I like how it's so quiet out here :)

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  • eternal_chaos 19h

    I'm a cannibal
    Struggling on a diet
    Shrieks on my plate
    I chew without delight
    I am insignificant
    A tiny speck of unwanted dust
    That makes a galaxy
    Of nuclear bombs
    On everyone's chest
    The doctors are tired
    Of my incessant rants
    The papers with analysis
    Are all bribed
    I am a disaster
    Too small to fear
    Yet too ferocious for my walls
    A tiny havoc eroding herself
    I am mad
    In all the hemispheres
    That humans have built
    I'm the guilt of guilt
    She left her throne
    Crowned me then
    I'm the bearer of a new dynasty
    That reigns on coward aliens
    Too fragile for this world

  • eternal_chaos 19h

    He says, I know negatives
    Too well to smile
    The happy curves
    I find no maps
    I burned them alive
    They screeched
    The maps? No, people
    From inside
    Inside of my own home
    Lies, lies, fucking lies
    God gift and prodigy
    Stales in each laugh
    Humour is so misinterpreted
    It's not happiness
    It's the antidote in my case
    Accepting failure
    And madness
    I shout too loud
    To actually hear
    Regrets and repents
    Electrified in my tents
    I tie friendship bands
    To latches and doors
    I am a raging volcano
    She wasn't a thermophile
    Sita sat in fire
    To prove her sanctity
    I am burning her
    To erase her identity
    I am no great ballad
    But a whisper
    Made at high amplitudes
    But still stays a whisper
    Because air is bribed
    To not hear me
    Birds fly when they see me
    A fallen pair of rotting wings
    Locked in a room
    To ferment
    And serve a voracious master
    The one I'm keeping right now
    This poem is part of the process
    It will turn into a catalyst soon
    Here it goes

  • eternal_chaos 19h

    Scratch my scarred skin
    Thrash my agile tongue
    I am a weed
    Uprooted, unwanted
    Soaking nutrients
    That I don't deserve
    Fiddling with my death
    That despises me too
    I have a history of heart-attacks
    That take my name in the court
    I don't plead
    I'm the culprit
    But they know my punishment
    Is to not hang me
    Perhaps the anxiety
    The anger is my rust
    But I forgot the fact
    That when was I ever iron?
    I am brittle but not metal
    You can't beat me
    I choose self deterioration
    And all the other negative 'd's
    When the one with "eath" doesn't choose me
    I'm a fucking psycho
    The walls of my house repeat
    All in unison
    Blame my coward disease
    Too shy to come out
    Too pompous to wither
    They are right I say
    But in this poem
    Because my mouth in real
    Has unjustified reasons
    To play with amplitudes
    That are enzymes
    Of inducing despair
    I have built an asylum
    I call it a bubble
    The pins are close
    See you on Mars

    - eternal_chaos // faux anthropophobia

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    Fuck off, life

  • eternal_chaos 4d

    Khaali kitabon ke panno par
    Ek syaahi si dhul gyi hai
    Shayad kuch tooti aashayein
    Firse bikhar gyi hai

    Mein puchu uska pata?
    Kambhakt kahin milti nhi hai
    Koi miraaj hai ya lailaaj hai
    Par yaadein uski mit'ti nhi hai

    Farebi thi kya wo yaadein
    Lootkar sukoon kahan chali
    Ya thi koi aanwara hawa
    Hansi meri wo manchali

    Waqt ne waqt ko guzarte dekha
    Siskiyan haule se leta chala
    Mein gum ho gyi bheed mein
    Pata nhi wo khwaab, kab dhala

    Darr sa lagta hai khudse ab
    Iss dahleez ki khuni hu mein
    Pagal firti hu khudke hi andar
    Puri dikhkar bhi sooni hu mein

    Kaanp si rahi hu har pal
    Itna mehroom kab hui usse mein
    Junoon jo tha mera sahara
    Ab uski hi parai hui hun mein

    Ghabrata hai tan lamha lamha
    Antarman mein raakh bachi hai
    Cheekhti hu khudpar hi mein
    Aasha ab kya khaak bachi hai

    //Suno na Khushi, tumhe nhi paana mujhe
    Dafa ho jayo iss chaukhat se
    Par tumhara kuch saaman hai yahan
    Hansti yaadein, unhe bhi saath le jayo?//


    Random musings, lame shit

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  • eternal_chaos 1w

    I've kinda forgotten how to write a poem

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    I'm dripping in transparent shades
    Of anomalies as chaos raids
    Chameleon pills above my desk
    The sanity of history constantly fades

    This heart is a chambered Chernobyl
    Carrying voids on the windowsill
    Obstinate historical radiations persist
    This emptiness is a sweetened kill

    Strolling through lanes reading solution
    I take a turn to self dissolution
    There I'm stamped a lost case
    I am the bearer of philatelic revolution

    My past went through fissions
    A crashing plane on all my missions
    The floor is rising to eat me up
    Hope is made of hundred superstitions

    I lay disregarded, crushed and churned Despair and distress is all I have earned


  • eternal_chaos 6w

    I've no words today, I think I never had. It's like an illusion that you can have words when most of the times the words, the pain and the despair holds me captive. It feels suffocating today like there's a heavy burden on me and I've to run but I've no space or there's no ribbon at the finishing line. The battle is between me, my past, guilts, determination and future and hope. This is an unfair sport, one can't win without dragging the other down. I've always been high on justice so I stop midway, gather all of them together as they play merry go round where they all fall in the trap of overthinking. While I write this, the clock smirks upon me, I can hear the tick tick, it's quiet out here, I can listen to what I'm writing. Often I feel out of place like I've no one to smile or laugh with or just cry.( Bahut ghabrahat ho rhi h, ajeeb sa lagta h, inn chaar deewaron ke alawa sab paraye lagte h aur ye apna ab na kaatne laga hai)
    I can't even cry nowadays because I don't want to commit to my misery yet again, they say being able to cry is a privilege, ask me, it's pathetic when you can't stop them or they're understood as your escape mechanism. Ab lagta h kar kya rahi hu mein, din beet'ta h aur raat tak shor sunai deta h khudka. Often in the afternoon, I go through several existential crises, ki aaj bhi khudse haar gyi aur aaj fir khudko sharmsaar khudki hi nazaron mein kar diya. Sab weird lagta h, ye panne, ye kavita, log, sab. I've tried running from world, from people so many times ki ab toh ye bhi cliche lagne laga. Bas mann karta h bhaag jau sabse jisse bhi jaanti hu aur shayad khud se bhi. Bas aur nhi likha jaata, ghinn aane lagi h khud se. Bas

  • eternal_chaos 7w

    I'm sorry, I'm fragile, Dad

    Half eaten plates, noisy screens
    Disappointment has the loudest screams
    It's amplitude an exponential graph
    Crashing and tremors on all my dreams
    On the table some feets apart
    You hush about me in despair
    I struggle to chew the bit again
    All the tsunamis of months
    Nurture a disaster scaring its ancestors
    I lay my head down
    I move my tongue
    My Richter scale still works
    Miniscule earthquakes in my larynx
    But you rage your tones
    The waves go up
    The ones in my eyes
    Counterpart, go down
    My wave optics has always been weak
    Troughs and troughs and troughs
    The crest in my life has left the 'c'
    I run and shatter and wilt and run
    The canvas is now smudged
    With dried nude hues
    Lying in acceptance
    To each curse bearing my name
    Because I grew them myself
    With over used pesticides
    The ones which have began to kill me
    The bubble wrap around me
    Slowly slithers through my skin
    A cliffhanger
    But it doesn't ends me
    Stay tuned
    For I'm hollow all inside
    Empty vessels make noises
    But to what extent?


  • eternal_chaos 7w

    Idk wtf this is

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    O' dystopia

    I am slow dancing
    On this locking popping globe
    My foot slips
    Catches a drift
    Bleeds but it mixes
    In the Red sea
    Filled with the blood
    Of people mourning inexistent love
    I drown deep and deeper
    But the life guard
    Himself has forgotten to swim
    Lousy staff, fast world
    I catch up on popping
    But the world now vibes on Jazz
    I see poets, stinking of that filth
    Romanticism I guess it is
    I am not good with terms
    I often misplace pain and poetry
    I sit on a burning sun
    Watching people ice skate
    Pathetic little creatures
    I don't want to associate
    Morality is now a substandard
    Three years less in jail
    Law and commerce got married
    But the latter killed and ruled his throne
    I dig deeper
    Until I reach the crust
    To find education rotting
    Between files and sheets
    Number combinations
    By licking some boards and faces
    I take a turn away
    Only to find a stuck radio
    Which plays the same tune again
    Listens to itself
    Valuing creatures who sit with you
    Is now lame
    Chasing rusted benches is a new trend
    I say I'm honest
    But in another dimension
    Here I need lies to breathe
    Nonetheless I'm a hypocrite
    I've undiagnosed diseases lying
    All over me
    I've taken a master course in nonchalance
    But to my own self
    I've my head bent down
    At places where my name
    Was bold and bright
    Sympathy for students is not an option
    Specially when they beg for pandemics
    To cram a lesson
    Mite grinds with wheat
    But nowadays the world
    likes to grind mite
    Wheat laughs and plays
    While there's a taunting ceremony
    All the golden boards
    are now smeared black


  • eternal_chaos 8w

    Because I realised I haven't written letters since long.

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    To my younger self

    Honestly, I hate the fact that we are so different now, it almost feels like you were never inside me. Now that I look back, I feel proud of you and I miss you a lot everyday. I so want you to be back but I know I can't, I've shed that skin. You have cried a lot more times than me but you were honest to yourself and here I'm honest to everyone but me and family. You knew how to shut people's mouth by showing them and here I'm full of self loathe because I do deserve it. I am sorry I've degraded you to an extent where there's not even a speck left. You were iron and I'm just infinite coats of rust. I deteriorated you and I'm red all over with your blood on my hands. You know somedays, they say they don't recognise me now or they don't know what I've become but can I just tell me them I miss you a lot more than anyone. I know there are people who would tell me that it's okay, you've grown and all that shit. You believed in yourself and you conquered, your demeanor and confidence makes me hate myself. The worst feeling is to be jealous of a part of you that you can't bring back. You wrote poems because they made you feel good and here I rant to let the pain eat me more, I've realised poets are deceiving and writing doesn't helps at all thought I would just tell you. You never wished to die or hell kill yourself or better wish for an apocalypse to vanish earth but you had dreams which you were sure of. Reality check, it's suffocating and I'm sorry, I wasted my precious time for momentary fun which is why I've to take pills now. You would have never thought that someday you would have anxiety pills or you would have to convince people that you really don't know anything this time. Sad I know? But this is it and you aren't here. I want to make peace with it but I can't. Tell me, I realise I've a lot to say but you were a lot more wiser in every aspect. You didn't break down even when you had real problems or gave yourself away to peer pressure. You know what I hate you for being this good that I pity myself now, had I been a mess from the start, I wouldn't have been in stress. See how I use blaming as a defence mechanism while you did both. Can you please give me some of the determination and fire that you possessed because I have never heard I hate you an infinite times from them when you were possessing me, I don't know what I did to you and I'm sorry again. I just miss you. Fuck you for keeping all your trophies and merits in the drawing room, they glare and eat my soul. Honestly, I wish either of us didn't exist.


  • eternal_chaos 9w

    Another part because I was bored. This is cliche and lame idk and it feels stretched ( both literally and metaphorically XD) This is written in a hurry like always XD

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    Part-3 Rubber bands

    "I'm a rubber band, Saanjh" Aarush said
    "Let me break now, let me hurt I'll make a line but if we go far and stretch, I'll hurt you too when I break. Let me cut myself into a million pieces but don't stretch us. Leave me alone, I beg you"

    " okay enough. I'm done. Going."

    Saanjh was numb and numb wasn't even the word. You made a home with your hardwork, love and care and the next day the land it was build on comes under a government project. Life doesn't crash but it destroys a little something in your heart which is felt all over.
    That was Saanjh. A few days ago she came to know Aarush's adress accidentally through a file carelessly kept in the Dean's office and since then, she was planning a surprise visit.
    Saanjh never in her life thought that she would be at somebody's place uninvited but nothing felt wrong with Aarush even when he behaved cold and rough.

    Finally, one day Saanjh was on his doorstep smiling like she never had only to hear him shouting in raged tones and she figured out two more voices just shrieking. She couldn't digest this. She ran but Aarush saw her through the window and asked her to stop.

    "What do you think you were doing? How do you know my address? " Aarush was loud and enraged

    "I came to visit you. I thought you would be happy" said Saanjh with her head bent a little down

    "Happy? Happy making you see the mess?
    Saanjh, there's a reason no one knows my address or I've no friends"
    Aarush shifted his eyes away from Saanjh. He couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes, not again.

    "What was going on Aarush? Tell me. Who are they? I'm worried. Tell me for once. Sit. I'm here please"

    "They're my uncle and aunt. You don't need to know more. Never visit my home again, Saanjh. Please."

    "Aarush. I can't go like this. Tell me you'll be okay and it's nothing. Tell me you care that I came. Tell me something, anything. Rant to me, I promise I'm with you in everything" Saanjh came close and held his hand.

    He shifted away and turned his back towards her. " I don't care about you, Saanjh. Stop poking your nose in my life. I just pitied you. Stop it and get lost"

    "I know you don't mean it, Aarush, unclench your fist and keep your hands on your eyes and then tell me that like a real coward"

    That was the day they last talked like friends. Aarush wasn't even attending college and Saanjh plastered a "too tired of caring about people" face and started sitting alone like she used to before. She felt suffocated like her lungs got choked with flowers she bought to decorate her wall.
    But one day, she saw him, again and tears welled up in her eyes, so she took a back turn and rushed home.

    Saanjh and Aarush were on crossroads of paths they never felt. They could either evaporate the other and wither themselves everyday or feel needles prick every second.
    Aarush used to check up on her every Sunday like so called generous billionaires visit their charity foundations. This continued in loop until Saanjh paved a new path. The one she never thought she could.