I wish I had spoke truth since the beginning. I lied to my myself someday, I lied that everything's fine, Nothing will happen... But it creeped me out when I found myself in the dark.
I wish I knew how to deal with anxiety, I’m a victim of self doubt, and that’s not good at all. I feel judged every single moment, that takes the breath outta me coz most of the moment I realise how I have spoiled all the stuff in my life. Right now, I don’t know if I’m worthy of living or not. I see myself in the mirror everyday to promise myself that this day would be a better one . everyday is good, but how my mind simulates for the worst,, I just,,, don’t know, I’m trying best to get out of it. But cannot, . at this time, i’m nothing.. neither a good student, nor a nerd , nor a lover, nor good daughter,.. I’m just most extra thing that people have got in their life. I always have been slave of the devils inside my own.. I don’t feel like living.. somehow humiliation scares me, my mind thinks all of worst I can have,, and unfortunately, I get the worse somehow.. I always feel a line between me and humans, either I had to change myself or act like all okay,, or they just leave me somehow.. It really feels awkward when people put the beauty of my heart aside.. they don’t respect it at all. Why,, humans are like this?? aren’t they supposed to live happily with flaws of their own and others? I don’t feeel like sharing anything with them, I know , they would complain about how dramatic I’m .. but, I swear I’m not…. I’m a grown up creature, but I don’t wanna act like grown up,,, coz I have been actinh grown up since my childhood,, I’m fed up of All good , all cool, all mature personality.. I wanna breath with my flaws in rest, I wanna be a child for a life,, please don’t try to make me understand something, dude! I know it better than you … I just don’t wanna act like that…. that’s it….
azazelYour work is deep and lovely in that way☺. But i would say one thing. if find yourself asking whether you deserve to be alive, ask your self this. Who answers? Who gets to decide? Hopefully that helps some it helps me. And one last thing! Ive went through some of your work and I think you have a beautiful soul!!