LOST AND FOUND: Fair, Feral Feline
You would not have found my face on a flier stapled to a pole on some road somewhere...
Or on the side of a milk carton.
But you should've...
No one was looking for me though.
No one wanted me.
I was so lost when he found me.
I knew I had made a wrong turn or two. But I had no idea how lost I actually was.
I was dirty. From the inside out. Unkept. Malnourished.
I hadn't had a bath in God knows how long.
. .I mean actually HAD and ENJOYED a bath.
Felt the warm water soothe my muscles and wash my bad days away.
I tried to act like I knew where I was and that I was fine.
He saw right through it.
He took me in. Kept me warm.
I could not remember the last time I had eaten.
I could never find food wandering in the dark.
I would always wait for the sun to come out, but it never did.
It was like I fell asleep one night and just never woke up. And the nightmare never ended.
I kept asking myself why he would want to help me.
I was a feline on my ninth life, and I had come to terms with it at that point.
Afraid to live.
No longer a spunky cat that climbed trees.
No twinkle in my eye.
No more did I sunbathe and watch the birds fly high.
To be blunt and honest, I was waiting to die.
I was timid when I saw him at first. But I could tell his intentions were good.
I thought to myself I didn't have anything to lose.
The smallest little piece of me thought an angel had crossed my path.
I had lost hope on that ever happening long ago.
Just maybe ...
I was saved?
I just couldnt believe someone wanted to help me find "home "
He made sure I ate good.
He would rub me at night.
I had forgotten how good it felt to actually purr.
I had been in the wild for so long...never again did I think I'd be dreaming dreams in a cozy bed.
Not that leaves and mulch couldn't be cozy, but I didn't miss it.
And to think I always clowned on them domesticated kitty cats.
I felt like a lucky dog.
But you see, I had been in the wild for so long, it had somehow become part of me.
Feline so fair, yet with a feral side.
I had it so good, but I shamefully found myself longing for that sense of freedom the came with the wild.
My heart had become so full, and these thoughts world come.... And they ruined everything.
And here I find myself wandering in the dark again.
He just wanted to give me a home.
He showed me that a filthy alley cat could be loved again.
I had felt lovable for the first time since I could remember.
I was mistaken.
I knew nothing of freedom.
I was only just learning what love was.
and what it felt like to actually be loved.
I had never felt anything like it.
It was almost scary.
More scary than the wild could be.
Scaredy cat... that I was...
And now here I am...
The darkness I find myself roaming in once again is not freedom.
Only the strong survive out here in the wild.
Winters coming; it's already gotten so cold.
There's not enough shelter for us all out here in the wild.
If only I hadn't acted like such a child.
Sometimes I wonder if he misses me and our night time cuddles.
Does he look for me?
Did he stapled my picture on a pole on a street somewhere?
I miss how he'd give me those saucers of milk...
All I know is that this is my ninth life. My last life.
And I hope I can feel that feeling of home again before it's over.
In the meantime, I will nestle in this mulch and leaves and find comfort.
I will pretend....
and reminisce on a happy time that I'm so very grateful to have had... no matter what.