#hour_on_him

6 posts
  • _still_in_mess 45w

    6th March , 2021
    I prefer fiction not facts.
    The End.
    My last words to you..

    I smile to read the place where I still write ‘you'.
    ~There are void in word ‘love' we felt complete but I don't carry guts to recite the conflict between the space we need to complete.

    ~I see the photographs are burned with rust, but those colors of small things are still shivering with the warmth of you being close to me.

    ~I take a sip of coffee at 2 A.M under the lantern of memories cause they give me a spotlight that you are happy not being around my arms, and then tears and a small smile satisfy my urge to survive.

    ~Whenever I search for my heart, I find you floating within my blood, but as I try to hold my heart, the blood turns white.

    ~I smell the silence when I hold your t-shirt you forgot to carry after the vacation of lights we shared, mom told me to return that T-Shirt to you cause it won't fit you after ages, I always say her that I forget to return you, but I find a synonym of peace there.

    ~We met each other now, cause of elders around, but actually, now we don't meet each other ‘we' fear, ‘ what if one of us have forgotten to read the attachments in our eyes' or else ‘ what if we filter our feelings' and sometimes ‘ what if you pretend to love ‘ us' and forget to love ‘ oneself'.

    ~You know there are moments I open my notepad to write something called ‘my love' and end up being a stranger to myself, those letters don't make us fit together in the dark screen of my cell, and if I try to fix ‘us' together they are filled with emptiness.

    ~You keep reminding me , I was old enough to think about diamond.But if anyone else plead you to erase my marks from your heart, you will prove my count of belief a faded one.My sunk decisions are too weak,
    So they wake up everyday to run and play with you in words.I feel sometimes I won't be able to reach a perfect room were writer depicts it's love.
    I'm not perfect one, I know, I won't be ever.
    Everyday when I see a new person learning the language of love, I pray they kiss their destination.
    A destination were flood and sunshine is shared with the validation called ‘ we will stay with each other till end'. But when I see that same person falling apart from star “destruction love", my eyes feels tired to read there pain. My heart bleed to see how a beauty of love ends up a healthy person into a deep breath of hate . I have seen myself growing from birth of your affection and ending up away from home of my own.
    I won't find you again floating in sea of saltless thought, and I request you to write a perfect reference of salt atleast in life of your attachment, ugh I mean love.

    ~I love listen to‘ AB KE SAWAAN' on loops, cause their story and our story goes same with few different shades and griefs, but their love survived till the end and here I don't think so you will give it oxygen to feel free and I will never give it a chance to place it in front of the mirror and in between, we will die suffocating for air and reflection.

    ~ Whenever I type my name on the keyboard, the g- board suggests the next one of yours, which gives me a sarcastic smile but I have deleted the suggestion so even though the surrounding wants us to be together, we can respect our decision of being paths apart.

    ~ They say “ grow through want, you go through", but I didn't grow up, I just kept on digging your thoughts in me, as it makes me feel better constantly and continuously.

    ~ I won't forget you, as you are the longest spring my lungs have been drowned into, your stories are fresh here just like the softness of your voice in my call recorder as well the audio recording of the last song you wrote for your “ FOREVER".

    ~ A few days back when I went to the garden at 10 p.m, I saw an old lady with her husband staring at the sky with old diamond views and romantic young soul, I smiled a bit looking at them and just took my vision to fairytales where we both are peaceful sitting at Nariman point with the wine bottle in one hand and listening to the silence of waves. We did visit there together with elders,
    I remember we both walked holding each other's hand on the paving of Nariman, if you remember, that day you told me about all your dreams, what all you want to achieve, and I was happy seeing your excitement for dreams, you know what makes that walk more special, the way you said to me, “ you too have a place in my dream", my still got heart sinks to find the true meaning of that sunset, I just wish that walk could be for a lifetime, I just wish, you know.

    ~ The map of our road was inland from your end, I did know it had limits, I loved the way those roads had a sweet destination with the blissful wind, but I never thought that those ways will end up with such an accident, making myself realize that I was drunk while taking this road, in between my heart was in core process to come out of every shock., I pray every day, for space where there will be you to reach out the new destination, a place where you will be happy with the legal claim of your dreams, I know I won't be a part of it anymore but you know I just wish you find all-star of your life.

    ~ One more thing, a small message for your "future partner", do tell her, you will right?
    Of course, I will meet her, but it won't seem appropriate I giving suggestions in form of a gift to her on the wedding day, she already has my precious jewel. Nevertheless tell her, that don't were mogra in her hair, as you are allergic to the fragrance of it, and also tell her how beautiful you write! , cause she will be happy to listen to those shayari's from you.
    Don't worry I will be the part of your wedding.
    'You' and 'I' are a little secret.
    I won't tell anyone ever, you trust me, right?
    I will be watching you from far away while you are taking "Satpadhi" and promising her to make her your lifetime. My soul will be helpless, will you do one last thing for me at that moment, just look at me for the last time portraying that cheesy smile, for which I fell for, and then hold her hand tight, so I can leave the hopes and start writing for you again. One more thing, Just keep your heart blooming wherever you go, just don't let the particles of innocence fade away cause of anyone, you are precious to me.

    ~Today, I grew 18, and 'we' are 10 years old. Might be you wouldn't be remembering it that 10 years flew like a breeze of cold air, I know responsibilities have punched your back badly, but you are capable to survive in his too, I trust you. You know what's the funniest thing 'we' were stepping into teenage of ' us' the 11th year, but per the human tendency of teenage phase,' teenage soul is fallen apart, broken and ached', our 'we' also have beaten with scars, It hurts right?

    ~ I thought there are still vocabulary words that can hide you in my poetry, but I guess they are pleading me to write the pronoun ' you', that's want keeps me breathing, the soul of my words have died back then but a ghost of it till haunts to smell those homeless essences every night with the presence of रातरानी. ( periwinkle) in my balcony

    ~ I have been covered in blanket of snow, you are cold air ,do you remember the first time you came close to me, you were shy , I was shivering , we are willing to kiss but my soul splits , we can't kiss.I stopped but you respected me ,my views , I was cold with fear but your one hug with words , ‘ hm, hug is beautiful , right?' that itself was warm. I found myself around your arms . that moment our lips didn't but heart kissed with true love.

    ~ Today , we met but it was not you anymore,when you wished me 18th , there was silence, your hands around my arms were warm, I felt like hugging you , but my belief denied to do so. You are sitting right in front of me,I'm shivering to type , but ain't afraid to see you.
    Today we are together, I'm waiting to hear you, I'm sure tonight you will find a word of last day.
    I'm completely fine but mess is dead I guess, she is dead.

    ~ If someday, I start hating you na, I will try hating myself first, I'm not a self harmer, but life had few circumstances which makes me feel that I'm the culprit. I keep finding way out saying I'm not sure what things will turn out tomorrow or might be they will end up breaking all my limits.
    I'm trying so that I can be normal, but I can't stop making me feel I'm weak. I still keep the hope that when I will come out of this I will be little more strong by mind and spirit and more weak by heart .

    #hour_on_him

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    To,
    _ _ _ _ _

    “Heart beats , with tones of love?"
    I smirk on this question
    And do you still glow listening it?
    I point at several destination to find the answer
    And end laughs at me as the OLD JUNCTION,
    I survive and die at same playback of junction
    Where we met each other for first time ,
    With addiction of innocent love sight.

    Whenever will meet for next time to dig out the voids of lost place,
    Promise me, you will kiss me right at place I called my courage and people named it as mistake.
    It was love , I still consider, I still fall,
    might be you will ask me someday to meet as loops of delicate smile on your face
    Will you?

    There is fragile glass of cold water in front of me always when I remember you.
    No, the glass isn't fragile I guess,
    It's my heart and soul which
    becomes the one when you roam around my mind.
    I blush , shy, might be my happiness always stays for you.
    But sometimes I feel empty when I start thinking that, I felt the exceptional feeling ‘ love' for someone,
    Who won't be mine ever, but will stay with me as shooting star , as smile of few moments in dark sky.
    You know, I have stopped myself from reminding that my breathe doesn't count under your air,
    Cause I know my lungs will suffer to nothingness with proofs of reality.
    There will be always on it's ability to even talk.

    I will always be homesick for your presence,
    Even if you will be racing in blood drops in my veins in my heart,
    My lips will stay loyal with the first and last kiss you imprinted on it, though the end of kiss is just incomplete like we are.
    More than lover I see a innocent kid in you,
    To whom I wanted to embrace for whole life,
    But it's truly said,
    “ few dreams are just remains the dreams".

    Yours truly,
    _______ :')

    चाहूल लागली होती,
    स्पर्श हा काही नवा नव्हता,
    प्रेम फुलता फुलता
    रातराणी आली आणि अलगद मला पाहून गेली,
    तुझ्या साठी प्रेमाचे रंग बांधता बांधता ही पहाट आली.
    सूर काही खुले नाही पण पाहता पाहता माझे मन फुले.

    तुला माहित आहे का?
    कविता ही नेहमी शब्दांनी नाही लिहली जात,
    कधी सूर्य, कधी तारे , कधी तू ,
    आणि तुझे रिमझिम पावसासारखे तुझे प्रेम.
    तुझे नाव रोज लिहते कधी अश्रू सोबत कधी चंद्रकुरणान सोबत,
    तुझ्या आठवणीत मी अशीच राहू का?
    आयुष्य किती सोपे होईल ना!

    माझ्या ओटी तुझे नाव ,
    हा एक प्रश्न होता सर्वान साठी,
    पण आता असे वाटते तूच उत्तर आहे,
    प्रत्येक क्षणाचे !.

    तुझे स्वप्न देखील पाहिले
    पण जेव्हा कधी त्यांना मिठी मारायचा प्रयत्न करते,
    का मी स्वतःला हरवून बसते?
    प्रेमात प्रेमाचे अनेक रूप असतात असे म्हटले जाते हाती स्पर्श केला तरच ते खुलून नाहीयेत
    कधीकधी या दुराव्याच्या स्पर्शाला शांततेची ओढ असते
    म्हणून विचार करते शांत बसून राहू अशीच गप गुमान रंगीबेरंगी प्रेमाच्या पावसात आपल्या प्रेमाच्या होड्या प्रत्येक वर्षी माझ्या आयुष्याच्या घरी तुला साजरे करू.



    Ps :You and I are safe in me,
    This are last words to you not ‘us'

    Someday if I feel, I will keep adding things to it

    ©_still_in_mess

  • _still_in_mess 50w

    5TH JANUARY 2019|| ᴘᴀɢᴇ ��

    "Kabhi Waqt Ke Saath sab theek Nahi sab khatam ho jata hai." Have you heard this line?
    Sorry, I forgot you are the same person who explained these lines by words as well as in reality. You know life has been completely different in means of survival as well as in emotional phases after our boat of love drowned from your side. Yeah, it's rightly said that the balance should be from both sides to make anything float in the river of one's life. One-sided things can eat up the pain to make survival strong.

    ����������, ��ℎ���� �� ���������� ���� ���� �������� ������ ������ ���������� ���� ℎ�������� �������� ������ℎ ����������������. ������ ���� �������� ������ ��ℎ���� ��ℎ���� ℎ�������� ���� �������� ���������� �������� ������ ����'�� �������������� ������ ������ ���� ℎ������ ��ℎ���� �������������� ������ �������� �������� ������ ������ ����, ‘ ������ ������ ��������?'.���������� ����, ���� �������� ���������� ������������ ������ ���� �������� �������� ������ �������� ������ ���������� ℎ������ �������� ������, ������ �������������� ����, �������� ������ ���������������� ���� �������� �������� �������� ���� ������������ �������� ��ℎ�� �������������������� ���� ‘������'.

    I don't know how people define love with the creativity of literature through words, but I guess somewhere down the line art is the pain of reality that makes you depict creativeness in different colors, I know you will agree with my statement as an artist?.
    Yesterday when dad asked me to call at your place, I was captured in the hit of flashback when I use to wait for days and months for just that one ring of a call from your side. You remember we both making lanterns out of paper for Diwali when you came to my place on vacation. That sight of you and me lightening home with numerous diya's and lanterns makes a roof of happiness when crackers of reality burst around and sound just blooms out as tears. I still sit near that telephone table that someday you will call up just to tell, ‘everything will be okay.". Just the thought that my sun of love has drowned at the horizon and will never rise again is the only pain, I'm living with. Can I ask you one question, Do you still wait for me to pick up the call, or while decorating home during Diwali or you are also like me still in mess?


    (To be continued...)

    ~ Naina

    ©_still_in_mess

    #hour_on_him

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  • _still_in_mess 53w

    4TH JANUARY 2019 || ᴘᴀɢᴇ 3

    To the one who holds my stars,

    If you read it until this I hope you will read it further, you will? right. Accha listen do you remember the first time our heartstrings clicked,  We were too young, to know the
    terminology ‘love', but kind enough to handle the emotion-replicating innocence. I was 8 years old and you 11, yeah we were too tender na! *laughs*

    ���� ��������'�� �������� ���� ������ �������� ������ �������������������� ������������ ��ℎ���� �������� ������ℎ�� ���� �������� ������ ℎ������������������. ��ℎ�� ���������� �������� ��ℎ���� ���� �������� ������ℎ�� ��������ℎ�� ������, ������ ℎ���� ���������� ���� �������� �������� ������ ����, ���������� ���������������� ���� ������ ℎ������ ���� ���� ���������� ��ℎ������ �������������� ������ ������������ ���� ���������� ���������������� ������ ℎ���� ���������� ���� �������� ��������. �� ���������� ���������������� ��ℎ�� ������ ������ �������� ���� ���� ���� ℎ������ ������ ℎ���������� ���� ������ ��ℎ������ ��ℎ�� ������ ������������������ ������ ���������������� ���� ����������. ��ℎ���� �� ���������� ������, ‘��ℎ�� ������ ������ ����������?'.Y���� ��������, “ ������ℎ������, �� ���������� �������� ������������������ �������������� ���� ��������", ������ ��ℎ�� �������������� ������ℎ �������� ������ ������'�� �������� �������������� �������� ������ ����������������. ������ �������� ��ℎ�� ���� ���������� ��������ℎ ���� ������������ℎ�� ������ ���� �� ������. ��������������, �� ℎ���� ������������ ��ℎ���� ��ℎ���� �� ������ ���� ������������ ������ ℎ������ ���� �������� ���� �������� ��������, ��ℎ���� ������ ����������ℎ������ ℎ���� ‘������' ���� ‘ ����'.

    You know I didn't feel the pain much but got the sign from the life that you are someone precious to me just like my parents. When I look back at that moment, they are a relief on my tired face thanking life as it gave me some moments to capture in my album named 'MYSELF.' I wish I could collect those pearls called tears of your eyes as the first sign of our love and keep them safe for my entire survival, I just wish. I wish there could be a rewind button to our life, I could really love to relive those moments,but you know “ I just wish".

    (To be continued...)

    ~Naina

    ©_still_in_mess

    #hour_on_him

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  • _still_in_mess 54w

    ������, �������������� �������� || �������� ��

    Sometimes everything scares me, when something goes wrong, the mess becomes more than what I am. My mind gets numb, thinking about how "we" changed. Why am I still in mess remembering you? I don't know the answer, if I find the words to express I will try reading it out loud for you. Furthermore, I hope you will hear my sour words.Nevertheless, as you say 'life goes on', these words echo in my ears every time & my mind stops thinking about the chaos.

    ���� ��ℎ�� ������, ������ ������ ������? �� ℎ������ ������ ������ �������� ������ℎ ��ℎ���� �������� ��ℎ�������� ����������, ��ℎ����ℎ ������ ���� ��������ℎ ���� ���������� ������������ �������� ��ℎ���� ���� �������� �������� ������ ������ℎ ����������, ���������������� �������������� ������ℎ��? �� ������ℎ ��ℎ���� ������ ������ ���������� ��ℎ�� �������� ������������ �������� �������������� ��ℎ�� ������ ���������� ���� �������� ���� �������� ������������? ���������������� ���������� �������� �������� ������ ������������, ��ℎ������ ���������� ������ ���������� ��ℎ�������������� ��ℎ�� ��������ℎ ���� ���� ��������. �� ���� ������ ℎ������ ������ℎ ���� ������ ��ℎ������ ��������, ������ ��ℎ���� ���� ��������ℎ�������� �������� ��ℎ������ ������������ ������������, ���� ���������� ���� ℎ��������, �������� ��ℎ�� �������� ���� ���� ������������ ������ ��ℎ�� ���������� �������� �� ℎ�������� ������.

    I won't lie but I truly miss you, I miss being myself in the first place. You know, whenever I sit near my balcony with a teacup.I remember the memories we shared .‘WE' -you, me, and tea...
    “How everything changed in a fraction of a second? ". Again this question hits my corners of free-reflection and starts irritating to find myself in anger or frustrating loops. I don't know whether you will knock on my door again or not, but trust me, my door will be always open for you. I know, I no more possess the right to make you hold my hand beside me and I won't ever ask you to do so, but when the world will close its doors for you I will be still there at the end to hold your tears.

    ( To be continued..)

    ~Naina


    ©_still_in_mess


    #hour_on_him

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  • _still_in_mess 54w

    ������, �������������� �������� || �������� 1

    To the one who holds my stars,

    It's long I wrote anything about what I feel I guess a year ago,
    I wrote a poem, that made me smile when we met for the last time with shades of gray sunset of our life. It's difficult for me to raise my words again. But every day when I go to bed at the end of the day a strange feeling irritates me and breakdown my thought process, So today my stubborn mind finally made the courage and opened the notepad to write 'us.'

    Tell me how happy yard and black shadow are strangers on the same road, are not they?I believe. So are me and you but the road is difficult to pass by on our paths called ‘LOVE.' I wanted to write out how memories of December give me goosebumps, turn my eyes into tears, just tears and heart freeze up threatening injuries, I trusted page to write out you. I know you will not read it ever, nor do I want you to. However, someday accidentally if you read it I hope you will find some ashes of our love in this letter and 'us' on my feed with complex depth in words...People say I write beautiful, and it becomes difficult for me, make them understand it's you who is adorable, not my ink?

    Naina.

    (To be continued..)

    ©_still_in_mess


    #hour_on_him

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  • _still_in_mess 54w

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