I am sorry that I am capable of drawing the worst emotions out of you and place them in front of you, making you go livid over your own mirror image. I am sorry for those spiteful comebacks against your most indecent, unfair speculations you whip me up with because I don't shut up after being constantly hurt. I am sorry for laying out the most venomous path from blocking you coming back into my life when your tongue developed a nasty taste of maligning a respectable person. I am sorry for turning cold after you subjected me to sadistic weather denouncing me every now & then so you could easily hide your guilt from yourself. Do I really have to be sorry?
I saw, at a very tender age, how humans are. My father’s body placed in a funeral pyre; people crying, people screaming; people pretending to cry, people pretending to scream in pain. Who would have thought what a 6-year-old could notice? This turned out to be another gathering for you the moment things were over, the jolly lines of a personal sitcom started. My mother had the toughest time dealing with it but all you wanted was for her to stay immersed in her sorrows and never get up. She knew the blabbermouths around her won’t feed her children so she mustered up every ounce of her trampled courage to go to work the very next day and disregarded all the eyes prying into her bold actions. The sulking heads kept scowling as to how quickly she forgot to mourn and stepped outside the home. For a little girl, it was admirable but I noticed everyone’s reactions oblivious that they are being decoded.
I thought people would applaud her for being brave and strong, instead, it made me realize the joy people dwell in in pulling others down who want to climb out and do something better for themselves. The darkest parts of human behavior I never intended to face at that age. The way they talked behind her back, the way they were jealous Men because of her valor, women because of her fearlessness.
I kept asking myself why would anyone be offended? She is only trying to feed her family rather than asking for help, or begging or victimizing herself when she has been struck hard by her doomed fate in her prime.
I am sorry I grew darker with each rendezvous with humans, when people secretly took pleasure in seeing others in pain and constant suffering. I developed trust issues when in front of people they smiled at me & said “consider me like your father” but turned a blind eye like I never existed the moment crowd disappeared.
I realized even my darkest parts were shards of honest lights that still knew about keeping the words. My bones didn’t know the hypocrisy to turn away from own blood.
My mother, that one person who kept pouring in through the tiny crevices of my open wounds; the meaning of honesty, loyalty, kindness & love and gradually nursing it back to feel something; while boldly ignoring that her whole existence had been put under fire by that Lord and how are we going to survive in this vile world, was still the biggest question. But she didn’t flinch while answering it, for certain. Never once she responded back harshly to the haters; as to her one's life & personality is what they make of it.
I am sorry for some of my darkest remnants that still managed to hide somewhere that embrace me when at any moment I am made to stand in front of vicious thoughts again without ever trying to intentionally hurt someone. That darkness is much more comforting than your sneaky glitters.
I chose kindness because I want to do good by that one person who could always find magic in living. I chose kindness after accepting reality, not out of weakness But to some people, Sorry but I am not sorry for being dark.
People can't understand that love and relationship are different things . To love someone is easy it's like the smile that comes to your face when you see a flower without any pre conceived thoughts. Love is also like that you can love a person without any expectations and judgements. You can be just happy and content with the fact that your love just exist in this universe. Your happiness only depends on your lover happiness. There is no give and take in love. But when it comes to relationships it's not like love . Yes we do need love to be in relationship it makes the relationship strong. But a relationship is a mutual feeling between two persons. There is a balance of proper give and take in relationships. You have to always seek that you both have to put mutual efforts to relationship. Neither you nor your partner should ever feel that they're giving more than what they receive. Love isn't only about that sweet feeling that you can't resist but its about all the pain, sacrifices,trust, communication and efforts one needs to go through to maintain that relationship. We can never be perfect and we have to accept that neither could be our partner but the only key is balance and pushing ourselves to grow. Grow at all the phases but the growth must be a mutual process not a divided dream.....#ranting#writersnetwork#mirakee@mirakee@writersnetwork
Go, Get married, To a beautiful girl who is healthy from the inside. Because a girl with a question mark on her child bearing skills does not have many customers in the marriage market. Achievements, dreams, passions, hardly matter when a girl's main skill is to bring a new life into this world. All those dreams, passions, ambitions, are merely a survival mechanism for the person who'll be there at a stall in the marriage market, waiting for a customer to come. Then those medals won't increase her value, she'll have to be grateful that atleast she was chosen. At that instance, those certificates and appreciation letters won't matter, they won't show the great skills of the girl, the greatness would lie with the prospective groom and the family for being magnanimous enough to accept the girl with her 'flaws'.
At some stage of life, maybe you too are faced with this situation, I hope that never happens, but if it does, just be prepared....
She's being told to be a kid again, instead of a mom.. Be silly and stupid and herself, To spill the drink on her clothes and not care to be tidy, not care to be pretty..
She's being told to demand help, when she doesn't know how to open a pack of crackers.. To receive whatever she thinks she doesn't want.. Because somehow her memory makes her believe She's better off without things, that come with conditions..
She's being told to act helpless, even though her heart knows she isn't! To face what has always been in her.. That she lost her appetite for, Everytime she got hurt!
To reconnect to all her hungers for life.. Hungers that burn brighter, Sometimes after devouring the feasts, just as much they do, sometimes after fasting.. She's being told to be entitled enough to expect what she wants, & throw away what doesn't woo her wishes..
It is in these uncomfortable ways of not being a caregiver, That she's being told to care for herself.. And it is in these ways of demanding, taking and forgetting to give back, In these wild ways of not caring enough to be moral, That she's struggling to find herself.. Struggling to accept what hurt her own feelings once.. But she's being told to find herself everywhere.. Everywhere in her wilderness, Just as much as in her maturity..
By chasing her extremes, She's being told to not belong to her polarities.. By a voice that says, There is always enough for everyone, So take & take, As much as you think you don't need it, Until you begin to need it again.. Blow into your extinguishing crackling coals Until the fire in it is strong enough, to bake your muddy life into form again! Until then, Be a kid again..
shraddha_shrivastavaHi! Can you please do me a favor? I urgently need few subscriptions on our POETRY CUM MOTIVATIONAL channel. Kindly extend your support if you find it worth....The link is in my bio...
The present one is the latest voiceover in AMITABH BACHCHAN'S voice on the famous poem "Tu Chal" from PINK!
Remember, supporting the LGBT community, does not automatically make me a homosexual. I would rather prefer a peaceful world, without labelling people according to their sexuality. #Pride#Ranting#Sarcasm