Mirakee
DEUTERONOMY 31:6
Stepping out of the bubble,
I almost found trouble,
leaving was harder than I
thought it would be.
Addict brain tried to kick in,
I thought what's one last sin?
But my recovery brain
quickly kicked over.
Jesus was calling,
to the devil voice roaring,
yet comfort and compassion
filled my ears.
To Deuteronomy I was led,
31:6 filled my head,
as I chose rest over
certain self destruction.
As I lay down in bed,
I thought of my family
and friends instead,
power in a new life started.
I let God take the weight,
and God kept me safe,
my recovery shielded
by his armour.
This morning as I rise,
I thank God for my life,
I feel stronger than
ever before.
Steadfast in recovery,
the lion inside of me,
has the devil cornered
once more.
©elli_mcfarlane
elli_mcfarlane
@restoreustosanity
-
-
You're NOT to BROKEN
You're NOT to DAMAGED
You're NOT to WRONG
You're NOT to CRAZY
You're NOT a MISTAKE
You CAN find RECOVERY
You DO deserve RECOVERY
Trust me I thought
all these things...
I'M IN RECOVERY -
BRENDA ANDERSON
Nine years today,
since you passed away,
I remember exactly
where I was standing.
Heaven and earth,
inversely changed,
the day you were
promoted to glory.
I loved you then,
I love you still,
I miss you every day.
Nine years away,
yet I know beside me
you have stayed, my
guardian from a distance.
Rest in peace Nana Bren,
I know I'll see you again,
but until then, I'll always
have your loving memory.
Luv ya heaps, Ellisa xxx
©elli_mcfarlane -
ONE EYE OPEN
Saints need no sleep,
but circumstance drove me to slumber.
Dreaming of falling,
the wicked one calling,
I hit the ground an angel fallen.
Born again a devil,
I rose from my grave,
the new hue of the world foreign.
A slave to my ways,
trapped in a daze,
a new normal for the fallen.
Twisting inside,
a saintly soul fought to rise,
naming itself rebel to the devil.
A rebel yell,
a saint rising from hell,
the phoenix exorcising the demon.
Saintly once more,
but forever aware,
the devil but one complacent slumber away.
Now if rest I need,
this warning I heed,
always sleep with one eye open.
©elli_mcfarlane -
Not a poem...
Speaking as a medical professional...
Talking the talk of recovery is easy. “Addiction equals death, recovery equals life”. Addiction however is a disease hallmarked by insanity. An insanity that leads to the inverse of this statement becoming rooted in core belief. Forming a reservation to recovery at the very level of identity. Addiction, quite simply, is the only disease that convinces the sufferer they’re well.
This can not be fixed by willpower and is perpetuated by isolation. This disease of identity, of distorted core beliefs, requires asking for help and connection.
Stigma, fear and self hatred however make this walk extremely difficult and torturous. Initially the treatment is experienced as being far worse than the disease. Notice I use the word treatment, not cure, this is deliberate. Addiction is a chronic, lifelong, incurable condition, that when left untreated results in one of three inevitable outcomes – Jails, institutions and death.
Support not ridicule, love not loathing, respect not resentment, understanding not judgement are the cornerstones of recovery. Not only from those around the addict but from within the addict themselves.
Only then can the first steps of a journey of twelve be taken, as the addict starts to walk the walk.
I’m also speaking as a recovering addict...
“We do recover”.
©elli_mcfarlane -
JOHN 1:5
Powerlessness lies in darkness,
never must I forget,
though the darkness exists,
to the light it must relent.
It's ever so easy however,
to ignore and to reject,
when isolated in
the nest of vipers,
the fact the light
will not relent.
Staring at the shadow
of past darkness,
in the past I will remain,
all I need do is act on faith,
heeding the call to turn
and I'll be saved.
Slowly I turn around,
despite the dark
whispers in my ear,
focussing on another voice,
compassionately calling me near.
Losing sight of my shadow,
I feel warmth upon my face,
as I turn a full one eighty,
suddenly blinded by
mercy and grace.
Shadows now behind me,
as the moment I embrace,
visions of hope, a future,
with God now face to face.
©elli_mcfarlane -
THIRTY ONE
Yesterday gone,
for me a day older,
for you something
significantly more.
For today for you,
the calendar marks,
thirty one years your score
April --- --- 1990,
I have no clue what I was doing.
Little did know,
when I was ten,
in the background,
the universe was brewing
Patents is the universe,
far more patent than me,
twenty nine years pass 'till we meet
All along,
with childlike excitement,
the universe knew what
the outcome would be.
Like a lock end key,
eventually,
we fatefully collided.
I could never have known,
all those years ago,
just how special that we be to me.
I left a piece of my heart,
when I left town,
so forever I will be reminded.
That somewhere out there,
is a universally declared fiend,
who just celebrated another year older.
May this coming year see,
your dreams appear,
fresh hope in another year started.
Although not there,
know I'll always care,
a hug I send with this poem.
Happy Birthday --- ---,
please know to me,
you'll forever and always be,
my friend.
©elli_mcfarlane -
FAITH
When my tyre exploded
I tried to steer,
fighting my traction control.
Into the barrier,
across four lanes,
up an embankment,
out of control.
Crash and roll,
shattering glass,
then everything eery and still.
Hindsight intact,
I had to settle for the fact,
that if I hadn't tried to steer,
my car would still be here.
An interesting metaphor,
for so much more,
a good guide to Life in general.
If thy will is traction control,
and my will is steering,
then holding on when losing control,
surely that is faith.
©elli_mcfarlane -
PAIN
Pain leads to suffering,
suffering lead to pain,
my experience of the physical
will never be the same.
Truth be told though,
it's ultimately my brain,
that drives the true suffering,
that causes the most pain.
I'm weak, I deserve this,
don't ask for help,
you should feel guilty
if relief you have felt.
Circular thinking,
obsessional shame,
I've failed once more,
fucked my recovery again.
Such ruts easy to fall in,
the lies easy to believe,
my addict brain rationalising
relapse to me.
But this time something different,
a fledgling new thought,
maybe relapse isn't inevitable,
maybe shame an unjustified thought.
So I take a new action,
I reach out my hand,
asking for help in the madness,
to escape mental quicksand.
Short-circuiting obsession,
progress over perfection,
past compulsion stopped in its tracks.
Turning pain into pleasure,
proud beyond measure,
I'm slowly changing my ways.
For the first time ever,
my future seems better,
learning to reframe my concept of pain.
©elli_mcfarlane -
AMENDS
Now steadfast in recovery,
I owe you an apology,
I can only pray my
amends be received.
Addiction within,
cast me with sin,
a demon born
when I started.
Intoxicated haze,
unaware of my ways,
I left you broken hearted.
Words are hollow,
I know now the sorrow,
I inflicted in my daze.
I've cast out the devil,
my spirit now level,
I've committed to
changing my ways.
The old me reborn,
yet I remain somewhat forlorn,
at how my world has changed.
My apology now written,
a response no need be given,
just know I'll love and miss you forever and always.
I'm sorry.
©elli_mcfarlane
-
theidealist
31w
Read MoreChaos is a seething ocean. Turbulent, consuming, destructive and I am one step away from being caught in its whirlpool swirling in my heart. I have been seeing nightmares in black and white. Of people, of incidences locked up in the abyss of my memories, like an album but there's no last page and so, on and off it goes again and again and I am one step away from being pronounced insane.
Silence is the last recourse for the battered heart and Anger, it's offspring. Sometimes I think I am a crack on the window pane. A slight wrong move, a forced push, a sudden yank and I'll be one countless shred of glasses that cuts and wounds.
Anger is like a creeper. Growing, circling and choking until there's no life left in you. Oftentimes, I confess, I have found it snaking its way up to my throat, threatening to suffocate me. Silence, I feel speaks the loudest. Mind though, only a good listener gets to hear it. And if you are one, you will find it has a distinct haunting voice. It is like the sound of a funeral dirge, like the wind wailing on a windy march night.
Pain, in its nature, licks and burns and gnaws until what's left of you is a flesh picked bone on sunken eyes cradling despair. It's like gravity, there is freefalling but there's no destination. I saw pain the day you walked out on us that winter morning and winter has never been the same since. I grew to dislike it. It chills me to the bone and there's nothing fire can do to revive me.
Trauma is the demon hiding inside your closet. But on certain days when it rains, there's this bolt of lightning that illuminates it all and there's no hiding it anymore. You are a bundle of mess and your tangled hair and tears soaked face is a testament that there's no salvation. Sometimes, it's like a bad tattoo, etched deep into your skin to stay forever. Itching because it is infected and as much as you wish to do nothing with it, you cannot help your fingers from scratching it.
This ramble? Yes, this ramble is a product of a sleep starved soul. You call it insomnia but I call it a blood sucking parasite for the energy it drains me off. In between the twists and turns, I have never been more philosophical and never been more jealous of you too. Philosophical because there's life and in my delirium, I dissect it to solve it's mystery but who am I to solve it when there's the rest of others who cannot decide what came first, the egg or the chicken. Jealous because there's you, peacefully asleep, sweetly smiling to a dream your soul has taken you to while I lay awake battling it out.
@writersnetwork 30 weeks later, this gets your attention���� Gracias ❤️❤️❤️
#insomnia
#anightsramble
#mirakee
#genuine_readers
Pic credit -- somewhere on #instagramSilence is the last recourse
for the battered heart and
Anger, it's offspring.
©theidealist@murry -
elusive_me
9w
Read MoreThoughts running in my empty mind
I feel the goosebumps
But nothing I could find.
I know I have closed the door
to past memories
But I dont know why I have tears.
My hands heavy as if they are
trying to hold on to me.
I am feeling hollow .....but why
As if I am in a desert and above cloudy sky.
The memories live with you as your part
But if you have to make a fresh start
With them you have to part.
And goodbyes are always painful.
No matter how much I try.
For sometime I have to cry.
The tears have never been so warm
as heavy emotions swarm.
The heart will squirm one last time
I hope , me it will forgive.
I hope this time I create good ones
the stories that I have to live.
I want to tell you
Its very sad though.
* There's this arabic song I happened to listen on you tube by chance. Its so haunting. Gave me goosebumps. Though I did not understood a word. Its beautiful.
(Best arabian music- shirin abdul wahab - ma thasebneesh)
#words #feelings #poem #ceesreposts #mirakee #writersnetwork @mirakee @writersnetwork©elusive_me
-
manasaa
9w
Read MoreI've been writing this for weeks, little by little, with heavy tears in my eyes, carefully observing the happenings around me after my DADDY'S DEMISE. This poem is personally very close to my heart.
Would be honored if you read fully. Do refer to short explanation in the comment section.
@sangfroid_soul Here you go :)
#observation #wod
#writersnetwork Thank you♡
@mirakee POD? Oh my! Thank Youu♡
@barefoot @poemshespoke @soulfulstirrings Thank You so much. I loved your interpretation. Roots help us live but the fallen leaves act as manure to the soil & make the roots stronger.
Thank you everyone who read this and left beautiful comments. I adore you all.
#wnlovesmAL(L)ONE
Once upon a time, a trunk of a tree
stood al(l)one with might & majesty.
The trunk endured the scorching sun;
She withstood all the savage storms;
Her miseries outspread as branches
yet she carried their burden overhead.
The reason behind her strength was
A leaf who translocated love to her ;
He always held on to her branches;
He promised to stay attached forever.
On one gloomy night, a bad wind blew.
The leaf suffered to resist the wind ;
He and the trunk gripped each other ;
They pleaded and prayed harder;
Alas! The merciless wind took him
far away from his beloved trunk.
The lone trunk kept lamenting loud
for she had lost her dear loving leaf!
Some of the other leaves pitied her;
Bestowed her shade till she felt better.
A poet used to scribble metaphors
on nature being everyone's saviour.
But on that night of melancholy,
his perspective changed totally.
As an epiphany hit the poet's mind,
he wrote a ballad for the forlorn trunk.
"O dear trunk! Leaves offer you shade;
To bear your heavy branches, they aid.
But all leaves are ephemeral, darling!
Few leaves cling on to you till they can
fall off to kiss the ground, their priority.
Few others fight against wind O' fate
to never detach from you, only in vain.
Old Leaves shrink. New Leaves sprout.
Yet one cannot replace the other one.
Hold on to your roots, O dear trunk!
Your roots of what you believe in!
Soil gives strength for you to strive
Let your roots absorb 'em to survive
Your roots shall keep you upright
O dear trunk! Soon you'll be alright.
You need leaves to FACE your life
Trust your roots to LIVE your life "
©manasaa -
timvaughn_
9w
©timvaughn_
-
timothyvs
10w
Reassurance (freestyle)
I didn't know what love was,
I didn't think I'd find it - Love,
Quietly I went about my day - Loveless,
All I really wanted was the
Reassurance that I was loved (sigh),
It took me a while to tame my feelings,
Time seems to drag as you go about
Finding the necessary reassurance -
Lips dry as your mind is boggled -
Scrambled like an egg,
Your heart was hurt too many times,
I need to fill a void that was left (oh father),
I didn't know what love was,,
I didn't think I'd find it - Love,
I've gone too many times thinking I'm
Loved (sigh)
It was so one sided that I lost sight of
Loving Myself,
Quietly you came into my life over a text (Hey)
I'm quenching a void that your filling
by means of
Reassurance.
©timothyvs
