Keep memories in mind of past loved ones.
There is a theology that as long as your loved ones are remembered, their souls remain intact in the afterlife. And if you don’t remember them, they disappear. And the more people you lose, the more you start thinking about your own mortality. It drags you down, but it’s important to recognize that as long as you keep their memory with you, a piece of them is still alive.”Listen, everyoneThe time will come, When all of us say goodbye.Feel that aching in your heart,Leaving you broken inside.But we’re never really gone,As long as there’s a memory in your mind.So now go do the best things in life,Take a bite of this world while you can.Make the most of the rest of your life,Make a ride of this world while you can.Take the ones you love, and hold them close,Because there is little time.And don’t let it break your heart,I know it feels hopeless sometimes.But they’re never really gone,As long as there’s a memory in your mind.And hold on to memories,Hold on to every moment.To keep them alive.The world’s greatest tragedy,Souls who are not remembered,Cannot survive.
Message from my mom.
A little sleep, a little slumber,A little folding of the hands.Left you weak, left you hungryWhen there's supply, you still demand.You've dragged the ones you love down,Will this phase ever end?A thousand arms to hold you,But you won't reach for any hands.Honey, I don't feel I'm getting through to you,Let me paint this clear, life is short, my dear.See your mother here, another painful yearI wish you only knew...I stuck around for youI love and stuck around for you.Maybe you should just fall,And leave the world and lose it all.And if that's what you need,To finally see,I'll be with you through it all.Bring on the pills, snort through the rolled dollar bill,The voices won't go away, Constant self-medicating doesn't end the suffering, It'll never be what heals.Relapse, rehab, repeat"You were always just thinking about the me, me, me"Self-destruct, spiral down,Until your want becomes your need.Please get up like I know you can or forever love the fallI never feel like I'm getting through to you,Let me paint this clear, Life is short, my dear.See your mother here, Another painful yearI wish you only knew...She stuck around for youShe stuck around for you.I can't stand to see you downStrung out, Off the wagon, and unwound.But steady, steady, Oh God, situations were scary, scary.I'm so sorry you couldn't stay around.I couldn't bear the thought,That real soon I could hear the sound, Of your body hitting the ground.I was going to walk in on my son overdosed as my heart would pound.As I read the suicide letter: "I love you mom, my mental psyche was just too profound.I'm sorry you tried so hard to have a son that would have made you so proud.Just know the pain is all gone, finally eternal peace, I'm officially home now"Oh, Austin, Austin, Austin!I stuck around for you Maybe you had to fall,Leave this world and lose it all.If that's what you need,To finally see, That I always loved you through it all.
Autism and Me.
Autism and how it effects Me:I'm very conscientious, reliable, honest, enthusiastic and have a propensity for obsessive research, developing a broad and deep base of knowledge in subjects of interest.I'm free of prejudice.I'm intelligent and musically talented.I'm less inclined to be fickle than non-autistic/neurotypical counterparts.I'm never inclined to lie to others.I'm not inclined to steal from others.Not a con artist, or social manipulator.Am not motivated by an intense social drive to spend time with whoever happens to be available.I'm persistent, and when I set my mind to something or make a promise, I can be trusted to follow through.Unlikely to launch unprovoked attacks, verbal or otherwise.
Where I was a long time ago!
I'm an addict, who's frantic,Manic on everything.Kamikaze chemicals into my blood stream.Caffeine, Nicotine and the good green.On top of Vicodin, It's kinda like I'm takin' flight again.Prepare for lift off, Stimulation drift off.If I don't feed my addiction, I'm getting pissed off.All these vices, They siphon my life span.Monkey on my back, I got the devil in my right hand.Always leading' me, deceitful thievery, Precedes to impede.In need,To feed the beast, Often to eagerly.I can't seem to leave it be and be freed.Feel my synapses collapsing,I'm gasping,I think I'm going out like Michael Jackson.Tunnel vision, Everything is turning black,And I'm headed to a place, Where there never is no coming back.Swan dive in the Lake of Fire,All thanks to my faithful drug suppliers.All it takes is a taste, Now you're all subscribers.Under the reigns of the chains of your own desires.Your new God is dressed in black attire,Now a slave to his ways, You could not defy him.Such a waste is this race, Until your life expires.No escape, given chase like I'm Michael Myers.
When I was a child!
"Mother, please forgive meI just had to get out all my pain and suffering''Now, that I am done,Remember,I will always love you,I'm your..son"Little child,Looking so pretty!Come out and play,I'll be your Daddy!Innocent child,Looking so sweet!I'll rape your mind,And now your flesh I reap!You Raped!(I feel dirty)It Hurt!(As a child)Tied Down!('That's a good boy')And Fuck!(Your own child)I Scream!(No one hears me)It Hurt!(I'm not a liar!)My God!(I saw you watch)Mommy, WHY your own child?!Little child,Looking so pretty!Come out and play,I'll be your Daddy?It Hurt!(As a child)I Scream!(No one hears me)It Hurt!(I'M NOT A LIAR)I saw you watch!Mommy, why?''It's all alright''?I didn't touch you there!Mommy said she didn't care!I didn't touch you there!That's why mommy stopped and stared!©chynxzejynx5150
Thoughtless Narcissistic Cannibal
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down. I hate when you take a swing at me, Can only wish I could put you on the ground, ground, ground. You think it’s funny?What the fuck you think it’s doing to me?You take your turn, again and again,Randomly lashing out at me. I want you crying, With your dirty ass in front of me. All of my hate cannot be found! I will not be bound, By your thoughtless scheming!So you can try to tear me down, Beat me to the ground. Wish I could see YOU screaming!In my secret fantasies, I’m above you, smiling.Laughing hysterically, Watching your lungs overfilling, As YOU Drown, Drown, Drown. I wanna kill and rape you, The same way you raped me. Put a gun in my hand, I’ll pull the triggerAnd you’re body's all bloody on the Ground, Ground, Ground. All my friends are gone, they died. They all screamed, cried and lied.©chynxzejynx5150
Don't judge on this one.
Meet "Eddie", 23 years old. Fed up with life and the way things are goingHe decides to rob a liquor store(I gotta take this shit, I can't take it no more) But on his way in, he has a sudden change of heartAnd suddenlyHis conscience comes into play. Alright, Stop! (Huh?) Now before you walk in the door of this liquor storeAnd try to get money out the drawerYou better think of the consequence (But who are you?)I'm your motherfuckin' conscienceThat's nonsenseGo in, and gaffle the money, and run to one of your aunt's cribsAnd borrow a damn dress and one of her blond wigs(Can I borrow this?)Tell her you need a place to stayYou'll be safe for daysIf you shave your legs with Renee's razor bladesYeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed toThe whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose youThink about it before you walk in the door firstLook at the store clerk, she's older than George BurnsFuck that, do that shit, shoot that bitchCan you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?Why you give a fuck if she dies? Are you that bitch?Do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?Man, don't do it, it's not worth it to risk it (You're right)Not over this shit (Stop) (I will)Don't even listen to the voices, they're bad for youYou know what? I don't like your attitude. "Meet "Stan", 21 years oldAfter meeting a young girl at a rave partyThings start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroomOnce again, his conscience comes into play"Now, listen to me, while you're kissin' her cheekAnd smearin' her lipstick, slip this in her drinkNow all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobeYo, this girl's only fifteen years oldYou shouldn't take advantage of her, it's not fairYo, look at her bush, does it got hair? (Uh-huh)Fuck this bitch right here on the spot, bare'Til she passes out and she forgot how she got thereMan, ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids?No, but I seen the porno with Sun DoobiestShit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?Man, fuck that, hit that shit raw dog, then bail. (Man, it feels good to be home)"Meet Grady, a 29-year-old construction workerAfter coming home from a hard day's workHe walks in the door of his trailer park homeTo find his wife in bed with another man. (What the fuck?) Alright, calm down, relax, start breathin'Fuck that shit, You just caught this bitch cheatin'While you at work, she's with some dude tryna get offFuck slittin' her throat, Cut this bitch's head offWait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?Alright, maybe he's right, GradyBut think about the baby before you get all crazyOkay, thought about it, Still wanna stab her! Grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?What you say?What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?I'ma kill you, motherfuckerUh-uh, temper, temper. How in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?'Cause he don't need to go the same route that I wentBeen there, done thatAw, fuck it, what am I sayin'?Shoot 'em both, Grady, where's your gun at?
Austin The Fallen Angel!
From the start, Austin was one of heaven’s most powerful and clever angels. When God created man, Austin revealed that he had a rebellious streak too, As he refused to bow to man and objected,“WHY SHOULD GOD CREATE A HUMAN BEING, WHO WILL SHED BLOOD AND CONFUSION,WHILE THE ANGELS PROSTRATE BEFORE HIMAND SING HIS GLORY DAY AND NIGHT?”In response to this defiance, God cast Austin and many other angels down to earth.©chynxzejynx5150
We could and would have helped.
If you could have seen the devastation,Shattered hearts you'd leave behind, Would you still have left this world that day?Would it have made you change your mind?If you'd known we'd cry so violently And struggle just to breathe, Would that have made a difference?Would you still have chosen to leave?You left without a warning;You left without saying "goodbye." You left us with only questions.The most important one is "why?"Why did you believe, You had to face this world alone? Why did you suffer silently? We would have helped if we had known. How long had you been hurtingBefore deciding you were done? I'm glad your pain has ended, But our pain has just begun. So when you see us start to fall apart, When our pain is too much to bear, Please take our hands and guide us;Remind us that you're there. ©chynxzejynx5150
Text over call.
But it’s not just poetry — "Autistics generally prefer text messages and emails to phone calls and in-person meetings. Likewise, many autistics say journaling helps them understand their thoughts and feelings better; other Autistics are prolific poets and lyricists."©chynxzejynx5150