When someone hurts me, I end up hurting myself even more, by staying silent, and over thinking about it. Somehow, I don't fight back. I don't shout. I just feel so bad, just so-so bloody bad. It makes me go crazy, but I don't show it. I breathe in all that hurt and allow it to consume me from the inside. I will spend hours and hours of night just thinking about what made that person say such things to me. Do I mean anything to that person? Did I do something wrong? Why is it effecting me so much? Why doesn't the other person even care? And amidst this cyclone of emotional turmoil, I won't ask these questions to that person. I would just wait for that person to show some care, some concern. And when that person doesn't listen to my silent scream in our dull conversations, I get more mad. I feel more hurt. And then, I just want to run away. I know it's wrong. I know I only make it worse for myself. But I want people to care for me like that. So much care that I won't need to tell them when and why I'm hurting. You know why? Because I do care and love like that. I want someone with same heart, same soul..
Distance never separates two heart that really care. Distance is just a test of how far Love can travel. True love doesn't mean inseparable, it means being separated and nothing changes. Love is the state of enlightenment and enlightenment is the state of love. You can't make any separation between them. Enlightenment is the state of no feeling and pure knowledge and so is love. Love is like permanent glue which sticks two souls and they can't be separated. Souls are immortal and so is love. When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, no one can tear them apart. Distance means so little when someone means so much.❤️
I have stopped feeling sorry for not being good enough. I am tired of the subtle emotional blackmailing, the taunts. Look, I'm like this, Okay? I'm totally this person. I have my mood swings. I have my madness. I can be rude as hell. And honestly, at times I just don't care. Sometimes, the shit in my life goes so bad that keeping you happy totally skips my brain and heart. I am sorry for hurting you, but I'm not on a mission to take care of anyone or to make someone happy, all the time. Sorry, I have a life of my own, a bloody messed up life, and I want to focus on that. If you are okay with how I am, then please stay. If you think I am not worth the trouble, then please leave. I am sure that we can live without each other, just fine. Just please stop making me feel sorry for the things that I don't even do. I am sick of being blamed for so many things. I don't want to trouble anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone. I am tired. Just leave me alone, please..
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