Your hostile actions, Your critical glare, All a facade and I know it in my veins; But tell me for once, Even in your deepest thoughts, Do you still blame me for your deeds? Am I the villain to be cursed for these happenings?
Hiding the silent nights where she cried, As her heart broke and shattered on the inside, She stood up tall when the sun shone bright As though she hadn't cried the whole night, Casing the scars and wiping the tears, She stepped out in the light whispering all the prayers, Asking God to give her strength to maintain this facade, And face the world as if she isn't flawed, She smiled, greeting her family and friends, Who weren't aware of the sadness that she piles, As she noticed one of her friends was out of character for the day, She went up and said "It's okay, everything's going to be fine, the sadness isn't here to stay, it will eventually go away.", As she said the words aloud, She realised how untrue they sound, As her friend yelled "What would you know about pain? You're always so happy and full of life. I wish I was lucky like you.", She smiled as her demons woke up and were ready for a fight, waiting in a queue.
“Do you think you’d want to go out today?” His mother gently asked He opened one eye and tried to focus While she gently stroked his facade
“I don’t want to , you know that “, He snapped and turned his face to the other side Then heard a gentle sigh and a gentle click And knew that his mother had gone back to her daily life
Inconsolable he had been for a while Oh that was two long years ago Wasteful his brain , body , life felt Of faded memories ,unwilling to let go.
“Today I will not remain inert”, he thought I have to prove I listened to her today I will spend today being there for her instead Like she’s been for ever since that dreadful day .
He bathed and dressed , cleaned up his room And knew inside that he’d never felt better His mother was glad, he’d finally bounced back In her gentle heart she felt a gentle flutter
While they talked the day slowly drew to an end Mother and son hadn’t realised it’d been so long For since his father had passed her son had been Unconsolable, desolate and forlorn
They parted ways, he to his room and she to hers She smiled thinking what a day it had been He too smiled as he shut his door Feeling, finally alive again .
When came the dawn, she came smilingly to awaken her son Gently opened his door, like she did each day And found him sitting on his chair with both wrists slit And a note “I was not idle today”.
P.S: schlep- haul or carry (something heavy or awkward).
So many people keep suffering depression internally without voicing what they should to family and friends - sometimes out of fear of judgement, sometimes just simply to internalise the pain and trauma they feel. If you are one such individual, please know that you are not alone. You don’t need to suffer alone. Talk about your depression and thoughts to friends and seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with being depressed- it can happen to the best of us. There is nothing wrong with medicines and guidance. Counselling can totally change your life’s direction. But don’t give into the social stigma created around mental health . Look after yourself today, seek help today!
If you are family or friend to someone suffering from depression, learn to be more compassionate. Depression often presents as anger. Not all people who are depressed look mopey and sad. The face of depression is often a happy one because people suffering from it learn to cover their emotions very well as present a facade of well being and of everything being ok. If you sense a change or feel something is off , it usually is . Always lend a shoulder, an ear whatever is required of you. Be there. Listen ! Simply listen. Sometimes that itself unburdens a person and lightens the emotional load they are carting around. Remember it could’ve been you instead of them. Do what you would’ve expected of them if it were you. Show empathy and show up when it is needed.
Depression is curable. Depression is not a permanent disease. Please respond in an appropriate manner to anyone who shows the signs of depression.
Are we the people we claim to be ? Are we willing to let go of the Facade we create to move On in life ? How deep are our Own concealments? Are they enough To create a completely different Visage or merely to cover up the Unseemly disastrous people We really are ? Two versions of The same person - the brighter, Perkier, happier versions we want To be seen as, to project to the world Versus the lesser versions we are In reality. Sometimes it seems some Remnants of the real us peak through The smooth layers of paint making Us pentimenti . The challenge of Course really is how many layers of Paint are required to shield the Reality, the real person even if just On the surface. Why do the bubbles Of truth burst once they reach the Surface of the water ? They do Because in travelling up they lose The strength to fight the environment Of the outside world no matter how Hard they try and show up on the Surface. The truth never outs and Thus we are able to maintain our Facades - the pentimento. Shakespeare had once said “truth Will come to light ”.... but does it ? Isn’t it better buried and forgotten ? Are we really seeking out the truth ? Can someone ever be completely Understood? Do we really want to be understood or are we cocooned in The warmth of our multiple selves, Our hidden intentions? We are A strange breed - we want the truth, We supposedly seek the truth but are Unwilling to let others see the truth of Our own selves thereby revealing Ourselves to them. What if the reality Is not the person they wanted to see- What if the real us is lesser , much Lesser than our projected selves ? People who do this- which of course Includes all of us, like the comfort of Living in the shadows , lurking near The mucky bedrock of lies and Deceit..... a place that both protects And safeguards the darkest secret Of all- we aren’t and never will be enough For our own selves, in our own eyes.... And this pretence will never be Lifted lest we actually find ourselves, Meet ourselves one day - from the Depths of the smoke and shadows .