She was about my age and I was around 9 or 10 years old. I remember the first time I saw her. I had never seen such an angel in my life. Her red t-shirt, denims jean pant, oval shaped face and fair complexion along with her slander figure perfectly heavenly made nothing I could do or think but was an astonishing blow that I could only fall. She was small but the goddess of beauty. Her smile and the way she glance at me was the strongest arrow ever shot by the God of arrows piercing right through to my heart. That was the very day our mutual arousal incepted. I was into her and lost completely like a tiny live boat in the middle of a vast ocean unknown where to sail. 9 years later we broke our silence and yes we were the happiest young couple. She was a little mousy in nature and that was the cutest thing that happened to me. She was such a young demure lady I could never enough to appreciate. My tantrum was unpredictable and that cause me to get away out of the place where I belong to and never wanted to abandon. Left in hurry and bizarrely unnoticed to anyone. She was the only one I shared my situation. Like river water flowing toward see unable to resist the attraction, time and motion took me away to the further city where I had the worst nightmare. I tried to reach her as many as I could and she was not even unreachable. I was compelled and so after few phone calls I ceased completely, hurtfully and Unwelcome. Though I had a rough temperament I did never break social order. It was just my physical problem. I kept down everything to myself. Never wanted to let other know my conditions especially my mousy cutie angel and my mom. No more contact completely out of touch. All I could do was wishing and praying for her " May God crowned her happiness". And this is what happened when meeting her after 4 years, I never blamed her and will not. Yes I was selfish somehow unwanted to let her go but I always respect her decision. My diary read as...... "She made the best decision There left no regrets. Though I didn't like the idea, (went in vain). There was no turning back because she made her best shot to move forward and she must be happy with it, (I should say ). She moved on without a word not even leaving behind a thing for me and us (a bunch of indispensable friends once upon a time). Though as I expected (as I did a big mistake unintentionally) and believed she would always be there as she was once said ("always be there no matter what"). As strong as she was now the harder to crack she is.Though her affirmation and my trust were sacred. Nothing remain the same forever. As time goes by to ere is our love."
There are days I just want to slip into an emptiness and detach myself from from all entanglements into a river of deep silence, without a lifejacket on. Trust me!! This solace is such an empowering tool that can actually combat the turbulence within ...
What all would I not give, just to go back to that time when my only tension was to find the other pair of school socks in the morning. Not finishing the tiffin box and getting scolded by mum, seemed a trouble greater than US war. I wonder what happened to that girl, who loved playing in rain and making paper boats. What was that exact date and time when I started hating rains and saw them as disgusting trouble. The rain, which was once the element of joy, is now just mud and damp clothes to me. I wonder when did I grow up so big.
I still remember the taste of that maggie, which me and my sister used to eat from the same yellow bowl, watching Tom and Jerry. The maggie, which was once an emotion back then, is now just a junk I eat to satisfy the post midnight hunger. I wonder if cartoon network still show Tom and Jerry and Richie Rich for that account and I wonder if kids still watch them or do they prefer Netflix these days. Probably Netflix I think.
When did we all grow up so big. What happened to that innocence and purity of our souls. What made us so busy that we could no longer afford to waste a minute appreciating small things. They say, 'time flies.' To where, I wonder.