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I always had a thought that right or wrong depends on one's self choices and happiness, but that isn't like that! Life is too complicated to say a choice or a decision is completely right or completely wrong! Everything has it's own complications, it's definitely hard to define what's right and what's wrong and at this stage I'm like questioning all my definitions I put on things like labels!
I've a folder with a hundred fifty photo's of you, each photo reminds me of the conversation that we'd, every photo reminds me of how at the time with each photo you'd send my heart would melt a little more for you, how it'd be my solace on a pathetic day and I wouldn't stop smiling at the stupid faces you'd send.
I can see the exhaustion, happiness, excitement, frustration on your face every time I scroll right. I can see you living life in those bits and pieces, I can see the innocence and lonliness in those pictures. Then why is it that I couldn't see that you never loved me?
I wanted to keep all those pictures as a memory of the months we'd spent apart, to remember you when we were apart since The Times I could see you, used to fly so fast. By having the pictures I could see you whenever I want. Then why is that I couldn't forsee that when you're gone I'll be still left with a hundred fifty photo's of you?
There were times when after a stressful, prolonged call I'd come back to my wallpaper and find you staring right at me, I'd blush a little each time. There's a photo of you where sheru is licking your face, technically I should be jealous that the dog loves you more but it's my fav photo of you, it fills my heart with so much warmth, love and happiness.
Now I'm just left with a hundred fifty photo's of you and a dozen voice notes. I don't open my image gallery anymore so that I by mistake don't end up looking at another photo of you since that causes a pit in my stomach, my throat gets dry and I go numb. All I'm left with is a memory of you.
A parallel universe that our imaginary minds had created.. the one where it was just you, me, sheru and our cat. On the days when its impossible to go without looking at you, listening to you and the reality of you being gone strikes me.. I take resort in that imaginary mind, I go to our parallel universe, the one where we're having wine by the bottle and eating strawberry cheesecake in bed, giggling and laughing.
I escape our dark reality, the one where you left me, the one where you didn't forgive me, the one where you couldn't see the light in me in my darkest hour. I yearn for that love and happiness forever even though I know you'll never come back and you've convinced yourself that I'm not waiting for you either. I'm holding onto our parallel universe where everything's still fine since all I'm left with is a memory of you in those a hundred fifty photo's of you.