by whatever it was that was going on right then. 'So tell me. What do you guys do for fun here?'
    'My dear, this is a place of limitless possibility. There is practically nothing impossible here. Do whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want it. Just enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to a fun time.'
    Hillary leaves Miriana to go treat himself to a fun time with this new world. He goes into a bank and demand for fifty billion pounds and on the spot, the money is issued to him, no questions asked. He buys a fleet of cars, builds a very massive mansion, a fully automated, expensively furnished house equipped with every electronic gadget and appliances that could make life feel like heaven.
    He is so pleased with himself but unknown to him, the week at the reality side of life is about to end so he would be returning home soon. Now he could not imagine what a perfect life would be like but he is living it. Taking a whiff of the cigarette he has bought on the grounds that cancer of the lungs nor kidney has any power over him here, he puffs into the air so happily. After about seven large sticks of cigarettes, he falls asleep which wakes him up to real world where he is surrounded by his wife and kids alongside some doctors who were actually battling to save his life imagining he had gone into some sort of comatose.
    Confused, he questions, 'What's going on here?'


    ©mrspectacular