It's 3 at night and I am sitting at my usual place in my room. My mind is racing faster than the speed of a express train. There's a huge battle of thoughts going on in my mind. While my eyes have dried off due to unstoppable tears at unexpected moments. Eyes are swollen too as I haven't found sleep since past many days. And I lie on the bed waiting for another panic/anxiety attack to hit me before I could understand the situation. By now my hands have touched my knees as my knees reach up almost to my face as I crumble myself down in a small shape.
And Fuuuccckkk! (Anxiety/ Panic attack)
Next morning I wake up like nothing really happened as my mother says "Ye aaj kal k bacche raat bhar phone use kar k aankhein suja dete hai"
While I beautifully smile as I manage to hide all the bruises of my heart, all the scars of my body, all the pain of my soul. And the day begins…
I believe there's reason to everything Likewise, there's a reason he doesn't make attachments anymore For, once he was too attached to someone and eventually that person left There's a reason he takes so many efforts For, he feels he didn't took the correct amount of efforts last time There's a reason he has stopped making friends For, the hurting game goes round in the loop again and again There's a reason he wants to be alone For, he has to keep himself aware about him being alone always There's a reason he tries to make someone smile For, no one makes him smile hence he doesn't want someone to go through the sadness he goes through There's a reason he doesn't believe in any kind of relation with anyone For, he fears loss, he fears abandonment, he fears hurt, he fears tears, he fears everything, There's a reason… . #reason#attachments#hurt#fears#mirakee#poem#poempost#captionpost#readwriteunite#writersnetwork#life#inspiration#thoughts#diary
People ask me are you fine? And I smile at them knowing even I don't remember when was the last time I felt fine. I mean isn't it fine to not to be fine? Everyone asks me so many questions but what about my questions? Who's gonna answer my questions?
And so what if I ain't fine. Is it wrong to not feel good and fine. Yes, I do cry at nights, I don't sleep and Yes, I don't want to wake up. I mean it is such a task! Because I just don't know what will happen today. What will life throw at me again. Yes, I fear relationships and bonds and hence I've stopped making bonds. I know this is not the right way but the hurt is too painful that follows after making bonds. I don't want your sympathy or sympathetic looks, Why can't you just quietly listen to whatever bullshit I speak? When I literally and really want that and nothing much from you.
Yes, I still get depressed about my bonds with people. But what's fucking wrong in it? I mean how can I not get depressed about it. Like won't it hurt when people leave you even after they are the one's who hurt you to the core. I had invested myself so much in them, I took efforts and yes I was stupid and still I am stupid.
That day we met for the last time, We smiled at each other, She looked dazzlingly beautiful She confessed that she didn't love me But her eyes! Damn her eyes! They spoke the untold truth I could see a drop of tear at the corner of her eyes She said I don't love you anymore While looking at the floor. She couldn't face me, look at me And at that moment I could feel What love feels like.
All this while people have been posting about their partners, hanging out with each other, creating some great memories and sitting on the top floor of love pyramid. But how it feels like to have no privilege of doing any of this and still loving the other person while he/she also loves you.
There's nothing left between them Friendship has died and they are left in a fuss again Filters have took the game away Nothing seems to stay No memories, No moments, No togetherness, No roamings. They have lost everything In the quest of keeping something Don't know still what kept them together But it's tough to lose a special bond with a person another Life has fukced them so hard! She has lost the courage to bombard He has succumbed to depression And thinks he has an obsession. It's a different story of love and friendship A story of a silent sea and a broken ship. Things have broken beyond repair, Everything between them is in despair. With time, things have gone from best to worst Now the bond is on the verge of rust Tears have flowed unstoppably Both of them look at each other regretfully Fears have developed! Fear of hurting each other Fear of ruining things all over Hurt! Tears! Hurt! Tears! This is the sequence of their bond Another story is gonna end No broken pieces will mend She was the girl he deserved He was guy she deserved But still love stayed friendship died Hearts broken, eyes dried, They lost each other's sight No one could wipe, both cried. . . #mirakee#readwriteunite#writersnetwork#friendship#hurt#poem#poemporn#captionpoem#captionpost#lovehurts#depression#life#poetry#friendship#love
For one day, I want you to think about your happiness. Like buy a chocolate for yourself, travel places with yourself. Travelling doesn't always mean a travel outside your city. Your travel can also be within a city.
Think about it. How blissful you would feel when no one will be there to judge you for your stupid and crazy actions in the travel. No one will make you laugh but it's you who will have to take efforts to make yourself laugh whole-heartedly. No one will be there in the travel to limit or restrict you from letting you do what your heart wants to. Let the inner child inside you come out.
Now, forget about the expenses. By that I mean for one day, invest your money on your happiness. Buy things for yourself and truly show your kindness in your actions within the trip. Forget about loneliness, this is not about it and to make you clear it was never about loneliness, it was always about your happiness.
I want you to make this a habbit of travelling with yourself for one day. . During the process, you will realize how strong, kind and a pure souled person you are. It's not important how people look at you but it's important how you look at yourself.
I know how it feels to be lonely and sometimes badly wanting to have someone to share every little thing. But think about it this way.
While everyone's busy with their friends, socially colourful life, etc. You don't have any of that but that's what gives you an opportunity to look into yourself in a positive way. That's what saves your time of spending time with people coz you have none of it. It's obvious and natural too at times to eagerly feel the need to have someone who will listen you out. But that's absolutely temporary, but you and your hidden talent will stay with you forever, that's permanent.
You can search your craft of interest and work on it while everyone's just busy doing normal routine thing. You will add feather to your achievement. Look at great people in any field, most of them were lonely which made them stand apart from others.
Just imagine about the satisfaction and smile that would appear on your face when you will work on your craft regardless of it succeeding or not.
Put all your energy and heartiest feelings on yourself and your hidden talent which you need to find out at the earliest.
What is the difference between being immature and mature?
The difference between maturity and immaturity comes along with time. As you grow young you learn few things, you adapt few changes, you improve yourself. So, does this mean that we became mature?
The answer is no. Of course we aren't mature. Irrespective of how many things we learn, adapt and improve there's one childish and immature side of us which hides within. But maturity is when we don't show it to any random person.
We are immature in that sense. Like the way you act childish at times with your parents, your real sister/brother, your bestfriend shows the hidden child inside you. And it's perfectly fine to be immature, for they are your people and you know why you act like that only with them?
It's because they are the best people of your life. They know in and out of you. You know they will never judge you on the basis of your immaturity in that sense.
Is it about the expectations? Or is it about being too emotionally fragile?
It's actually not only about the expectations or being emotionally fragile but it's about finding happiness within. Often, we tend to find happiness in other person's happiness which partially is a good thing but in the process we happen to forget about happiness hidden inside us. We overlook the actions, the achievements and good things we did which should be our real source of happiness.
We all are emotional irrespective of how strong we perceive ourselves to be. It's quite obvious too feel emotionally weak when we begin to find happiness in some other person. In this process, we begin to expect too much from that other person, for we put so much effort, time, attachment and what not which people don't recognise it yet you do because it's you who have invested yourself in that person to a great extent.
Expectations and Being emotionally fragile is interrelated with your happiness. Try finding happiness in yourself rather in others.
It's tough to overcome the silence my heart is filled with. I mean just look at people around me. Everyone's so focused, so motivated and busy in making their career, fulfilling their dreams and involved so much in their own goal of achievement.
And now just look at me. I have been wandering around on empty streets like a roadside dog who knows nothing where his home lies, where he wants to go, what he actually wants. Crying all day, all night, searching for happiness in people who no longer make an effort to make me smile.
How are these people able to find happiness so easily. I mean I have searched for it every where I have wandered around. Don't they ever feel that this is temporary and pain is permanent. Doesn't their mind keep thinking all day long. I have tried so many things to keep myself motivated and find you.
I feel lost somewhere in my own world of thoughts and imagination. Like others, even I want to have you, even I want to imbibe you in my life. And for once experience, how it feels to have you. I feel weak, broken and shattered in pieces. Please step in my life for once as you have in others life. I badly need you.
It's not necessary to have a beautiful and fruitful bond always and stay together always. Sometimes you have to let people leave you irrespective of how good or best your bond is. Of course, it is gonna hurt you but don't forget it's also gonna pull you to your best self. They were meant to come, stay for a moment and leave. I know you went numb knowing the fact that they left. I know your heart literally is in tears and it needs rest for it has gone through so much in such a little amount of time. It needs a warm hug, it needs a land silence and most importantly it's real you.
I know the road of acceptance is filled with hurdles but trust me you will get through all the hurdles and come back stronger than before. When you'll heal, you'll come out stronger, you will respect this rough phase of yours, may be laugh or smile too.
We both are frustated with mishappenings of life and our relationship. We both want a solution but not the end. We both have been constantly trying to make things better, sound better and just be fucking better at everything. We both know that neither do we hate each other nor can we stop ourselves from loving each other indefinitely. We are irritated, annoyed and shaken by the memories and the harsh reality of we having fought for things so many times. We are terrified by the bitter truth of not able to hear each other's inner voice. We know none of us is going to leave each other no matter what situation arises, no matter how tough and ruthless situation turns out to be. We both are hanging on a rope named "FEAR", the fear of losing each other, the fear of becoming each other's bad memories.
We know this is hurting us may be killing us from inside. We are tired of trying to find solution to everything and fix everything. But we know even if we don't fix it, we still will be together. Yes, that's the dilemma all about we don't know what's right, what's wrong, what's gonna happen, what's not, where will this lead us and where not? There are questions whose answer are haunting us and making this all the more worst. Hence, we better don't want to answer them.
We want a sweet escape from this mess and fuss. But even in this escape we want each other's company, we want to hold each other. We want each other's smile, each other's touch, each other's voice, each other's glowing happy face every minute and just want to see the best and a happy us.
Though this is deprresing, stressful, hurtful, painful, frustrating and annoying but may be we were always meant to be together like this fighting, crying, hurting each other, but still being together.
We are meant to be together may be like this but we are meant to be together.
Please don't misunderstand my care, love and affection for you as a complaint or a grief. It's just that I want us to be clear about things by expressing whatever I feel about you and what you are to me. If there are 10 random people who have complaints or issues with me then I'll just not take it seriously but when you'll complain about anything I will, I surely will. Because you are the one who matter to me, you are the one who know me, you are the one who will stand with me anytime. Similarly, if 10 people are complaining you about your behaviour or anything, don't take them seriously but if I am expressing whatever I feel about you then please do consider. I know you have never complained me about anything but I want you to complaint me because your view, your opinion and lastly you matter to me the most. It's just sheer care and love for you that I share whatever changes or anything different I see in you.
It hurts when you don't share what change you feel about me, what your complaints are regarding me. It's not necessary that complaining each other or sharing griefs regarding each other will lead to a fight. Because we are matured adults, we will accept it and try to work on it or say it upfront whatever it is rather than creating a bucket of misunderstandings and ruining our bond.
Leaving things untold, unspoken halfway is not going to make us stronger instead it's going to break us bit by bit. And I can't afford to lose you. And lastly a big hug to you for everything.
I hate this device called "Mobile" It has so much to offer. Like so much! It offers me her innumerable photos which now have turned down to memories. It's screen offered me a mirror When she by mistakely poked Her finger in my eyes.
I hate this device called "Mobile" For saving me every fucking time!!! It acted as a saviour to me so many times by making me remember so many things at a time which helped me successfully diminish my remembrance power. It saved me from embarrassment when I had almost forgotten my best freinds birthday. It saved me when I had almost lost my way, Replacing exploration part of the journey when I first stepped in the city.
I hate this device called "Mobile" For snatching some precious moments. It snatched a childhood from a kid By making him grossed into mobile 24×7 even at such a small age. It snatched a life from a kid by giving him such a huge addiction right from his childhood.
I hate this device called "Mobile" For eliminating things from life. It eliminated the essence of waiting for someones reply through letters. It eliminated the value of understanding what actually distance means. Now, distance is decided on the basis of those 3 ticks : - 1- Sent, 2- Delivered, 3- Read.