#empathmind

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  • angels_halo_shines 4d

    Show us the Way

    I guess now you see I'm not so good at saying goodbye. I knew that each time we saw you it could have been the last time. I fought that battle within. I saw the Hell you went through, the Hell you fought through. Knowing none of it was easy. Not many could have been as strong as you were. We always think we have so much time. We will see you next week. Or see you this Friday. I was never told you wanted to stop dialysis. Maybe cuz you knew I would have broke down. I would have, but then I would have understood why. When dialysis started back in 2017 you kept saying I won't live past a year on this. 2018 came and went. As did 2019- 2020 we were not allowed to speak to you, and here we are now. You told me Molly apologized, sincerely. She still doesn't answer me. Her brother came in from Kansas just to spend a bit of time to make sure I was ok. I could not have asked for a better son. He knows me better than I know my self. I have a support system, that consists of 2 of my 4 children. And a couple of friends. That's all I really need. No one really knows what to say now.
    Lynn told Lilly & I that we can mourn your death, or we can celebrate your life. We choose to celebrate your life. As that's what you want. You are missed by many. Mom do want I said, shine through for us. Even though you never wanted to believe, you see now. Shine through so we can have a glimpse of of you on the worst of our days. Life down here won't stop. You will see from your view, what I mean. I love you mom. And I can't say goodbye, because you're still here. With us. Showing us the way. I love you.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    Blinded

    One stroke at a time, I watch the clock
    Going around & around
    Nonstop.

    One stroke at a time I see the point
    Time keeps us going day in day out
    Deadlines.

    One stroke at a time I look about
    I see & feel what others miss
    Observance.

    One stroke at a time we never know
    We are about to take our last breath
    Blinded.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    For my son, Brian Jr. but to me he will always be my Bub. As I write this tears dripping down, I realize how blessed I am. For my kids, they picked me to be there mom. (That’s what is said, I didn’t know until recently.) I am blessed.

    #empath #empathmind #ceesreposts #writersnetwork #bully #stopbullying #blessed

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    Impressionable World
    (part 2)


    My last post was written in a twisted sick plot almost brought upon my son. He was bullied, for just being himself. Cuz he doesn’t know how to be anyone else. The other kid snatched his phone from him during school. The other kid didn’t get enough I guess during that incident. So, he went to his house, took out his gun, loaded & with back up ammunition. He then was on his way to find my son. And Thank you God my son was a young man that stayed in the house, cuz who even knows if he had been out and crossed paths with that boy.

    That same boy got stopped by our local police enforcement. During the time the police searched him they found the gun, loaded and more ammunition. And the boy said he was on his way to find my son. There was a court date and my son had to attend. At that time he was 15, so for the next 3 years there was a restraining order issued. For the other boy to stay away from my son.

    It’s been 4 years. I was looking on our clerk of courts website, I came across that same boy. I could see the hatred in his eyes. The hatred that burns it you look too long. He is a 19 year old black American young man, serving 60 years to life. He has 1st degree murder charges, manslaughter charges and others. I sat in silence as I thought to myself, I knew that boy would have done what had intended to do that day. And I just thank God it was stopped. Because in a matter of seconds who even knows. I still have my son, I am thankful. I am blessed. We all are. He’s a big teddy bear with big brown eyes, so full of curiosity and drive to do better. For himself and those around him.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    Impressionable World
    (Part 1)


    Too many fake personable expressionistic narcissistically characteristics in close proximity.
    Unbearable to me almost always.
    I have to the old, gotta remove myself from it all. Immediately. That’s never fast enough, unfortunately. To be impressionable, why isn’t being yourself enough? Why put a mask on, for people to see a characteristic of your choosing, version of you? I see this in many people, unfortunately. Hiding your most unique ideas & pleasures mostly because you are afraid of the judgement being passed.
    So what. I say let them pass their judgement. It shows there empty personalities & narcissistic madness going on inside their minds. All they know is how to flip on a button for their mask mode.

    It must be a simplistically rationalization for them. It isn’t for me.
    I won’t ever understand it. Masking mode, it’s not for me. I don’t know how to be anything else but myself at all times. We all have our characteristic traits. The ones that define us. The ones that make us our unique selves. Uniquely us. In a world that is so fast to throw judgements on another being. Some push & push more until a small child can’t tolerate anymore. As they were as tolerant as they could have been given the circumstances. Imagine being bullied & bullied until you wanted to die. I wonder how those children are raised.
    Maybe in a home where judgement day was every day for them. So hey we can take it out on someone else just like dad does me. That’s not who they are. That’s who they have become. A learned behavior. Hiding behind a mask to bully another being.

    When does bullied get their chance? Because they are who they are. There are no masks available. See they were not raised to hide behind who they aren’t. They are who they are. Period.
    So be it. I mean if others can’t deal with it, just leave them be. It’s so very simplistic a young child can understand. We have teenagers & young adults bullying the innocent & vulnerable. Just so they can feel better about themselves. I mean I guess. Then they go home to the alcoholic dad, that then bullies them. Night after night, day after day. Intoxicated, ferocious, subsequently attacking behaviors. Such behaviors lead to self hate & a need for control. To control all they can because without it they feel powerless. A hatred built off their own fear, but seeming superior & almost grandiose.
    Nobody knows what goes on inside a childs mind when treated that way. Most can speculate. Some may know but too afraid to speak up. Keep that in mind next time you feel the need to bully someone. That it could be you on the other side of that fence. How much could you take? As much as you have given of yourself? I know that answer but I will let you ponder on that. Bullying is ignorance. Just because it was taught to you doesn’t mean you do onto others. Make it end. Do get help, someone will listen to you.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    The curse of the family of depression that went on for centuries before me
    I couldn’t break the pattern.
    For I became part of it, tripping over my own depression. Claiming it was easy. Disowning it wasn’t for the weak or sting minded. Seems there was no escape. As the patterns have been enclosed in our blood. Locked & sealed. Patterns are meant to be broken, just not this one. It runs too deep. There was no escape.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    Her Madness

    Her eyes look like unheard stories, such stories if you listen closely her eyes will speak to you. Deep in her eyes was a storage of infinite strength. Her deep brown eyes told stories she could never recall. As her eyes witnessed a lifetime of pain, regret & heartache. So many broken promises broke her down. It took so much for her to trust because she learned nobody’s word is as good as they portray it to be. Her bravery came natural. As she treaded through life as the madness around her got out of control. She had a madness inside of her. A madness eating her alive. Day after day. Told not to dwell. She knew it was time. Her time. To finalize her madness. Conclusions never came easy as she went through every possible outcome in her mind. This outcome changed everything. Her bravery took her anywhere. Her madness fed her theories that people never stayed long. She learned to do well on her own. And that’s all she ever knew, that was enough for her. She was found happiness in no fear of being left or lonely, because being alone was the best way for her. No more madness. No more fears of letting go. She had herself, that’s how she stayed. Alone & free from pain.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    What is yellow?

    The last song you ever sang to me, singing to me who I was, I just didn’t know then.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 1w

    EVERYTHING

    Many thoughts cloud my mind
    The maddening ways of the world
    The shape it’s in, is all but pleasant
    We need unity, more than ever
    I wonder what that will entail
    How many more lives need taken
    There needs to be a mass awakening
    People of every country
    All cultural backgrounds
    No one is better than you or I
    We are all of equality
    No one is any less of a human
    Everyone breathes the same
    Many are treated less than human
    It leaves a bad taste in my mouth
    So frustrating to know it happens
    More than we even know
    There has to be a way to unify
    Maybe the constant control
    Their power is taken to the next level
    To basically let us kill to be killed
    With no cares of how or why
    Just left for dead
    Children are being traded
    Treated as it they are animals
    It’s demeaning the land of the free
    Now days just isn’t free at all
    Everything comes with a cost
    EVERYTHING.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Me vs. Me

    A war cannot be won without a battle
    A war that begins inside of me has never been won without a battle.
    Me vs. Me. Actually it’s ongoing. Intuition chimes in one or four issues, my mind says another couple of thoughts. Then I’m left to battle them out. Sometimes it’s not an easy battle. I don’t win a lot of the times. So, I learned to surrender when it’s necessary. A voice loud & clear saying “This is necessary.” On repeat. Intuitive thoughts go gut deep strong persuasion. It took many years to differentiate which was who or what. Not knowing anything besides I am losing my mind. That’s exactly what it felt like. Maybe I did, get lost only to find answers. The answers no one knew. Of course, I was nuts (still am.)
    So, be it.
    Let them judge upon their thrones.
    Let them think as they will.
    Who the Hell am I to try & change their dictations? Their thoughts, their beliefs? For I am just me, trying to figure out my path as I go along. Knowing damn good & well it wasn’t going to be an easy task. Lost many people along my way. Shedding tears, shedding skin & shedding what I thought was a permanent version of me, it was never me. Those were just temporary versions of myself. It turns out I feel that all I have done, my addictions, the drinking until I threw up, it was all necessary. To become the me I am today. Without any of those doings of self sabotage I would not appreciate life today. I would not appreciate me. That’s what I had to learn, a hard lesson to learn I might add. I was always lost, or thought I was lost. I felt I was lost. I look back and think what the Hell was I thinking. Thankful I am alive. Thankful for more than words can even express. At least for now. I can’t express them now. One day they will come to me. Until then patience my dear. Just patience. Others don’t understand. They want to put me down try to put me in my place & be hard on me. What they fail to realize is that I’m the hardest & most demeaning to me. The battles I have had to overcome. The self control I had to learn. The respect for myself I had to learn. It never came natural. It is a forced behavior I had to learn. Deep down I always knew I had to do so. I just procrastinated. As long as I could, admittance to oneself. Now that looking back was rough. Through inner work through all my darkness it has been found. Turning the lights on when I do wanted to leave the light off. Self made realization, it’s a powerful source of energy. A source of energy no one can give you. Only a bit of guidance with a little hope. It was enough to get me started. I learned to dance with myself, through thoughts alone. No more battles to be won. At least not against myself. I surrendered at most vulnerable of states of mind. At the right time.
    As I always have said timing, timing is everything. The devil wanted to dance with me. The devil had his claws directly inside of me. I turned around, I took myself & ran like the wind on a cold blustery day. It was cold, it was dark but I needed to find me. See the devil gave me a starting point. To this day, it still confuses me. As to why it took the devil to lead me there. Took me by my hand & led me dancing with me in the darkness. Showed me around of the depths of Hell. Taking me to the unknown. Leading me to the most beautiful of places, one that I will never forget. One I will be forever grateful for. The devil himself walked with me within myself. Getting to know her, getting familiar with her. And that is why I’m here today. It has brought me to know myself better than I ever have. I do apologize to myself, to all involved that’s what it took. I’m glad to be alive to tell my story as best as I possibly can. Nobody has to believe me. They can twist it to make it sound worse than it was, or even better. I was there. I lived it. This is my version. I hope you can understand a little more about me. As I have learned myself.

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Well, this will be different. But, it’s all true, so when I think cinnamon this is what comes to mind.

    #writersbay #cinnamonc #cinnamongirl #empath #empathmind #ceesreposts #truestory

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    Crazy Days

    Way back in the day, I was pregnant & still working. At a local fast food place. White Castle to be exact. Which stayed open 24 hours. Known for there tiny burgers with steamed onions served with a pickle. Also they have a great cup of coffee. So, I worked there about 7 1/2 years. I got to know what many of the customers wanted as soon as they walked in the door. There were many regulars on any given day, some going to work at 4 a.m. Some leaving work, some drunks straggling in at bar rush. I worked night shift, saw a bit of everyone. Some I learned fast as soon as they walked in you had to watch them. Some drunks shouldn’t drink, they get irritated very easily. I saw someone’s head go through the glass, mind you not too far cuz the glass was about 2 inches thick. The police got called on many occasions, never showed up it didn’t matter why or what was happening.
    I was on register a lot, front or drive thru either one. Since I was pregnant that seemed the best place fitting for me. Well, there was a woman that started coming through drive thru. She always came in either with a woman or alone. And soon, IT GOT TO THE POINT TO WHERE I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT MADE HER COFFEE RIGHT. She brought me gifts, money, candy & whatever else she wanted to give me. I was friendly to everyone so I just thought it’s a customer wanting to give back. Yea, I tried to convince myself of that. I think. Soon I learned the woman beside her was her girlfriend. And then she got a little more friendlier inviting me over for dinner, it’s no problem I would be ready in time for work. She always said, they lived close by. I always came up with some excuse. Well, she would talk & talk & talk to me, until her girlfriend Sharon got mad. Later I found out she was interested in me. That is where Sharon had gotten jealous. When she started showing up during my nightly smoke breaks I knew it then. Well, I didn’t know what to do. I told my husband, well my boss did. “She is always coming in for Jessie’s coffee, she makes it the way I like it. Yea, I did nothing different than anyone else. My husband met her one night, Halloween night 2011. We had the kids trick or treating. My oldest son was a bit slower than the girls so I was walking with him up to the houses, of course. My husband, I had never seen him so frightened. I said yes that’s the woman Lilly was talking about with wanting the coffee made by me. My husband looked at me & said you didn’t say she was a full back for the Bengals. No. No I had not I left that part out. Her parents were big Neil Diamond fans, loving the song Cinnamon Girl. I learned that later they named her Cinnamon. I haven’t seen her in years. I’m sure it’s for the best. I really had no idea, until I knew. Then it was the joke, everyone thought that was too funny. Just a smiling when she would walk through the door. Jessie come make a cup of coffee. And I did it. Crazy days those were, I was a 24 year old woman on my 4th of 5 children. You just never knew what you were in for on any given night going in to work. I met wonderful people. People that talked about me serving them coffee decades later. Crazy days.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Let Go

    Life is born with so much curiosity
    A curiosity that keeps you going
    Wanting more, questioning everything
    A life in silence isn’t so good
    Gripping anything you can
    To see if there’s a hold
    If not we let it go
    Letting go is sometimes best
    It’s a difficult task, although needed
    In life we learn to grasp & let go
    Life carries on waiting on no one
    You can choose to let it flow
    Learn to let go
    Or hold on to all the bad you have ever known.
    I hope you choose to let go.
    For your peace.
    Peace within, that’s what we need most.

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    A Clearing

    Clearing my path, for a new direction can be formed by a mere thought.
    Clearing my path to remove all negativity & darkness.
    Clearing my path to simplify the direction for which I am guided.
    Clearing my path for all that remains is my peace of mind.
    Clearing my path as I know it needs clearing, I have put it off a bit too long.
    I jus hope I'm not too late.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Shimmering Hope of The Becoming

    Tried & sentenced to a life of emotional devastation. As the damage has been done, I chose to live my life & throw it all behind me. I always have known that I need to be ready for the worst. Prepared for whatever emotional state I'm given at that time. There was a constant river running through my veins, filling me with self doubt. Void of these feelings I tread upon daily. Testing the waters as I feel more confident in my abilities shredding new skin as needed. Skin I was built for. Where the blood is self made, with determination I can only imagine how I could be normal. I wasn't built for normal. I knew that when I saw the other side of another dimension. Where versions of loved ones in a state of liveliness I had never seen before.
    During that crossover I know another lifetime exists, for it will be me sending one on their way casually as the ones before had done me. Telling them they are needed elsewhere. I was never called home. I tried to force my way home that was a denied request. People question a lifetime of existing beings that is all the have passed before them.
    That's why chose to write this today. Many question the unknown, in a place filled with so much beauty, so full of youthful versions of what you knew them from in their time here. That's what it is. A life after this one does exist.
    I have seen it before, but as I told my daughter yesterday, it will forever be questioned. Unless you see it firsthand. It will be questioned. It will be shunned.
    Frowned upon do to a choice of religious beliefs made way before our time, chosen by ancestors that go back centuries. For use to abide by. For us to follow. To give a glimpse of shimmering hope. For us to question that, is a shock to most. And a forbidden subject. As it will stay that way after our lifetime. Unchanged, from the times we never knew before us. Unchanged to the lives existing after us. We face truths made for us by the ruling of the kings & queens. From a higher power than we have ever known. We learn just to believe in a higher power. For our faith. For our own well being. That's all we can do, as it is passed down generation to generation.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    ❤️Tenderly❤️

    With your words, you can do so much
    Tenderly touching all you can
    Through your love & strength
    You can inspire more
    Wise now
    only through my past did I learn to be
    Grown to love everyone I can
    Through hate others had towards me
    Taught to let it be through madness
    A certain kind of madness
    The madness I claim as my own
    Can’t ever be what others want me to
    Through many lessons, I am who I am
    That’s all I have ever asked of myself
    Some lessons repeated
    Some are learned 1 time around
    Through growth I realized I am human
    I feel what I have to tender or not
    I do my best to get through
    That’s all I know how to do
    Tender or rough here I am
    Reaching to the universe for guidance
    I also learn to trust the guidance
    As it will never guide me wrong
    That’s when I learned to trust myself
    Very hard to learn
    Possibly the hardest yet
    With that message, all is possible
    Within the limits of the universe
    There are no limits
    Just growth & learning
    So you can take it or leave it
    As I chose to take it, I am grateful.



    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 2w

    Sunday Funday

    Sunday Funday is a wonderful day of the week. A day for family. Sometimes we watch our favorite baseball/football teams. Sometimes it’s real serious. Sometimes we watch movies, mostly our favorite ones. Sunday is always a day for family & it’s always great day for me!!!
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3w

    This is in dedication to my beautiful daughter, who is my strength when I need it most. She has made me who i am today!!!

    #anaphora #wod #empath #empathmind #dedication #daughter #strength #shine #shining #writersnetwork #ceesreposts #momdaughterstrength #beautiful #Lilly #LillyFlower #bright #inspiration #motivation #miraquil

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    My Shining LillyFlower

    You shine as bright as the sun

    You keep shining, never go dim

    You keep growing, as I know you will

    You are my strength when I’m weak

    You listen when no one else will

    You make my days brighter

    You encourage me to do better

    You are always there for me

    You show me different perspectives

    You find me when I’m so lost

    You’ve shown me unconditional love

    Through you I have learned never to give up, never look back & I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3w

    Endurance. I would be nothing without it. To endure is to love, as to live is to endure.

    The endurance of pain
    The endurance of suffering
    The endurance of addiction
    The endurance of love
    The endurance of loneliness
    The endurance of empathy
    The endurance of hate
    The endurance of hell
    The endurance of sadness
    The endurance of depression
    The endurance of regret
    The endurance of addiction
    The endurance of weakness
    The endurance of being broken
    The endurance of being lost
    The endurance of being hunted
    The endurance of being me.

    The endurance of all the feelings, felt mine, his, hers or yours is so damn real. That’s when you know for sure that you are alive, you are awoke. You are alive to feel all, open to feel all that’s yours & isn’t yours, but you claim it anyway. That’s when I knew I was alive. To feel all that was possible to feel. Welcome to the inner most vulnerable perception of my mind. It’s yours to take if you like. I don’t even know if I can endure all there is for me. Here I am, open to claiming it all. Insecurities hit me hard, like freight train headed right toward me, no brakes.
    Not knowing what is ahead, only what is behind me. Alive & ready for whatever that may bring. For there is no off. Just constant. Constant everything. And no, before asked would I be anyone else? No I would only be me, for some reason this is my life. It was chosen before I knew I was me. That’s why I live everyday knowing I have to survive through every last bit of it. Just to feel every breath I take in. Feel with all I have. If not, it just wouldn’t be me.

    ©angels_halo_shines

    #writersnetwork #writersbay #empathmind #empath #endurance #endure #ceesreposts #uralivec #breath #spiritual #readwriteunite
    #alive #mentalhealth #writersofmirakee

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    The Endurance Of

    Endurance. I would be nothing without it. To endure is to love, as to live is to endure.

    The endurance of pain
    The endurance of suffering
    The endurance of addiction
    The endurance of love
    The endurance of loneliness
    The endurance of empathy
    The endurance of hate
    The endurance of hell
    The endurance of sadness
    The endurance of depression
    The endurance of regret
    The endurance of addiction
    The endurance of weakness
    The endurance of being broken
    The endurance of being lost
    The endurance of being hunted
    The endurance of being me.

    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3w

    Forever. It’s a heavy word. You can’t choose forever. Eternal life has been decided at your conception. Lifetimes granted again & again. Through learning, processing & lessons thrown upon us. Our souls know how much we can handle. It’s important to know that. For our souls only push us to become better. A better person as a whole. “You” work on yourself daily. It’s hard work, but doable. Results show at any given time, maybe you don’t see them. They are there, believe me. Don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s just an unnecessary set back. Seeing ourself in the light of how others see us, is difficult. I can’t even do that, if only. Forever, is a long time. Forever is lifetimes. I hope forever is lighter for you now. It’s not as complex as it may seem.
    ©angels_halo_shines


    #foreverc #writersnetwork #empath #empathmind #spiritual #eternity #ceesreposts

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    Forever Is...

    Forever. It’s a heavy word. Forever, is a long time. Forever is lifetimes.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 3w

    Just To See Me Break

    It’s too bad such evil exists. Especially the ones closest to my heart. Seems that reality turns around & slaps me straight. Many want to judge how I feel, but they are NOT ME. Period. It’s too bad, they never got to know me. Being pushed & pushed more to your limits of breaking. Done time after time. I keep telling myself, maybe it will be different next time. It never is.
    You would think I would learn. I am not a bad person, until I’m pushed to feel anger. Then, I got a boiling point. She knows how to get me there. In minutes. I will never know why. Or maybe it will be revealed at a later time. I’m tired. I’m so very tired of trying to be there, just to be ridiculed. See that’s what you don’t know or see, the ones that think I’m so bad of a daughter & niece. You can’t nor do you try to see my point of view. I can’t tell you how this has effected me my entire damn life. And I don’t want your pity. Or your respect. I want NOTHING FROM YOU. I will always be misunderstood. And it is what is. The facts have been shown to me repeatedly. I have done wrong. I know. Please forgive me, for I am not perfect. I will never be. Verbal abuse is real. And I have to do what’s right for me.
    ©angels_halo_shines

  • angels_halo_shines 4w

    Reflecting

    Reflections peering back at me
    Dark reflections, the ones that haunt
    Make me wonder at times
    How your mind & body will go into survival mode
    To give you enough bravery to save yourself.
    At that moment you are at your end
    Thinking there is no more life to give
    Oh, but there certainly is.
    That’s when you know that you have to find a way.
    No matter how, no matter what
    Then to much avail you’re given a gift.
    The gift of the release
    All those days trapped.
    Wondering how or why
    Are soon to be counted as a blessing
    Reflections such as those make me wonder.
    That fear of the unknown, that has guided you that far.
    Showing you it will then guide you farther.
    I used to think it was just part of me
    I know it isn’t just me.
    It’s many of us.
    Some make it out
    Sadly others do not
    Not knowing who to trust
    Not knowing when to trust
    I used to think learning lessons forced upon me, were bad.
    A curse
    They were supposed to be in my path
    To make me feel that way
    For reasons unbeknownst at the time
    Reflections.
    You had to be present for
    And awoke
    Reflections are not always bad
    They are necessary.
    To reach your highest good.
    Be thankful you have been blessed.
    ©angels_halo_shines