Lately, my life has been like that messed up woollen ball rolling on the floor, with it's end somewhere lost and not in a mood to be unsnarled neatly. I remember, knitting patterns on my white solid sweater with some colourful wool, especially blue, my favourite colour. I love the sky when it turns blue too. With the clouds mimicking white cotton candies sauntering all around the blue sky while the sun and moon play peekaboo, it's beautiful. I love admiring how the colours of the sky blend among themselves and they don't even need a brush for those extra dark shades. But these days, it feels like although the sky changes colours but now my life has not been a rainbow anymore. I can only see the dark blue and black shades of the sky where it seems as if the clouds are frowning at me. The daisies I've planted once now has stopped giggling and shaking their petals, when I water them. Earlier, they used to narrate their stories to me about how once just because of them, a love story started and how they've also been laid on the graveyard of someone's beloved. I've some photo frames fixed on the walls of my room. They've photographs in them of some of my really close people who are now just like that zephyr which comes and goes in seconds and make you feel like it wasn't even there. The frames now threatens me to fall down and break into pieces. That vintage diary kept on the table besides the scented candles has stopped calling me. With a rusty colour on their pages and a smell of the past, the dairy now doesn't sings me lullaby at nights anymore. Every story used to be a way for me to fall asleep, dreaming how happiness is now like those withered leaves of my favourite daisies. Dried petals of roses inside my cupboard and crowns of their thorns, pricking my fingers, now just don't hurt me anymore. Memories disguised as tears, smeared on my white pillows now create art every night. Golden arrows of betrayal are now been thrown at me and they don't even miss a chance to hit my heart just at the right place, making a wound there which oozes out pain in the form of verses, just like you're now reading one. A jar, which reads in bold 'Reasons to smile' filled with some cheats, kept on the window pane above which a dreamcatcher is hanging, now mocks me because I pretend to smile all the time these days. The thread embedded with roses, decorating my ribcage has started tickling my insides. Twists and turns of the hurt feelings makes me gasp from breaths now.
The scarlet hues of the sky during the late evenings and the early soft twinkling of the stars, along with the moon when it starts getting a bit darker heals me with kisses of solace. Tinkling of the bells due to the wind, with gazhals playing in the background has started helping me untangle that woollen ball, my life, and start knitting. May be start with just a little pansy or a sunflower ? Anything, but everything in a way.
People there be like giving speeches, doing TedTalks, and their social media be filled with posts of Gender Equality, Stop Asian hate, equal rights, etc, etc.. But then start hating & dissing Chinese & korean men, and ofcourse to the one who stan them too. But I wanna know what wrong with listening to kpop, isn't it just another genre of music? Aren't those people humans too? And to even mention, China and Korea are part of asia too, so your so called #asianhate doesn't only limit to you. We all can be Indians but prefer Hollywood over Bollywood but we can't watch kdramas or cdramas. And what if they have make ups on they're trying to be more prettier, not to brag but they are even handsome bare faced. Atleast not like your so called Kabir Singh, a dog would even look better than him.
Ps. I'm not here to spread any hate. I'm just here to fill some truth into your heads, and I know you dumbass people will never get that.
Oh yes another thing, If you can't stand their success and achievements, step out of their lives, focus on yourself, and show us what you're capable of, show how you can stand before their global reputation.
The walls weren't moving, and the room was open - gaping. No colors, but shades of darkness, of night . Only those star-flecked violet eyes were bright, full of color and light. It's too hard to hold the cry. And day after day suffer from breathing problems.Eyes so young, so full of pain ... I have never seen you cry. You can not allow your own being to wash over you. But eyes so young, so full of pain ...
Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired. Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision. Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy. Trust, even when your heart begs you not to. Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see. Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring. Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience--- you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.
"What do you know about bipolar disorder?” I almost say, What do you know about it? But I make myself breathe and smile. My voice sounds flat and even. Maybe a little bored, even though my mind and body are on alert. “Some people call it manic depression. It’s a brain disorder that causes extreme shifts in mood and energy. It runs in families, but it can be treated.” I continue to breathe, even if I’m not smiling anymore, but here is what is happening: my brain and my heart are pounding out different rhythms; my hands are turning cold and the back of my neck is turning hot; my throat has gone completely dry. The thing I know about bipolar disorder is that it’s a label. Even though I'm sleeping again, everything still feels a little rickety, like I'm here but not quite here, like I'm just a stand-in for my real self, like someone could just reach over and pinch me and I'd deflate. I thought I was feeling better, but I don't know anymore. As my brain wants to kill your soul. I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history. Because with every day that goes by, my heart is hurting, I think the road has end. I feel myself becoming more and more invisible...
//Take my mind And take my pain Like an empty bottle takes the rain And heal, heal, heal, heal And take my past And take my sense Like an empty sail takes the wind And heal, heal, heal, heal And tell me somethings last//
jules_I know it's more than difficult to deal with and any words I say can't comfort you. But as someone who has been dealing with mental illness, we can do this. We can fight this through and make it to the brighter side. Don't give up on yourself. And the way you expressed everything is just fabulous. Keep up the good work.
Oh, I'm obsessed With the way you click All pictures of me.. How you love the things I hate about myself And no one knows, but with you, I see hope again..
Oh, I'm a mess When I overthink the little things in my head You seem to always help me catch my breath But then I lose it again when I look at you, that's the end..
And why do I get nervous when I look into your eyes? Butterflies can't stop me fallin' for you..
And babe, this is more than anything I felt before You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find Someone who is worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak..
So come close, Let me be home for anything,, I know it's worth it.
But Take it,, If she give you her heart.. Don't break it, She's the best thing that you'll ever have.. She always has trouble Falling asleep and like to cuddle.. She loves singing loud, pop songs and ice-cream.. There's still a few things She loves love notes and games And likes giving gifts. And when she doesn't notice How pretty she's Then tell her Over and over So she never forgets. But has a harder time accepting a good compliment. She love her whole family and all her friends. So if you're the one She let's in,, Then take it. She'll love you If you love her..
I try to push away the sorrow But today, it's too late, I try tomorrow..
So when the night feels like forever I'll remember what you said to me..
It's 5 a.m. I knew I lost you, And I feel like crying.. I'm deeply troubled, Filled with regrets, I'm arms, knees deep in alcohol But I'm drowning. Sinking deeper, Need you arms around me..
Cause there ain't nothing in this world I wouldn't do to say one more I love you.. //I'm sorry,, don't leave me, I want you here with me//
You couldn't imagine the sadness That happens when you're driving alone..
When you're crying, the radio is carryin' you home It's hard to stay focused so close to the ocean.. Remember what it felt like when you left me?
Everything around me felt so lonely And if you ask me if I ever cried Only when I look into your eyes..
My anxiety sits in a corner Of my mind room, Hidden inside That white elegant closet...
Don't tell me that I'm strong Until you've seen me broken down, Falling apart, Again and again Crying until the tears are no longer To come...
Don't tell me that I'm lovely Until you've seen what nights Are like and the terror That sometimes possess me. Seen me sob and tremble And question "Why me?" Until I run out of air And collapse..
Don't tell me that I'm beautiful Until you've seen the marks Etched in my skin And the ones on the inside, On my heart, That I hide...
Don't tell me that I'm a wonderful person Until I shut you out completely And push you away Because I promise myself That you're just like the rest And you'll get tired of me too...
But if you've seen that other part of me, The scars, pain, insecurities and bitterness That I hide, the voice that whisper during the day And scream during the night.. The darkness lurking behind my smile, And you still stay by my side And think me truly beautiful, Then maybe.. Just maybe... I believe you..