Today Is A Good Day
Today is a good day. Nothing went wrong. As long as I don't think about the numbness. Restlessness. The itchy feeling of choking on a glitch. Or the inadequacy. Today is a perfect day. I only thought of unaliving myself maybe a few hundred thousand times. And those silly little intrusive thoughts only came up with a hundred and one easy ways to go bye-bye forever.
Today could have been a good day. I'm really tired; I didn't do anything except wallow around and slowly revert back into my childhood trauma responses, BUT I am so tired. My body aches in random places and I don't think I'm sad but I am sad but what if I am not and I'm just faking it but why would I be faking it for who and for why when I'm all alone but what if I'm faking it alone now so it's more believable when others are around??? But why and how...can I make it stop?
Today was a perfect day. A perfectly normal day. A perfectly, normally bland day of hiding in TikTok and dying inside. I don't know why I said dying. Sometimes certain words just gives my brain this burst of something, even if it don't fit. Today was a ✨good✨ day.