doux_torment

A trapped ghost.

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  • doux_torment 4h

    People will call me coward if I would let them.
    If I quit today, I'm a coward.
    I know I'm.
    I do wanna quit.
    Sometimes, I think let's end it here.
    But I'm scared you know.
    I long to belong but I fail, that's why I call myself a failure. It's not good to be negative this much but I can't help myself. I'm just an alien, who feels like a ghost, a non existent echo in an abandoned building where homeless people come to stay, sometimes for a week, sometimes for a month.
    I can't belong cuz I don't exist. But I feel like I do, it's maybe cuz I breathe or maybe cuz I can still feel my pulse running like adrenaline. I'm gonna be a doctor cuz my father told me so. A few months later maybe I'll get into a medical college or maybe I won't but.... But this hypochondriac and battered soul of mine will never recover, maybe cuz it's hard for me to just let things go, I guess I'm super fragile than I let people see. I'm extremely fragile little things hurt me, it drives me insane, it breaks me into thousand pieces but I hate to admit it. Maybe because I want to keep that mask of a strong girl that I never was. But all the treacherous storms that I have survived it would be unfair to say that I'm not strong, I surely am.
    My life is a battlefield, where peace never chased me back like my high school crush. This time I wanted to lose myself in the arms of ataraxia, and not in my mother's lap cuz she scares me... You know! I don't feel safe and maybe I never will, but instead I ended up losing myself in chaos painted pretty with all the colors in the world.
    But now I have realized that I am nothing but a chaos, I'm the victim and the hero of my story.
    I want to die you know, but I'm coward.
    I probably won't end myself but let this chaos end here.
    Maybe, a coward never tastes death even after getting killed by someone or something.
    A coward is immortal.
    A coward lives in the dark dungeon of hopelessness where nothing can penetrate not even death.

    (Just a sad, lonely and confused rant, you don't need to understand or read but thanks I guess.)



    "Take me home, where I belong... I can't take it anymore!"



    #metaphor

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    I stand there petrified in the battlefield to let the hopelessness fill slits on my battered throat

    I bury myself six feet under the battlefield where I bleed my dreams incessantly
    Where I move non chalantly
    towards mayhem caused by my own mind,
    my own thoughts, dark and translucent like a chunk of charcoal
    Yet I persistently breathe out my shattered dreams along with the nonexistent hope to absume my idiosyncrasies
    Which won't let me live.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 1d

    Hay(na)ku

    Tears
    Screams fears
    Thoughts strangles throat.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 2d

    .

    Bittersweet memories kept betwixt my diary
    Which said nothing but still gasped silently
    Whose echoes disturbed the deep slumber of dust particles. Forcing them to dance on the rhythm of acoustic gramophone which was last time played by my lost lover and apparently last.
    These walls which soaked all the laughter during those old days, were still standing tall like me, even after enduring abandonment, blizzards of darkness and all strange seasons, wanted to tell stories galore of so many forgotten memories.
    But my ears were jammed up with the whispers of my gossamer pillow which now soaks up my tears.
    I stood there petrified, while watching everything once that I had, and everything that I lost after all these years.
    Entrapped in fear I tried to comfort myself with a tint of truth...

    DON'T WE ALL DIE ALL ALONE...!

    Now I took a step forward to return to that fast lane all by myself.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 3d

    I'm gonna make it.... MAYBE!

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    .

    My gut is wrenching again
    Making me roll on the floor of self loathing
    I feel Like it's a prognosis of another storm
    Which would probably take away all the remnant light from my heart
    It would burn all the bridges
    Turning me into an stranded island with nothing but darkness.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 3d

    Only dead fishes go with the flow.

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    .

    What brought you here once again, in this wilderness?
    Are you lost?
    Are you a failure?
    Or that winter never left you?
    Are you still trapped amidst blizzard of unhappiness?
    Well life stings!
    Deal with it.
    Learn to GO WITH THE FLOW....

    LIKE DEAD FISHES IN THE POND.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 3d

    Once again.

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    .

    As the night knocks the door of light
    I keep myself enclosed in the quilt of darkness
    I can't open the door passing through the light
    As light scares me
    While darkness heals and feels like home.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 12w

    Only ten words?����
    .
    .

    How magnanimous is the heart of life,
    Is it like an ocean?
    Which tries to
    Drown us
    With
    Greatest devotion
    Making us dive deeper and deeper into
    The dark caverns of melancholy
    Filling our lungs with
    Unsurmountable
    Heaviness
    Until our
    lungs
    gives
    out
    Am I just a paper boat?!..Sinking with every failing effort to surf the roaring waves, but
    still Trying to Sail; Towards the shore,
    With my broken wishbone
    impregnated with
    Life lessons
    Being the
    Oar!




    Don't wanted to write... But I did it anyway!

    #sail
    #wod
    #writersnetwork

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    Life is a paper boat, so am I

    Sailing towards the shore
    With life lessons being the oar.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 12w

    If you can't speak truth
    Speak louder
    If you do
    You're
    Alive
    So
    Are
    We!...
    ~irony of today's (black & white) world.

    #onomatopoeia
    #writersnetwork
    #wod

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    Onomatopoeia

    I ramble and lose myself in the mazes of philosophy screaming madness, in a phantasmagoric world to discover the kyphotic sculptures of humanity in ruins, which thumps it's feet against the dusty land buzzing freedom, which reaches to the veracious ears of skies covered with cloudy rumours.
    Where splashes of inky lies on the cheeks of truth seekers, renders me in dubiety.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 12w

    //Every night I gulped sorrow
    While waiting for tomorrow!... //

    Happy friendship day everyone!

    #friendsc
    #diminishing (idk):
    #wod

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    I befri(ended) darkness to find the trail of light

    When I lost myself in the blues of past along with my sight
    Dwelling in this hollow miasma of sorrow didn't felt right
    And sleeping in that paranoic night of hallucination became a great fight
    So, I befriended the starry night
    Looking up high at those scintillating stars gave me hope and delight.
    ©doux_torment

  • doux_torment 12w

    //I felt like a rose in the lap of my mother, now thorns are tearing me apart.//
    ~my adult self.

    #wod
    #kwansaba
    #writersnetwork

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    •||Kwansaba||•
    Celebration of the Union of a mother's heart (9)months apart


    Today a flower bloomed in her garden
    After watering nine months dili(gently) with love
    Effulgent dainty daffodil, with eyes like dandelion
    Sky being deliriously happy drizzled milk, honey
    Sun shined over the cradle of neonate
    Rejoiced and Flabbergasted concourse of heavenly angels
    Are merrily singing, sweet, harmonious mellifluous melody.
    ©doux_torment