The realisation of still being in love with him happened a few days back. My friends and I were hanging out with some alcohol and a lot of laughter. I do not know why I had suppressed my feeling about him in the way that I could not have felt it if not for the intoxicants in my body that day. Out of nowhere I found myself calling him. And of course, my friends thought it was a stupid idea and made me cut the call. We all thought it wouldn’t have reached him but it did. He messaged me “Heyy, was it by mistake?🌚” I couldn’t hold back and replied “Noo, I wanted to tell you something”. But then the alcohol had started its effect on me and I just passed out. When I came back to my senses, I was made to realise that yes I’m still in love with the person who had left me years ago and it’s pretty intense. I sometimes think why can’t we just let people go? Why are we not able to move on? It was then I made peace with the fact that the kind of love we shared was perhaps true and special for me. I reached out to him after this incident but I was not able to tell him that I’m in love with him, imagine I couldn’t tell the person I’ve loved all my life about my feelings. Maybe I feared that if he didn’t feel the same about me now, maybe I could never live with the fact that he has fallen out of love for me. He told he’s going to Pune and then to LA for his professional reasons and wouldn’t return for another two or three months. That’s when I felt helpless like never before and my heart broke in a way that I didn’t have the courage to put them back together. I was devastated. But then life is all about letting go. Holding onto people hurts. Maybe this is the end of our story. I may have to suppress the feelings all over again and just pretend to have moved me.