Just like a death note, I lay on the bed. The silk gown giving sheer tenderness to the stiff and motionless body. Eyes wide awake. Alive yet dead. The expressionless face with several expressions striking in my numb head. I slowly crawled in, my arms and knees closer to my chest like a snail, protecting myself from my own thoughts. I looked vacantly at the large window to the setting sun and the rising moon.
//H P L S
O E E S
I carved those five letters in the fragile wall using the shattered pieces of my heart- D.E.A.T.H. that kept staring me like that daunting wall. The darkness invaded my small territories without any notice, without any knock. It painted the colourful pages of my life with all black and white to remind me of the pain fabricated over my intimidated soul. I touched those letters that gave me a strange satisfaction.
The ticking sound of my wrist watch was counting my pulses that will stop after the watch stops.
May be the knock of peace. May be the knock of happiness. Or another pain contrives a way to enter silently and disfigure my very pleasant heart. I know this knock would be of some new pain that is ready to discolour me. I am still finding the answers of some unknown questions, the questions that entice tears. And those tears bleach all my joys, all my emotions, all my smiles.
My life has no kaliedoscope. No route to escape from pain. My life has no kaliedoscope. No colours to fill the dark voids. My life has no kaliedoscope. No patterns to change.
The fear of pain runs in my veins forever, the fear of losing my soul is what I wear. The existence of neuralgia accompanied the depression and my enfeeble heart followed the lost soul. I am scared of writing on those empty pages. The tears that bled continuously out of those eyes, full of anguish will too leave a permanent scar on that empty page.
I permitted pain to follow me in my grave. The letters I carved cavort at my decision. May be my life loves fullstops more than commas and endings more than beginnings.
//May be this is the way of pain to remind me constantly about the pain I am going through.