The diary knows it all
5th May, 2021
As the devil's favorite year, 2020, ended, so did my inhibitions. Those pent up emotions, frustrations, vulnerabilities, failures and zillion reasons of life going haywire seem to pass away suddenly. It's strange, how much I had changed during the lockdown.
I re started my affair with the lost pen, which had started decades ago as my one-sided affair wasn't heading anywhere. I would peep out of window, stealthily soaking into my crush's Sunny Vibes. Then having satiated my soul, I would scribble random thoughts and poetry in my diary.
And one winter morning, he just left the neighborhood. With his absence everything changed overnight. I stopped writing. The winter lasted through a decade, marred with self doubt and insecurities with me leading a purposeless life.
I healed eventually, but after almost touching the tipping point and scarring my soul for a lifetime.
Family matters. My folks held steadfastly to my wreaked up soul, preventing it from getting perished away in the sunami of life. And then it dawned upon me, that there are many manifestations of love - parental love, sibling bonds, friendly warmth and so on and so forth. But the most underrated one that I failed to nurture was, self love.
Love yourself, build yourself. As mother had advised.
Those long quarantine days in the year 2020 were introspective. I learnt to let go of my insecurities, whatever little were left behind in the far corner of my bandaged soul. And most importantly, I started writing again.
As we are seemingly heading towards another lockdown, loneliness doesn't bother me any longer. It doesn't make me shrink into oblivion. Through words, I am trying to reclaim my life.
I have found myself. At last.