I say that I'm an open book when I know anything I don't wish to share has been penned in invisible ink.
I will give you enough suspense and drama to leave you feeling filled, but I still hide so much at my core.
Feeling two faced when I claim to want true vulnerability but am scared to give it.
Been too hurt to let down walls enough to let anyone see over, all while demanding to see their secret gardens with my own eyes.
My heart has debated the risk so many times but determined it too deadly, we just aren't who we used to be.
I still can't stand to cry while others are around, the only thought in my hanging head is to run.
I am enamored by the thought of being close to another, but I am fearful that the process to get there will only lead to heartbreak.
Oh lord, you know every tear I shed or smile I have given.
You know the constant tug of war in my heart, mind, and soul.
I am growing tired of this loneliness, you created me to be with others.
So I give you my past, the hurts that others left when they did.
I will slowly give you each stone in my wall so that you are the only one standing between them and me.
You are all the protection I have ever needed, let me give it all to you.
Let me be honest in saying I just don't know what to do.
I am too much of a mess to function on my own, my garden has been overgrown for sometime now.
So you bend down and help me pull up the weeds, thorns poke my skin but it needs to be done.
It is then I realize we are not alone, others have come.
My neighbors have started to dismantle their walls and come to help me pull out what I thought was too unsightly to be seen.
I can see the same invasive species among the others’ flowers and my heart skips a beat.
I water the ground with my tears as I realize I was never alone, you have always provided me with others; I was just too terrified to simply look and see.