People have seen your anger, I've heard you laugh. People have acknowledged your rage, I've gone through your pain. People have heard you scream, I've listened to your dreams. People have noticed your attitude, I've felt your love. People have laughed at you, but I've hugged you when you cried. People have ignored you but I've missed you every moment. To every introvert out there, find yourself some person who will love you and understand you. Make them a part of your life and be theirs. 'Cause you are worth every pain.
The lotion never calmed my rough,Dull skin. It was his hands that calmed the raging storm.I used to calm my lips by penning stories of how his lips tastes like on a foggy winter morning or how they'd kill the words of fights,arguments amidst a family dinner by locking mine with his. His shirts reek of my scent until I realised the fabric was too weak to hold my smell and keep him sane.He used to melt in my arms until I realised it was just the outer shell that's been melting because the cold walls residing within him are standing tall and waiting for the right kind of warmth to melt them. Waiting for you to melt them. I was the wrong kind of warmth that's been disturbing him for all these years.
I stumbled upon your pictures with him. What else you guys can be -Mere friends? Right.I stumbled upon the suitcases the ones which used to live in his home before I came there. Before I tried to make his home -Our home. I failed everytime I tried doing that. Neither the doors of his house welcomed me nor his arms. But I forcefully tried to intrude his privacy, Tried unlocking his arms, Tried capturing his heart, Tried melting my hope on his cigarette stained lips. I failed just like every other time. I slept in his arms every night and tried to make a home within them but he always left the bed cold with a weird smell that my nostrils are familiar with.The smell that reminds me of you. Reminds me of the tyre shop which you own, Reminds me of your favourite salted chips which love, Reminds me of the mangoes that your kitchen garden has. Reminds me of you, you, you. I failed and I used to think I failed because the fault is in me, I failed in loving the guy you love, I failed in breaking his cold walls because I am weak but it was you who failed me because you loved him so hard that my love wasn't the right kind of love he wanted. He wanted you.
Some days I laugh at myself for intentionally ignoring the signs You, Him and my 6th sense was trying to give me. From that wedding band that was too loose for my innocent fingers to the pearl necklace that my neck never accepted. From the days you turned his mood much better and filled his dull eyes with hope to the nights when his talks were filled with two people -You and him. I smiled looking at innocent man in front of me,He was never been happy when he was with me.I blame you for the days I doubted myself for not being enough for him.I blame you for the nights that troubled me for not being able to touch him, to feel him when he was just sleeping beside me turned to the other side-Sleeping awkwardly as if he is committing a crime sleeping beside me -His wife. But then i blame myself for forcing a way into his life without knowing I wasn't the one he want to sleep beside but he wanted to sleep beside the man he loved.
"How about this dress" I asked while trying to put my hair in a bun."Okay" He replied. I was familiar with the plain and rough replies that I started distancing myself away from him. The void in his eyes whenever we were in the close territory,The dead curve of his lips never appealed me to try making up for the fights, The 1 word answers and the non existent morning wishes turned me bitter for myself for lacking the skills of making a man fall for me. Oh wasn't enough I thought and I still feel that because the only man I loved loves a man.I used to sleep at nights wondering my husband loves a girl better than me -More beautiful and much more capable doing the things I am not. I wish he had told me that he loved you, That he never wanted to marry me -It was the society he was afraid of so he decided to destroy someone's perception of happy married life.I don't hate you because only you can make him happy and he deserves to be loved but i hate him for stealing the only chance of a girl of being happy.I hate him for lying every other day of our life that he loved me when his actions were the opposite but then I hate myself for not leaving him -But one day I'll gather all the courage and leave him because he was never mine.He was never mine. I hate him for not accepting the love for you.Neither he was leaving me to live the life nor he wanted to live his life with the smiles he deserved.