To find myself and escape the pain

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  • depths_freedom 13w

    People say they're sorry. They say, "hang in there". They ask to stay strong. It's funny how suddenly all of the world's wisdom starts to sound hauntingly hollow when you lose the ground you've built your entire life on!
    How, the loss of that one flood of sunshine can render you so abysmally abandoned that any sense of light and direction gets lost in the whirlwind of emotions in your turbulent mind.

    How then, do you respond to the expectations of the world and the wishes of people around you?
    How then, do you carry on, not because you want to, but because you know you have to?
    Where do you start building a new foundation of what will be, with the distant debris of what could have been?

    #life #death #loss #wod

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    How do I get on with this shadow of the life that I'd imagined since forever?

  • depths_freedom 78w

    I charged on
    Following all orders to the letter
    A mere cog in the universal wheel,
    Hoping that my efforts would ensure victory.

    I trudged on
    Watching my brethren perish
    All disposable in the greater scheme,
    Been laid out for the games of power and fame.

    I turned around
    A queen to command ruthless forces
    Living the victory built upon countless deaths,
    Decreeing an end to this perilous, ferocious bloodlust.


  • depths_freedom 99w

    As a kid, I wrote to rebel
    Against the pains and injustice
    Spewing all around the world.

    At the threshold of my 20s
    I wrote a poetic apology
    For all the venom I had spewed.

    As I realised my words can flow
    In whatever form I wish,
    When I let myself feel completely,
    I shed my years of cocooning
    And fears and apprehensions.

    And now I write because I want to
    Happy with the scribbles
    And those scratched side notes.
    I write because it's easier
    Than saying everything out loud.
    And I write because I can feel -
    The hurt, the hatred, the happiness.

    Like every speck of stardust in me sings to the emotions in me.


  • depths_freedom 101w

    I woke up again today.
    Fighting that crushing weight upon me.
    Only to find a pile of debris around my bed.
    As if a sculptor had forgotten to clean up after him.

    But as I walked around the dreary dungeon.
    I saw tiny chips falling all around me.
    Like an old papyrus disintegrates to shreds.

    Gripped by fear, I then looked at myself.
    And watched with detached amusement.
    As I stood there, slowly turning to ashes.


  • depths_freedom 105w

    Another blow.
    A massive one this time.
    The entire earth succumbs.
    Or was it even a solid ground before?
    Or rather just frozen sheet of thin ice?

    I hold on to the shards.
    But they pierce through my hands.
    Fighting the urge to let go, I bleed.
    It'd be easier to fall into the abyss.
    To not feel the pain of it all anymore.

    Sinking body must be better than a sinking soul, right?


  • depths_freedom 107w


    I dance till my limbs move no more
    I laugh till my eyes tear no more
    I write till the pages bleed no more
    I fight till there's breath no more

    We love till there's hatred no more
    We sing till screams exist no more
    We learn till our minds are dark no more
    We pray till our world is violent no more

    Time when we dispel and vanquish this dysphoria
    Will then be my true and mesmerizing euphoria.


  • depths_freedom 109w

    On Fire

    She meanders through her course of life.
    A gaiety in her visage and a verve in her step.
    Then what is it in those eyes that appears incongruous?
    As if there's a chasmic expanse in the impenetrable blacks.
    Like underneath the serenity lies an erupting volcano.
    There are days when her eyes sing in harmony with her being.
    And the smoldering fires seem to have at length receded.
    But then the inferno returns with all its might and more.
    Yet she continues her poised stroll to elate all around her.
    How can she continue incinerating as if it were wonted?
    Why does she not quench this agony for good?
    Or is this anguish that makes her the airy presence she is?


  • depths_freedom 112w


    What day is it today?

    "These are turbulent times", they say.
    "The economy is crashing", they say.
    "The world is down on its knees", they say.

    I know the days aren't easy.
    And our dear, wanderer friend: our mind
    It only wants what it's denied.

    But there's light even in the darkest black
    And in the blackest darkness.
    For what is tenebrous, but an uncontrolled mix of all colors
    That appear impossible to separate.

    So as we sit at our homes
    Let us pray for those who don't
    For they're the selfless souls working for the greater good.

    And while we're shuttered in our clean confines
    Let's find solace in the rejuvenating Mother nature.
    Work on the resolutions that we made but dropped.
    Or just breathe, sit back and heal: one battle scar at a time.


  • depths_freedom 113w


    Plucked off their roots,
    even the prettiest of nature,


  • depths_freedom 116w

    There's this little voice.
    Breathing into my ears.
    The sense of it all.
    Of this unforgiving determination.
    Of this incomprehensible urge.

    But try as it might.
    Screaming at the highest decibels.
    Is my own head.
    For its transient respite.
    For its momentary numbness.

    And I cave.
    Yet again.
    As I let my mind dictate my limbs.

    I float.
    Watching this woman.
    A shell of what she appears before the world.
    Letting her hand carve her body.
    Showing the walls, all her pain trapped within.
    Marking the floor with her pliant knees.

    And then I return.
    Has it been so long?
    Or hardly few moments?

    I lie on the floor.
    My heart racing against me.
    Every inch of my skin howls.
    But my head is quiet.
    And so I know.
    That it was worth the trouble.

    Content, I let the heaviness take me.
    Consumed, for another night.
    Readying, for another day.

    #writerstolli #writersnetwork #mirakee #mentalhealth #pod #thoughts #life #diary

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    Content, I let the heaviness take me.
    Consumed, for another night.
    Readying, for another day.