It was Christmas time. I was beyond sad. I am grief stricken, heartbroken and anger filled about all the things around me, I was betrayed by someone that I love, and people I trusted and helped.
I remember two things only, my grief, and my strength. I remember I always feel like crying at those times, but I don’t let the tears fall. I always tell myself I’ll cry on the inside, but I won’t stop fighting, they will never see me defeated on this, I might be hurt, but sure as hell I won’t be the loser.
I remember seeing the concert of the Michael Learns To Rock, and I immediately bought the cheapest ticket with the help of my friend.
The band was amazing, but what helped me? When they sang these two songs. Complicated Heart and Blue Night. It’s not a love song for me. These are pain soothing songs for me.
Yes I held on to anything at that will make me survive, all non-harmful things, overspending, disappearing from events, and cutting off people, bands, songs, arts, crying, being angry all the time, as long it doesn’t physically hurt others, to make myself feel better or heal my own wounds.
Take care of yourself, know what heals you. I have known this since I was young, no one will really love you or take care of you more than you, and sometimes your parents can show that unconditional kind of love, but if they are not there who will?