#guilt

1250 posts
  • _writer_at_heart_ 3h

    Past and punishment

    What's the whole point to regret, when what we did was according to 'the then person' we used to be ?
    What's the whole point to regret in order to punish oneself and live in adversity, when what's gone is past and past can not be revert through any switch ?
    What's the whole point to regret and feel guilt or sadness from the bottom of your heart, when now you know what could have been done rightly ?
    Were you perfect since birth and expect yourself to commit nothing wrong and act always flawlessly and wisely ?
    Regret for a lot of reasons,
    And ofcourse we must.
    But once you are done ,
    Stop being a slave of it anymore then ;
    As you ought to welcome your new version,
    who learned and experienced from it, atleast something!

    Pondering over past and taking lesson from it is all right but ;
    dwelling in past,
    residing in the cage of regrets, failure, sadness or anything that holds you back, is making you its slave and not a warrior.
    ©_writer_at_heart_

  • cherish312 2d

    TRY

    I would rather fail 100 times,
    Than facing the guilt of not trying it.
    ©cherish312

  • cherish312 2d

    Guilt

    For so long, I thought God punished me
    When I did wrong
    But today I realized , It was the guilt
    inside me that was punishing me and
    God was the reason,I could
    Overcome my guilt.
    ©cherish312

  • anonym_o 4d

    On those days where I felt misery and no hope
    The thought of only you would help me cope..
    You are the one I could always willingly trust
    Thought we always belonged in an sacred tryst..
    Guilt and remorse took over my nights
    My heart so dark, nothing ever excites..
    It heals nothing, but I want to let you know thyself
    I never stopped loving you, I stopped loving myself..
    ©anonym_o

  • __moonlight__ 1w

    Sanity and Guilt

    My Mind says no
    My heart says yes
    Its a battle going on
    between the Beast And The Best
    Whom shall I listen to
    while choosing the right path?
    Oh God
    Is it a battle between my Sanity
    And my guilty conscience?
    ©__moonlight__ ♡

  • thegreatpotato_ 2w

    Guilt

    "Sadness, anger, happiness,
    All emotions torment me,
    But nothing like jealousy and guilt.
    Guilt, the pain that means I know what I did wrong,
    And jealousy,
    The pain and hatred that comes when I look at her with you.
    And again guilt,
    Because I know it was my fault."

  • shiyustar 2w

    I adore you I'm fire on you you can only change your smile into bliss yearly once moon changing color I'm human y not! It was like guilt when I started to change I'm not in my mind others colonized my mind and I become own slave of mine it's okay some reveloution starts from within
    ©shiyustar

  • slaughtered_heart 3w

    I kept blaming myself that I wasn't good enough everytime people I cared about betrayed me, I kept breaking myself
    so that they can walk away as complete.
    I kept putting myself in the filth so that
    they can live clean, I kept everything behind
    so I can have them in the front... Now I see the truth, it was my fault all along, I would have thought about myself at least a little bit.


    ©slaughtered_heart

  • rachanarithu 3w

    Demons of Pandemic and beyond.

    Will I ever get to see the people I love, one more time ?


    TW: Sexual Abuse, Covid, Mental Health Conditions, Death


    I remember the last time I asked this question to myself.  It was 4 years ago in a far away land where I was forcefully confined to a house during an abusive relationship. Getting physically and mentally abused by someone you trusted is an excruciating pain and to wake up the next day, to prepare food for the same person and pretend like nothing happened until it happens all over again the same evening, is just every description of hell in reality.

    Every single day the torture only increased and over the days, the question turned to a belief that, "I will not get to see anyone else, ever again". Infact if not for a universal intervention and my sister, I wouldn't have been alive to tell the tale.

    I got a second chance at life then in the form of my sister who helped me escape, get help and restart from scratch.  Yet, that incident left  long lasting impact in the form of multiple severe mental health conditions, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and mild OCD.

    After changing multiple jobs, places and medications, things were finally  taking a positive turn when I landed a job that I really liked, a super supportive team, psychotherapy and also found alternate effective cure for my condition in Ayurveda. I tried to convince myself that may be just maybe, things might change. While medications and psychotherapy helped, I was supposed to stay away from triggers that would set off panic / anxiety attacks, which if gets worse could end up in me collapsing completely.  While there were many minor triggers, few major ones were good enough to start off major panic attacks, like being  in confined spaces, bound to home for prolonged periods without physically interacting with others, sounds of nadaswaram (musical instruments used in the south Indian weddings), sudden power cuts in the night and so on. I tried my best to stay away from triggers and things were actually getting better.


    Then Covid happened, I was confined to my home in the city, isolated into one of my worst triggers.  With the help of some  very  generous friends, I survived last lockdown, where I had multiple panic attacks and hospitalizations since I lost consciousness as a consequence. 

    This year lockdown is even worse, cases are rising like hell and people  I know or people in general are dying on a daily basis.  Amidst all this asking friends to come over for even emergency makes me feel guilty, can't visit hospitals as they are over occupied already with Covid cases and so on.


    Nights and darkness come along with horrible memories of the past, nightmares brings back vivid details of the trauma that happened, time crawls by in the night, where I stay awake counting seconds till the morning rays strike through my window, assuring some level of safety and may be just may be few minutes of uninterrupted sleep.


    Along with all that,  I haven't seen my mother or grandparents since February 2020, my sister or my brother since before that and by the way things are going on, I don't know if we will ever get to see each other in person anymore. I live in constant anxiety of something happening to my mother who is yet waiting to getting to get her slot for vaccination, my grandparents who can't be vaccinated due to co-morbidities,  because of which, me travelling all the way to them without getting vaccinated can be risky too. I have no freaking clue what will happen if I go down with Covid despite every possible precautions taken.


    The anxiety of all these uncertainties and constant triggers are literally disabling, physically and mentally.

    Everyday I hope that all of us sail through this and live to tell the tale but as the days pass by, the hopes are hammered and lights at the end of the tunnel seems like a mirage. Each day getting out of bed, doing things that a normal person could do without actually even thinking is a battle for me within myself.


    Yet I try my best to breathe through, one second to another, determined to fight back as far as I can. 


    I acknowledge the privilege I have of having a home to sleep, or not being currently in an abusive household,  and am grateful for all that. I am writing this to just let out that despite the privileges, the outward appearances, the shield of projections, many people hold onto, they might be fighting unimaginably deadly demons.

    If you are one who is fighting these battles for whatsoever reasons, your pain is valid as much as all the  collective grief around. Do not feel guilty for feeling pain.


    Breathe. Hold On. One second to another.


    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about"

    ©rachanarithu

  • himaang 3w

    एहसास...

    हो हताश और निराश क्यूं.. जब सम्मान तुमने नहीं खोया है?
    क्यूं फ़िक्र करते हो बबूल की.. जब आम तुमने बोया है?
    हो गलतियां ग़र लोगों से.. तो एहसास उनको होना चाहिए..
    क्यूं रोते हो फ़िर तुम.. जब प्यार ही है.. जो तुमने पिरोया है?!

    ©himaang

  • fullstop_poet 3w

    Guilty Gods

    More sins than men,
    Guilty Gods
    have sinned.
    ©fullstop_poet

  • wifey_suicide 3w

    I Will Pay That Extra Five Dollars

    My body shakes as I manifest these thoughts inside my head, for the hundreth time today.
    Fear dripping down my face, as it slides down my cheek and soaks up into my shirt.
    As I always told myself, don't worry so much or you'll kill yourself.
    Wishing a therapist would tell me that someday.
    But instead of just high blood pressure and possibly a heart attack in the future, I can't step outside without somebody with me.
    The thoughts of just going across the street, is just haunting.
    Its not that I fear getting hit by a car, it's just a million other things, and including that actually.
    Like what happens if someone greets me or what if I fall into the road? Or what if I do get hit by a car, and they just keep going? Oooor, what if a car comes speeding down the road, slams into another car and then by impact, both cars will slam into me? Or what if... Okay... Pause.... But I can't pause, because if I do, then how would I know how to react, if that situation or the other situation, or the other situation happens?
    So may as well make the most of it, and stay inside.
    But I really need to go to the store!
    Sit.
    Outside is dangerous. We don't know what is out there.
    What could happen to us, or what kind of situation we could get into.
    Sit.
    We'll ask one of our friends or family, to come with us.
    But what if I'm being annoying or seems like I'm just using people, or what if they can't come?
    Sit.
    Chewing my nails, knowing I shouldn't have to worry like this. Palms getting moist, heartbeat rising, as it feels like I just drank three shots of espresso.
    While my leg is thumping like the rabbit in the Disney movie Bambi.
    I need to get things done today, but I can't if I can't.
    Holds breath.
    What happens if I don't get anything done? I will look like a slob, I will look like I don't care about my household, I will look like I'm mentally incapable when in reality I know I am better than this, but I know if I don't get anything done, I'm just an embarrassment to others as I am to myself, and if I don't go to the store for soap, my dishes won't be clean and when they're not clean, then take out it is. I won't even need to acknowledge the delivery person's existence, if I pay with card.
    Card it is!
    Pizza or Chinese? GrubHub or Doordash?
    Funny enough, high delivery fees are nothing when you have anxiety like me.
    I will pay that extra five dollars, just so I don't have to go outside.
    I will pay that extra nine dollars, just so I don't get hit by a car.
    I will pay that extra sixteen dollars, just so I don't get into an accident.
    I will pay just about anything, just so I can avoid any possible harm to myself.
    ©wifey_suicide

  • aquaguppy 4w

    Her soul was tainted
    defiled with a Pang of remorse
    for she had hurt the ones
    whom she treasured the most
    And endorsed brainless things
    To tear their lives apart.
    ©aquaguppy

  • piage8 4w

    When things are falling apart
    Please don't fall along with it
    Take a moment and step back
    Look at the pieces in a better sense
    Than when it was all up in your face

    Take a breath from a different wind
    Not from air suffocating the engine in your mind
    Rest the words that's been bursting in your lungs
    When it's to loud to speak then find your silence

    There is no problem left unsolvable
    Just a problem being viewed in the wrong angle
    There is nothing broken with any of us
    Just the difference too natural to unravel

  • madnaw 4w

    Love is the ultimate mask for pity, guilt, and greed
    ©madnaw

  • lifenotes_saloni 5w

    "Guilt is the first step for improvement"
    ©lifenotes_saloni

  • apoeticme 6w

    Guilt

    How come that you never leave our life,
    Existing like a scar at our conscience
    This all is the thing of our past
    But why this past always brings alas.


    No matter how hard we try
    We just can't get rid of our dark and horrible side
    No matter how badly somebody consoles and deeply assures it just can't be
    Cured

    We know that's it's just a buried
    Thought of mine
    Although this all has passed
    But we still felt the presence of it's arise

    Nothing will change
    Since it's already happened
    But we can try
    To never do a thing like that twice
    For not having any regret for
    the rest of our life.

    ✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️✍️��️
    @apoeticme

    @writersnetwork @mirakee #guilt

    Read More

    ©apoeticme

  • uduli_ 6w

    Loser's scream...

    Ocean of despair ; drown me
    Flames of agony ; burn me
    Needles of remorse ; pierce me
    Why am I still alive...?
    My inner demons ; kill me....
    ©uduli_

  • deerfuture 6w

    You never know

    The worries
    The deep thoughts,
    The harsh realities,
    The truth,

    Soak us wet
    In the rain of
    Anger, sadness, guilt
    Or is it simply pain?

    We get someone
    To share it with,
    With whom you
    Are comfortable with...

    Trust the timing
    And pass it on,
    You Never know,
    Someone is waiting for you
    To move on
    ©deerfuture

  • rasheederh 6w

    I sag in the woven shades
    Of your love and drown in my
    Expectations.

    And I felt my guilt
    Slither away in the memories of
    What you promise not to be.


    @mirakee@writersnetwork@anirockz7
    #expectation#guilt#memories.

    Read More

    I sag in the woven shades
    Of your love and drown in my
    Expectations.

    And I felt my guilt
    Slither away in the memories of
    What you promise not to be
    .
    © Rasheederh
    4/05/2021