Wars Inside Me
Protection for myself, battles no one could have a nightmare of.
All the time trying to keep myself together. Pushing myself. Catching myself, I found out early on, there would be nobody around to help me rise up. I fought & I fought like Hell each time a war ignited. It was me against me, over & over, repeat. Each time I faced all of them head on. I knew I had to. Something inside of me gave me strength, cuz to be quite honest I have no other explanation. Wars are constantly trying to hold me down, I don't give up easily. So, each one I fight harder than I ever have. An obsessive behavior. I learned I can't let whatever it was win. It HAD to be ME. Always. Wars are meant to have an ending.
I see the wars deep inside of me, are waiting their turn. And here I am, I can't help but wonder if I am the only one like this. I figure I'm not alone. Wars, are meant to be lost or won, no in between. Trying to find a way to win each one, is difficult. Like I said, I win most, not all. The wars lost, are the lessons for me to learn. Sometimes again. And again. And again. There is no happy ending. Not this time. I continue to fight even if it's me against myself. I never know what the next war will be, just know I am ready. As for peace, maybe one day, but not any time soon.