On morning walk I saw a man standing beneath an apple tree and speaking to oneself . I finished my morning routine and went to the terrece he was still there in the same position. I went near him and asked him the reason behind. What he replied.is inked above.....In search for peace
Wounded|Kissing dusk. & scared. Shaded with. Smelling. Autorial Petrichor. In hiraeth. Of blood. & epiphany Dripping, To the lullaby. Stinging|Of my mother. PA My eyes. I N In resol. Of pain An elysian. Dark. In. To the Raining. Smile. Eyes. A | & sky Aturdido. Eyes | With With. No in Felt with. In an. Some. Fabth. Of. My The soul. Urge. Silent. As a. Vug, So Of sorrow. To lie | Shrieks. Shh. Kef. Ul
Sequence: (Wounded and scared, Smelling petrichor of blood Dripping , stinging my eyes in resol Of pain raining aturdido Felt with soul of sorrow. Kissing dusk shaded with autorial In hiraeth and epiphany to The lullaby of my mother. An elysian smile with Some silent shrieks And eyes in an urge to lie Pain in dark eyes with Fabth as a shhh Tho in a no of vug , kef And to the sky in my soul!)
I know you’re long gone and by now, I too have come so far. This distance between us is stretched much beyond that, an easy rebound will fall short to patch up this divide. Not that I’ve forgotten you or not miss you on an hourly basis. But the will to resist the longing outweighs all the yearning. Things are so subtle that they just linger within. They don’t overwhelm me to express them out compulsively.
Sending you a simple text has become a challenge these days. Sometimes, I feel like, just call you and talk to you with the same authority as before. Asking you to just come back and give this another chance. But to my dismay, I knock the idea off. Though I sleep carrying you in my head every night and wake up with your thoughts. It seems easy to put on my masculine face and sweep everything under it.
But not always you know. Sometimes it becomes impossible to just put on a mask and smile it all away. How long can one keep the bluebird tamed? I tend to muster the courage to ping and ask ‘How are you?’. But the conversation doesn’t grow beyond that right? Not your fault, I know. But I wish this whole debacle would have been much easier. At least for a normal conversation.
It’s like one of those days when I saw that little Kashmiri girl on Instagram. The one who put out a video asking the PM to reduce hours of online classes for children. Isn’t she a ditto image of you? Those cheeks and the little blunt nose. And the streak of bass in her voice. That video moved me and I couldn’t help but send it to you, saying things. Then you sent the awkward-smiling emoji in reply and my desire to strike a conversation dried up again.
And how I wish to listen to your voice and look at your cheeks and smile again, like a fool. But again I pass all those thoughts. Like how I felt when I saw, teen pics of Harshaali Malhotra aka Munni from Bajrangi Bhaijaan. Again, she too looks just like you. I just kept looking at her pics, reminding myself how good and kind you were to me. Only to battle the urge to contact you again. Somehow dodged the idea of texting you that day. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered I guess.
Maybe it’ll take a while to get used to this loneliness and insecurity. Maybe you’ll keep fleeting and inciting desire in me. Maybe someone again will remind me of you and I wish I’ll be brave enough to send you a ‘Hi’ again. Maybe I’ll be meek enough, and stable enough to strike a proper conversation. Or maybe, I’ll just contain it all and pass the longing to my next poem that might make the bluebird fly away.