A Desperate Battle Cry
I despise my impatience, they say it is a virtue but to gain it takes the very practice I am attempting to learn.
Perhaps it is that all I do revolves around it, you ask me to use it to wait upon you.
Oh but Lord, I am a stubborn child who wants her own way on her own terms.
True healing takes time, it is a slow process full of pain, growth, tears and screams.
How many times have I screamed out in the midst of agony, swearing I have reached my limit.
I say I am ready to give in and wallow in my impurity instead of getting closer to you.
I know that is only fear talking, oh but how those words often call me.
I know that I will survive each trial I must endure; that you are my safety net in all this.
I know there will be a time the knowledge I gain from it all will be put to use, even if only for a moment.
However what is so clear in hindsight is most times imperceivable in the moment.
So I ask for the endurance, let my focus on you be so fierce, all else falls away in lue of my constant worship.
Allow my skin to thicken from these wounds but stay supple enough to bleed for others when you ask me to.
Stay my tears if they are formed in selfishness but, let me weep with those who cry out to you oh God.
Let all I do be done in worship, a reflection of your likeness in me.
Crush my prideful nature in your mighty hands.
Leave me with only my want for you.