People will call me coward if I would let them. If I quit today, I'm a coward. I know I'm. I do wanna quit. Sometimes, I think let's end it here. But I'm scared you know. I long to belong but I fail, that's why I call myself a failure. It's not good to be negative this much but I can't help myself. I'm just an alien, who feels like a ghost, a non existent echo in an abandoned building where homeless people come to stay, sometimes for a week, sometimes for a month. I can't belong cuz I don't exist. But I feel like I do, it's maybe cuz I breathe or maybe cuz I can still feel my pulse running like adrenaline. I'm gonna be a doctor cuz my father told me so. A few months later maybe I'll get into a medical college or maybe I won't but.... But this hypochondriac and battered soul of mine will never recover, maybe cuz it's hard for me to just let things go, I guess I'm super fragile than I let people see. I'm extremely fragile little things hurt me, it drives me insane, it breaks me into thousand pieces but I hate to admit it. Maybe because I want to keep that mask of a strong girl that I never was. But all the treacherous storms that I have survived it would be unfair to say that I'm not strong, I surely am. My life is a battlefield, where peace never chased me back like my high school crush. This time I wanted to lose myself in the arms of ataraxia, and not in my mother's lap cuz she scares me... You know! I don't feel safe and maybe I never will, but instead I ended up losing myself in chaos painted pretty with all the colors in the world. But now I have realized that I am nothing but a chaos, I'm the victim and the hero of my story. I want to die you know, but I'm coward. I probably won't end myself but let this chaos end here. Maybe, a coward never tastes death even after getting killed by someone or something. A coward is immortal. A coward lives in the dark dungeon of hopelessness where nothing can penetrate not even death.
(Just a sad, lonely and confused rant, you don't need to understand or read but thanks I guess.)
"Take me home, where I belong... I can't take it anymore!"
How magnanimous is the heart of life, Is it like an ocean? Which tries to Drown us With Greatest devotion Making us dive deeper and deeper into The dark caverns of melancholy Filling our lungs with Unsurmountable Heaviness Until our lungs gives out Am I just a paper boat?!..Sinking with every failing effort to surf the roaring waves, but still Trying to Sail; Towards the shore, With my broken wishbone impregnated with Life lessons Being the Oar!