It's beyond difficult to see him
Hooked up to tubes & Needles,
Helpless, confused, so fragile
And feeble, his body aging, as
his mind returns fetal.
I watch him stuggle, tugging &
pulls at those tubes, he seems
Panicked by them. He wants
This battle he has to fight just
To stay breathing, seems like
Being Cruel to someone as
they're leaving. My eyes can't
Unsee what they're seeing, &
The reality they are receiving,
Weighs down on my heart, its
So heavy its sinking.
Overcome by the Sadness of
What my eyes can see, Grief'
Starts wreaking havoc inside
Of me. I see his fight weaken
No more stregnth to breath,
The job of breathing for him
Is done by machines.
Tubes down his throat, unable
To speak, as he hungers, hes
Wondering, when he can eat
Awaiting food, no ones ever
Going to bring, Somehow he
Is saying hes thirsty, to me,
This torture hes suffering
Is tormenting me, I have no
power to do anything! He
can't have any food he can
Not have a drink. My heart
can not bare, what he must think?
The expression of Question he
Keeps giving me, as if to ask
"why & what are you doing to me?"
Finally, pressure gives way, & I cry.
He barely knows who we are,
muchles that we love him he has
No reason to trust that we arent
There to hurt him, he doesnt even
Know who he is...
Please! We have to do something
For him! Poor Mom hesitated, she
So we asked him what he wanted
We asked what we could do? He
was lucid when he said to release
& remove all the tubes. To honor
his wishes and our promises too,
That is what we have to do.
Im not sure he knew, he couldn't
Breath very well, without all the
Tubes, somehow i think he was
Hoping it might end what he was
Going through, even if passing on
Was what he had to do.
It was so hard watching as he
Struggled to breath, all I could do
Was hold his hand, & pray with him
Promise I would stay with him, I
Told him he was at home & he was
Not alone & assured him I would
Not leave his side!
Then he squeezed my hand &
I saw fear in his eyes, tears in
My eyes, I kept repeating "Im
right Here by your side," moments
Later, he took his last breath, & He
Died. My heavy heart filled with
Sadness & Emptied out as it
Shattered, tears over flow from
my eyes, oh How I wept & I cried,
Still had to Wake Mama, I turned
On the light, To break her heart
with the news, that the love of
her life, had just died.
It was the saddest deed so far
I've had to do my whole life. I
Pray for Mercy, & comfort
Over Moms broken heart. May
The Grace of The Holy Spirit,
Help her stay strong in faith
knowing Papa is going to a
Much bettsr place. Papa we
love miss you so much forever.